It’s the law to make at least on CANS IN CANNES dad joke annually when the festival goes down. Salma is those CANS today….

CANNES has made a new dress code laws that doesn’t allow the shameless whores who are in attendence, ready to make their debut because their rich financier decided to invite them, to flash their tits. So we’re stuck with cleavage.

Salma Hayek is coming fresh off her Sports Illustrated Swim cover shoot.

At 55+, that’s an impressive feat, especially after being traumatized by seeing one of those 55+ porn magazine back when they made the obscure niche porn magazines before the internet took over in porn weirdness.

It may be one of those situations which being rich in her own right and rich through marrying one of the richest dudes in the world has allowed her to live in a vaccuum and age better than the Marge at the corner store who sells me cigarettes, we call her the last standing white convenience store worker, and she is either 35 or 95….you just can’t tell if it’s been hard living or just dying.

Hayek is famous and relies on her looks for that career that made her billionaire buy her in the first place, all made in Mexico and ready to be shipped internationally for the right price

So she has to be vain as a matter of survival. She has to maintain a certain level of looks to keep her career and her man’s erection while she has sex with other men in front of him at the Satanic sex parties….Billionaires…

So for the life of her, she’s aging gracefully with the help of money, science, tits.

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Salma Hayek Reminds Us You Can Never Be Too Old to Whore, even When You’re Too Old to Whore…

Salma Hayek is arguably an A-List celebrity thanks to her tits from the 90s.

In being an A-List celebrity she was sold off to some fashion tycoon billionaire who bred her.

Now they’ve decided that her tits haven’t done enough work for the family, or to validate themselves to secure their home in one of their mansions.

So she’s decided to show her man that she can still keep up with the youngs, just so he doesn’t leave her for new and fresher pussy.

She’s gotta secure her presence, so she called her team and ensured some validation in the from of clickbait, viral stunt generating Sports Illustrated Swim….

Who decided to make noise with the masculine-faced senior citizen mid-rot.

Hopefully her husband realizes what she’s done for him and his cuck needing his wife to be jerked off to rich guy needs, like he’s a diddy….

Maybe late-stage Menopause never looked this good…but it is still Menopause. Gross.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS FROM THE MAGAZINE FEATURING TONS OF UNIMPRESSIVE SLUTS CLICK HERE

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Salma Hayek brought her tits out for Easter because she’s religious like that.

She figures unleashing her big famous tits in a bikini is more fun than a traditional  EASTER EGG hunt….

Even though she her Easter Egg Hunt is probably the kind that involves the use of her colon because her billionaire husband who collected her sends her off to their Easter Themed rich person sex parties. I saw Eyes Wide Shut, I know how it works. It’s a small club and we’re not in it…but it’s IN Salma Hayek…..

If you’re old lady Hayek and you still have fat tits people want to see, you might as well make it easy for them by not wasting your time hiding them, but treating it more like how you’d treat an Easter Egg hunt for a retard kid…just putting it out there so they can find it, why delay creaming the eggs…who has time for that shit.

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In some of the most disappointing fashion photos to ever grace the internet, Salma Hayek partnered up with Marie Claire magazine and did what is one of the most boring shoots of all time.

They put the old Mexican escort to a billionaire in what seems to be a sheer outfit, but it’s not nearly sheer enough.

The didn’t showcase her giant tits, which is 90 percent of her appeal….even in her old age….

They did have her do a stretch, which most old ladies would break their hip replacement doing, but Hayek is tough and the only damage was the artifacts of her once vibrant vagina split apart and crumbled to dust like an old dried out Mexican Casita made of clay with the thatched roof after years of exposure to the elements…

Which I guess is as good as it gets…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

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Salma Hayek is old as shit but still has her tits, unlike many women her age who have died of Breast Cancer.

She is showing off her tits, like she’s mocking those women who have died of breast cancer, because she can.

These billionaire wives are typically asshole showoffs, throw in a hollywood career and I can’t imagine them being any kinder, throw in escaping Mexico, where I am sure her family were very rich and you just know she’s an asshole….and bragging about her tits is hardly the WORST of what she does.

