There was a time when I used to live-blog these events. I’d make fun of every live award show, even the low grade ones that don’t matter, like the American Music Awards…which to date have been the only award show what have invited me to attend…something you’d think would make me like them, but reminds me of how desperate they are.

You see I like my award show like I like my women…no, not locked in my basement or on all fours…but rather thinking they are too good for me, and not giving me the time of day…

Things that happened that you’d care about…Rihanna dressed like an Emoji, Taylor Swift is just 23 and wins a lot in her tight dress and 80s hair, J.Lo sang in Spanish because the Hispanic market is huge and still buy her records, even when she wears panties, clearly a Crime on Catholicism….Miley sang with a lip syncing cat, in what was genius creative direction – seriously – I loved it and Lady Gaga showed up on a try hard pony and pretended to be Marilyn Monroe while R.Kelly shoulda been peeing on her…and Christina Aguilera he been cyber bullied into not being fat…Good times…not really…awards shows are shit and this one should have died with Dick Clark…

Here’s a round up from instagram…to give you a sense of what I hope you missed, because you’re a grown ass man and don’t need to watch this shit…

Here’s the Miley Performance…

Posted in:AMAs|SFW