So I got really fucking wasted and it was fuckin’ messy. I don’t remember much more than a whole lot of shit talking and meeting a group of people from Australia who were amazing. One of them was this little hot Hilary Duff girl who I was trying to seduce with my drunken conversation but ended up fucking it up because I am easily distracted and got some girl who claimed she was 15 to stick her tongue in my mouth. She was jacked on blow and her tongue tasted like shit, but I did it because I had no choice. It was my duty.
On the walk home, I decided to stand outside a chachi bar and talk to my people, because me and chachi motherfuckers are cut from the same cloth. After being blown off by every single one of them, I decided to tell the world how Montreal is filled with losers. Lucky for me, I was next to Mr Strong Mafia Guy, who must have been the ambassador for the city, because when I walked by him and told him he was a Montreal piece of shit loser, he told me to fuck off, so I said that I’d fucking kill him and he went fuckin’ crazy. I guess Junior Mafia Guido and his 240 lbs of muscle doesn’t like when short fat motherfuckers tell him they are going to kill him, because he fuckin threw down his blazer and unbuttoned his shirt while his slut of a girlfriend tried holding him back saying shit like “if you do this I am leaving” and other really dramatic things that her stupid brian managed to put together. I am glad I made their night more exciting. I like to think of myself as some kind of Santa Claus who brings joy to people’s lives every time I leave my house. This is all batting practice for stepTV 2008 baby.
Princess Stephanie is kinda like Santa Claus too, only instead of gifts she brings an old body in a bikini and on days like today, that’s just as good. Cuddles.