I have a lot in common with Alicia Keys’ personal chef….and that’s that before these pictures we just assumed she was always pregnant.It was the only explanation for the outrageous amounts of food she’s been eating all these years, making it safe to assume she was eating for two, and we just didn’t take the time to realize that the other person Alicia Keys was feeding was her sloppy legs and ass….

Don’t get me wrong, I love fat black women, I mean there’s a reason Aunt Jamima syrup sells so well, it brings comfort, comfort I’ve been trying to recreate by spending a lifetime of trying to bed big women to try to get that feeling again, but they don’t taste syrupy good, or smell like warm cooked country breakfast…they taste and smell like shit…but in my defense, I really only got with fat chicks when no one else would take me, and that’s how I stupidly married one….

And what it all comes down to is that pregnant or not, I have never found Alicia Keys hot, worth wanting to fuck, so seeing her in a bikini pregnant or just fat in a bikini is all the same kinda boring….and just reminds me that bitch should keep the fat women off the beach and on Jerry Springer talking about having sex for a cheeseburger where they belong.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Alicia Keys