Part of the reason I don’t believe that Lohan is a full blown Lesbian is because of her tits. The only lesbians I have met with a hot set of tits have never really been lesbian, but more the kind of girl who charges you 20 dollars a song to let you watch her lick a pussy during a lesbian show in the VIP room of the stripclub. Real Lesbians with big tits usually have the stomach, ass and legs to match and have turned to lesbianism as a last resort for finding love and affection by someone who they aren’t necessarily as superficial as a guy is and who can connect to them on an emotional level and not only on a physical level because physically, they are disgusting.
Sure Lohan’s got a whole fuckin’ suitcase of issues, from daddy issues after being born into a family with a cheating, alocholic father and commitment issues that stem from FES from That 70’s Show who broke her teenage heart when he was just lookin’ for a good time, to self worth issues that stem from having been thrown into the industry as some kind of tool to make other people money with some whore of a mother leading her to drugs and drinking and multiple sex partners only to decide that the only way to change her image and her lifestyle is to date girls or some shit. I mean, I’m not a therapist but most of the gay dudes I know come from abusive childhoods or are products of being bullied and gay is like the club for all these rejects. I will bet money that only a small percentage of people are actually genetically attracted to the same gender and the rest are just lookin’ for acceptance and a life of fabulousness.
Either way, she’s not wearing a bra and last night, while out, I was somehow managed to hang out with a group of 18 year olds while they were getting ready to go out to a club. One of them didn’t want to wear her bra and decided that she needed to tape her tits to get the support she needed and for some reason she felt the need to do it in front of me. After about a minute of seeing her strapping her teenage breasts down like they were a box and she was a mover, I chimed in a told her she was doing it all wrong, so she asked me to do it for her, so there I am in the middle of the street with a topless 18 year old and a roll of tape trying to find the best way to simulate the effect of a bra and I felt like I won the fuckin’ lottery. I mean I didn’t get turned on by the shit, but I was thinking that maybe my life isn’t that bad and that I should start putting ads on Craigslist soliciting my new found talent of makin’ bras our of household object.
Either way, here’s Lohan’s tits, a set I wouldn’t mind being asked to tape up, which isn’t saying much because I would pretty much tape any tits that are asking to be taped and I am tempted to take this new found talent to the street kids who can’t afford bras but that’s just because I like helping those less fortunate have cleavage.
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