I was talking to a girl the other day who was going through her Victoria’s Secret catalog and I had a flashback of when the Victoria’s Secret catalog was the closest thing most men had to porn. I remember ordering the shit to my shithole apartment under a woman’s name because I didn’t want people working there thinking I was some kind of queer who buys women’s underwear, when I really just wanted it for good old fashioned jerking off…It was a simpler time where I didn’t have to dig through porn sites for something I haven’t already seen or something I am not already bored of…back when a little leg, midsection and cleavage wasn’t pathetic to cum to…It’s like they brought bikini porn into the home…a campaign for bikinis I got nothing by love for….

Whenever I think of how Victoria’s Secret has campaigned so hard to get bikini pictures into our everyday life, I remember the time I campaigned for bikinis…sure I was working on getting mandatory bikinis back when I volunteered for a senior aquarobics class and I was tired of seeing the bitches in this awkward one-piece suits with skirts attached the shit like they were 5 despite being 80. I tried for the whole “you are what you wear, so dress young and it will make you feel younger and all the youth are in 2 pieces and if you dress like an old lady you feel like an old lady ” kind of logic, but I ended up getting fired proving that you can get fired even when you’re not getting paid….

Posted in:Bikini|Candice Swanepoel