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I am – Kirsten Dunst’s Bikini and Shirt of the Day


Today is the day for celebrities in bikini bottoms and button up shirts because I guess that’s the trend for a busted up slag like Kirsten Dunst. I guess it could have to do with the fact that she is in her mid 20s but has tits of a 90 year old. It’s probably gotta do with her eating disorders.

I remember when I was banging this semi-fat chick who I would constantly call fat in hopes of her picking up a drug habit to be more like the person I wanted her to be at the time. There was something really dull about sober people and I wasn’t going to have any of that in my bedroom and by bedroom I mean $10 a night room at the Y. Anyway, every time she ate, I’d be like one of those cocksucker jocks trying to make my wife maintain her young, tight, high school physique. I wasn’t really that superficial or picky but it made sense at the time. After I dumped her for eating a whole bucket of fried chicken in one sitting, something I bought as my week’s worth of groceries at the time, she developed a bit of a complex. I saw her a few months later begging for change on the corner of a busy part of town weighing in at about 90 lbs, and I was a proud of my accomplishment in helping her fit into societies framework of what a woman should look like, unfortunately I can’t work my magic on my wife. This is a dull story, but we can’t all be comedians like you, Asshole….

I guess all this is to say that you don’t get a hot tan like this slut by not wearing a shirt when you swim. She’s more pale than the day I accidentally walked into the Cancer ward of the hospital when lookin for hot nurses to bag. I remember growing up all the fat chicks and kids with sun allergies used to rock this style. Kirsten is bringin’ it back like it was ’82, before sunscreen was invented. Respect.


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