Since Lily Allen’s dreams of being a mother were rudely ripped from her uterus, she has decided to follow her other dream of being a drunken clown it’s one of those things when you can’t have children of your own because of fetal alcohol syndrome always giving you miscarriages, at least you can make them smile while wearing funny wigs at birthday parites before sexually harassing the moms and throwing up all over your emotionally wrecked self and getting carried away by the dad’s at the party.

On a sidenote the man who is carrying Lily Allen is actually a past winner of a strongman competition and early today has suggested carrying a drunken Lily Allen be one of the challenges because he hasn’t felt this kind of burn after a good work out since the time he tried to pull a dump tuck 100 yards.

Here are her before and after shots, which are more dramatic than mine because I fall somewhere in the middle at all times, doesn’t matter how sober or drunk I am ….I am always a mess, but at least I can always manage to stumble home without the help of a carrier.

Posted in:Drunk|Lily Allen