Want to know something that I’ve never ever wanted to see in the history of my existence…I’m talking not in 2001 when her big song made her a breakout star…and not now… Alicia Keys nude, pregnant or not, promoting anything…

If anything, she’s the kind of girl who might as well not be a girl to me…and I don’t know why – I am sure she’s sweet, and lovely, like all these rich and famous people with staff and handlers are…and I am sure someone out there finds her hot…but for me…someone who will look at anyone naked…and I mean anyone…I mean you should see some of the girls I have gone down on, you’d throw up…but for some reason…a reason beyond pregnancy..this does nothing to me…and I guess that’s why I am compelled to post it…

Posted in:Alicia Keys

Alicia Keys posted this bikini pics, and she was clever enough to focus on her ripped stomach to distract you from her huge, scary, monster legs…and for some reason I am not offended by it…maybe I have been having sex with my vile wife for too long…

Posted in:Alicia Keys

I don’t think Alicia Keys keeps on falling in and out of love….with “UH” you…I think she keeps falling in and out of love with cake, but for the most part, she’s pretty in love with cake.

Posted in:Alicia Keys

I just finished saying that I didn’t care what a bitch looked like, just as long as she was in a bikini…well I want to take that statement back…cuz I know that what happened was I was so excited by all the ridiculously hot pussy…that when the ugly bitches walked by I didn’t even notice them..and if I did….I was so excited by the hot pussy that I was pretty willing to finger their assholes with my tongue…

Cuz when ugly pussy is alone, in a “Me against the pool” party….it’s hardly something you want to mount like an animal in the fucking jungle….but instead…it is something you’d rather want to erase from your memory…espeically when it is in picture…something hardly jerk off-able…but the good news is that this in the fucking internet and you’ve got yourself some google to take care of your pervert needs…pervert.

Posted in:Alicia Keys

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She might as well been modeled sitting in her bed eating a tub of ice cream crying cuz her boyfriend left her. I always say instead of wrapping the emotional eating up in spandex, embrace and expose it….

You’d think out of respect they’d slim her down to the point everyone would say “Shit, look how great they made her look” instead “hey look they turned her into a fast food restaurant clerk dresses as Alicia Keys as an action figure on halloweeen”……

Not that I actually care, I just find it funny. What an amazing joke on the part of Madame Tisasss….This is something I’d do in the DrunkenStepfather Wax Museum of Sluts that currently lives in the furnace room and is strictly reserved for me to fuck.

Posted in:Alicia Keys

I have a lot in common with Alicia Keys’ personal chef….and that’s that before these pictures we just assumed she was always pregnant.It was the only explanation for the outrageous amounts of food she’s been eating all these years, making it safe to assume she was eating for two, and we just didn’t take the time to realize that the other person Alicia Keys was feeding was her sloppy legs and ass….

Don’t get me wrong, I love fat black women, I mean there’s a reason Aunt Jamima syrup sells so well, it brings comfort, comfort I’ve been trying to recreate by spending a lifetime of trying to bed big women to try to get that feeling again, but they don’t taste syrupy good, or smell like warm cooked country breakfast…they taste and smell like shit…but in my defense, I really only got with fat chicks when no one else would take me, and that’s how I stupidly married one….

And what it all comes down to is that pregnant or not, I have never found Alicia Keys hot, worth wanting to fuck, so seeing her in a bikini pregnant or just fat in a bikini is all the same kinda boring….and just reminds me that bitch should keep the fat women off the beach and on Jerry Springer talking about having sex for a cheeseburger where they belong.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Alicia Keys