However, we like a good set of tits.

If you like a good set of tits, put your hands up.

If you like BIG TITS jump up and down…

We’ll do anything for the tit, so even old cunty behavior that comes with tits, doesn’t get in the way of our coming to tits…

It’s basic science really.

Posted in:Salma Hayek

Unlike other women her age, Salma Hayek is not spending her government issued old age pension at the casino on the slot machines while pissing herself in her adult diapers because her pelvic floor muscles are weak from years of being banged the fuck out.

She’s a rich old lady, so she can afford the diet and exercise programs, the hormonal stem cell therapies, the cosmetic procedures, the high paid photographers and after effect masters of photoshop to carry on as if she was still that overrated 30 year old Mexican actress that is really not that hot, but has a set of rockin’ tits, that made her hot enough, or that made us ignore her bulldog looking man-jaw.

She was sold to a billionaire family, the dude wanted to breed her as billionaires do, seeking her at any cost and getting her because these women are all whores…

We’ll assume part of her appeal tot he billionaire was that everyone was jerking off to her because she was marketed as hot, so in being a faggy rich guy, he wanted what everyone else wanted and can’t get, that’s the whole point of being rich…so he forces her to continue producing the smut for the jerk offs because it’s how he gets off in his weird rich person sex dungeon….and that’s actually far less creepy that the sex dungeons of the other rich people who only get off by killing and skinning hookers they never get arrested for killing because they are rich….

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There’s an episode of the Golden Girls where Blanche realizes what she looks like to a spectator looking up at her from above….and how her sex must be in the laid down position from then on because it pulls everything back where gravity has turned on them with the standard 50 year old woman rot…

So Hayek, who really wasn’t very hot in her youth but who was marketed to us as if she was, is still producing jerk off material to the fans like an OF model holding onto the dream, but rich enough to do it for free or charity as hand outs, because her billionare husband clearly likes dudes jerking off to her and order her to do this kind of thing, because that’s the reason he bought her.

With her laying back, tits to her chin, one piece suit hiding the old lady gut….she’s doing alright…

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Salma Hayek may have erased her old lady face in these pics, she’s a billionaire’s wife and can do whatever she fucking wants, you jerks.

She’s sharing a moment of mindfulness, where like all the assholes on social media who push new age meditation weirdness and enlightenment for a profit, she had her camera crew there to capture the moment, because nothing says zen, or connecting with your spirit or whatever these assholes think they are doing when they meditate, like posing for a camera while you do it…

I guess any excuse to showcase the tit is a good one….granny knows.

Posted in:Salma Hayek

Salma Hayek is a very famous set of tits. She’s also very rich, at least you’d assume she was rich, since her husband’s family own all the luxury brands and also own the hot tits they see in the movies that they decide they want to breed in a point to the screen after seeing one of her movies and saying to “Daddy” or whatever they call their “Daddies” in France where they are from, probably somthing like “Pere or Papa”, see I speak French you fucks, but he goes “Papa, JE veux LES Seins sure le Television”…or some shit and daddy, being the billionaire tyrant sweat shop owning tyrant that he is makes it happen then buys her talent agency to further control the situation.

It happened, these tits did it….and here they are getting squirted on and sprayed down like an old lady car wash fetish video but fancier since it’s yacht shit.

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Salma Hayek is in a silver dress, because she’s old as shit, in her silver years, but she’s married to a rich fuck, so I guess it’s probably a platinum dress, it’s more expensive. Not to mention, her rich husband owns all the designer brands, so she gets the special treatment.

She is laying in what looks like packing peanuts.

We can either assume that she’s paying tribute to her being human trafficked to her billionaire husband after being human trafficked to the Hollywood industry via Mexico…BORDER patrol…

Or she’s a robot that the husband had built in her image that he sends around to events, while the real Hayek is dead in the basement after one of their fights. It’s self preservation, they need to keep up appearances and pretend that the original Hayek is alive, because otherwise they’ll know he did it. It’s always the husband.

Posted in:Salma Hayek