Jennifer Aniston is leaving the gym because staying in shape is important, especially when your aging body can’t land a husband, baby daddy or boyfriend and even more necessary when you’re Greek and predisposed to having a hug fucking dumpy ass.

Her desperation reminds me of my friend who was equally desperate to find love. He got to the point of desperation where he had exhausted masturbation but couldn’t manage to get a girl to sleep with him, and refused to get a whore because he said that would make him feel like a loser. I would remind him that he is a loser and he’d just blow me off. As time went on, he got more paranoid that everyone around him knew he couldn’t get laid and I realized that it had gone too far one day when buying beer with him at the grocery store and dude picked up a box of tampons. I asked him why the fuck he was picking up tampons and he just ignore me. We got to the cash and when the clerk went to scan the tampons, my friend chimed in and said something along the lines of “I hate buying these for my girlfriend, it’s so embarrassing”, I looked at him like he had lost his fucking mind and he continued, “but I guess it’s not as bad as me not getting laid for the next week, if you know what I mean”….and I figured I had to stop the insanity so I ratted him out to the clerk for not having a girlfriend and that he’s just being crazy at which point he freaked out on me and ran out of the store and I haven’t heard from him since.

Either way, here’s Aniston…

Posted in:Gym|Jennifer Aniston|Spandex