So it turns out that the people at Maxim are into the same kind of women as me. You know, barely legal, addicted to drugs, with panties that are filled with money, herpes, men’s cock and a vagina that is always ready to have a good time. She is a pornstar without showing penetration on video, although after watching every single one of her movies I’ve felt totally prison raped, she’s Lohan and when I was away, she was put away. So seeing her grace the pages of a magazine in picture and in interview is a nice welcome home to me.

I have realized that I will never get to hang out with Lohan by the pool drinking cocktails. She will probably either be dead or committed and even if she had maintained her life livin’ the dream, she’d never take the time out for me. I have been trying to stalk her for about 2 years, I thought I found her on facebook, myspace, AIM, Google Talk. I had her phone number and would call her and never get an answer, so I guess I am forced to accept defeat and move on. It is going to be hard, goodbyes are never easy, especially when you’re not leaving by choice. I guess what it comes down to is that Lohan is done to me, but her tits will always have a place on this site when no one else wants to let her in off the street for a shower and a warm meal….

I was just outside and saw two girls thuggin’ it out. They were rehearsing some rap song while shopping for groceries with their mom. They were saying shit about a girl they had bagged who was five foot six and really knew how to suck some dick and I found the whole thing pretty awkward because the younger one’s dance move was simulating giving a blowjob. I blame them for my slow start to the day…and I blame the Disney Channel for giving them such shitty idols. Cuddles.

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