Nothing says I love my sister like shoving my tongue down her throat while drunk at her birthday party, unfortunately the Simpson sisters are good little bible thumpers and despite lesbian incest being common in small towns along the bible belt, it’s still frowned upon when you have more options of people to have babies with. It’s like the fallback plan in a community of 15 to keep the community alive, you know a matter of survival, but it’s much better for the health of the community if someone lures in new blood.

That said, I made a new friend last night. He was walking on the streets at 2 in the morning completely lots. He was in his 50s and he was wearing dirty mix matched clothes, so I figured we’d get along since we have the same stylist. He had his bus pass on a rope around his neck and he didn’t know where the bus stop was. He also didn’t know where he was going and I could tell that through his thick glasses, he was scared. So I decided to help, because I am a hero and I was alone and didn’t mind the company. The dude definitely had some kind of retardation going on. I am not sure if he was just insane, or if he was a full fledged waterhead, or if he was just socially awkward, so I did what every hero does. I got him drunk.

We walked in some local watering hole, and we just drank, off his retard monthly check the government gives him. The conversation wasnt’ too good and every 3 minutes he’d get up to go to the bathroom. I constantly caught him confused and drooling and I was starting to realize that maybe booze didn’t mix well with his meds. He ended up vanishing on me. He got up threw his glass on the ground, broke his chair and stormed off stuttering, jittering and convulsing. I think he was having an episode. I wonder if he got home safely…

Either way, here are some boring pics of the Simpson sisters together, probably congregating to get their stories straight on how Papa Joe molested Jessica and not Ashlee, because she’s the ugly sister who wasn’t good enough for her daddy to get a piece of. I like seeing them together to remind us all that Ashlee is the ugly one, and probably feels a lot like the retard I was with last night, you know low self esteem, never fitting in, always being laughed at, trying so hard to be normal or up to par, but always falling short because asshole can’t find his bus home, even with his bus pass around his neck on a rope like he was 5 years old.

Posted in:Ashlee Simpson|Jessica Simpson|Sisters|Skinny|Unsorted