I am not a True School Skate or Die motherfucker, I mean the closest thing I’ve ever done to skateboarding is drink in the park next to punk kids who were skateboarding back in the 90s when skateboarding was cool. It was something these drunken, drug using motherfuckers would do that always impressed me and when I’d get to talking to them, they were always down to get fucked up and do insane stunts because something in their head wasn’t wired right. They were one step away from being homeless since they didn’t have jobs, slept all day, partied all night and skated in between. I just respected the lifestyle. Then Tony Hawk Pro Skater hit, the Warped Tour hit, skateboards were sold in Wal Mart and skate shoes and clothing brands were starting to be worn by Cha Chi motherfuckers and are still to this day. I mean any given night I go out I see some asshole with a bottle of Grey Goose in his Ed Hardy rockin’ a pair of Vans and to me, it represents the fall of the rebels and the rise of the mainstream. Sure lots of these dudes I used to get drunk with, got rich and drive BMWs and shit now, but when I see pictures of some chick from the Disney Channel riding a longboard, which is the equivalent of the skiers in the snowboard park to snowboarders or old hairy men on Boogie Boards to surfers, I realize that skateboarding is officially dead and this Selena Gomez chick just pissed on its grave.

Posted in:Longboard|Selena Gomez