There was a time when my wife and I did various activities. You know in the Honeymoon phase where I was going along with the whole marriage thing because I had accepted that I just sold my soul to the fucking devil and that the rest of my life was going to be hell, so I might as well rock out before I am too bitter and resentful to enjoy. So we’d do stupid things, like one afternoon we went to a little bar that had this trapeze set set-up outside, and my wife insisted we try the shit. I wasn’t into it, but she had been a gymnast when she was 150 pounds lighter and I guess thought she still had it in her. I remember the look on the staff’s face when they were trying to help her up the ladder to the top, before she fell into the strained safety net because she couldn’t support her own weight. It was a lot like the look on the horses face the time we decided to go horseback riding. Which is probably the look on whoever the fuck is responsible for rigging up Beyonce and her dumpy, fat, pantless ass, because you know if she goes down, some motherfucker is going to get executed….
Which brings me to my point. Why the fuck do rockstars/musicians/singers/performers insist on flying around the fuckin stage like some kind of fucking bird. Do the fans really find it that exciting to see an idiot strapped up and floating around the stage? Don’t they realize if the audience is there, 55% of them are fans and want to see them sing, 40% are asshole dudes dragged along for the ride by a girl they hope to fuck, 3% are media or got free tickets and 2% are there hoping all that fried chicken takes her out and she has a massive heart attack on stage. You know, to witness a historical event. But none of them want to see a fat slut do silly stunts that aren’t even impressive.
Step it the fuck up, I mean, if you can manage lifting your own legs, you fat pig.
