Salma Hayek’s in Cannes because she’s a French billionaire’s wife, no longer a Mexican border jumping Celebrity who stole jobs from the stateside Mexican Americans because of her monster sized tits and the fact that she was already a bratty rich kid in Mexico. She started out winning.

She’s old as shit, but not too old to understand how face filters or photoshop works, ERASE THAT FACE GRANNY or more importantly, how the whole internet social media content works, all you need to do is show a little skin and tease the phone camera, far easier than having to go on set somewhere, you bring the set with you.

Old as shit, weathered old ladies holding onto a dream are better when their tits are out….unfortunately for us, this fetish is bath robe oriented, not tit oriented and that seems like a fucking waste, like not collecting tampon applicators you see in the recycling bins on recycling day to taste test knowing they’ve been in a cunt!

Posted in:Salma Hayek