I’d just like the thank Hayden Panettiere for doing us all a favor and covering that midget head of hers while leaving some event, probably wasted, because little people can’t stomach booze the same way you can, and Hollywood people don’t like the negative press they get for being drunken whores who hang out with crotch grabbing Lil Wayne motherfuckers.

I remember hanging out at my friend’s cottage with his 10 year old son because everyone had gone to bed and decided that I wasn’t going to drink alone, that shit is for alcoholics and convinced the little bastard to do some whiskey shots with me. It was funny for the first half hour, with him dancing around like an idiot and saying all kinds of crazy shit, before the fucker got alochol poisoning and ended up puking all over the place, waking up his parents and leading to me being kicked out of the house in the middle of fucking no where and losing a relatively good friend, but I assume no responsibility for it, because I am not the one who left me, a bottle of booze and a punk kid bored in the woods with nothing but drinking to do together.

That experience made me decide that I am good with kids and that I don’t actually hate them and I tried signing up to Big Brother’s of America but got refused when I told them the reason for joining was because my friends are old and tired and I am lookin’ to recruit an new little drinking buddy. Fucking Facists.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Hiding