Lindsay Lohan is partying with friends and family and must be sober. There is no way that she told everyone to make sure to keep drinks inside the party so that the paparazzi don’t see booze in anyone’s hand. It’s all a matter of protecting the machine that is Lohan and that means not outing the fact that girl just wants to have fun.

I used to know a dude who was addicted to heroin. I’d hang out with him everyday because he worked in the same warehouse as me. He would go home to play videogames and shit everynight and never wanted to get drunk with me. I ended up leaving the job for being fired for trying to look up one of the employees skirt or something equally lame and embarrassing to come home and tell your wife you got fired for. I ran into dude about 5 years later while meeting one of my friends at Narcotics Anonymous and that dude was there. When I asked what he was addicted to or who he was meeting he told me that he had a heroin addiction for 10 years, and was using when I was working with him, I just had no idea.

I think it’s safe to say that Lohan is playing that same stunt on all of us, only she’s got a budget. So she doesn’t have to say she’s going home to play videogames, she can throw sober chainsmoking no booze or drug parties. All these people are hired actors to play the part of friends and family in the dramatic life of Lohan. Shit is like the Truman Show where in reality people only talk to her because she’s Lindsay Lohan and some mastermind behind the scenes is directing them and paying them all to do and act according to the script.

Shit’s a fucking social experiment and the point of the story is don’t trust everything you see, but you can trust that she’s got great big titties to go with her great thick thighs that we will hopefully all see when the mastermind writes it into the Lohan Plan.

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