We are 30 minutes out from the start of the eclipse, which may be opening up the floodgates from hell and leading to the rapture. I am sure there are hippie freaks who are taking this eclipse very seriously and flew down to Mexico to do some half naked ritualistic dance on some psychedelic, because they are rich and need something to do to add purpose to their meaningless lives….but I’m more in the school of thought that I am surprised I even know it’s happening because I am so detached from all these annoying internet trends…in previous eclipses, I’ve only realized while they happened that they were happening…

Anyway, 30 minutes out and I’m here celebrating Rosie Huntington-Whitely, in the event that it is total chaos and this is my last message sent out to the world though a site no one reads…

It wasn’t strategically planned that it would be Rosie Huntington-Whitely, but it just sort of landed this way and I’m actually happy it is because over the entirety of her career and this site, I’ve been nothing but hyped on her.

Out of all the celebs I’ve hated on, made fun of, called old and fat and useless, this one has always been on of my favorites who I can’t speak badly about…

I used to try to use her as a beacon of hope for the bald guys out there because Jason Statham landed her, but when you look into Statham or watch his movies, you realize he’s an exceptional human and your bald ass will remain alone…

I’ve always thought her posh, luxurious and very high society British demeanor complemented her hot tits being exposed for fahsion and I’ve liked that she’d be the kind of girl who wouldn’t acknowledge my presence if I happened to be stuck in a room with her, she’d just pretend to not hear me or not be bothered with me and that’s the kind of snobbery I like…the real kind, not this fake instagram chick thinking she’s important or fancy…but an actual bitch who is fancy and knows she’s from another class of humans who doesn’t interact with peasants like us.

Well, she was paid by fashion brand Dolce and Gabbana to attend an event, her dress was see through, and she’s pretty wonderful….the kind of thing I’d want to be stuck in a bomb shelter with during this DOOMSDAY style event, that won’t end up being a DOOMSDAY event because we’re not that lucky, but Stathem is…I mean holy shit, she’s like 40 now and still a master of our penies…

Posted in:Rosie Huntinton-Whitley