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Archive for the Unsorted Category

2007

27

Feb

I am – Daydream V – Tree Pee of the Day


I Am – Daydream V- Tree PeeAmazing videos are here

It’s always a day for a day dream. My dad today was fucking hell trying to deal with the server going down and none of you really care about that. I switched hosting companies even though the 2 dudes who built the site told me that it won’t make a difference and I guess what it all comes down to is that this is a chance for new beginnings provided it all works out the way I am hoping. Let this be a little advice to you, don’t start a website if you don’t know what the fuck you are doing. Don’t go to Staples to fax off a contract when you’ve never used a fax machine. Don’t let your gay webdesigner take you out for soup that made me think I was dying. Don’t smoke 3 cheap cigars in a row, unless you want to get cigar poisoned and don’t take a nap unless you want to wake up with your fat wife’s finger in your ass, trying to get sexy when all you want to do is shit all over the place, so you do.

Here’s today’s daydream – I hope you love it as much as I do.

Posted in:stepDAYDREAM|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

27

Feb

I am – Jessica Simpson Lookin’ Ratty of the Day

jessica_simpson_candidtop.jpg

I have just applied for a job at celebrity blog thesuperficial.com because I think it would be funny to get hired and do everything I can to bring them down while making some money off writing for the first time in my life. I’ll let you know if I get the job.

This is the bio I wrote about myself:

Jesus Martinez is the top celebrity blogger on the internet according to him. With a loyal fan base of 12 he brings the latest in celebrity gossip, nipple slips and vagina shots Hollywood has to offer. There was a time in Jesus Martinez’s life where he spent his days drunk and high and this life experience is reflected in his work.

There is no competition. He is better than anyone else including whoever the cunt you currently have writing your site. You should take advantage of the fact that he is broke, desperate for money and ready to start getting paid for his craft.

Jesus Martinez likes girls who have webcams, the color yellow and all things that involve self medicating. He is an emotional eater like the fat girl in your highschool and always wanted to be a professional ice fisherman, but could never find the ice.

Help Jesus Martinez find the ice.

Jesus Martinez also loves sitting, has an old TV he found in the trash and often finds himself watching Oprah on the one channel he gets.

Jesus Martinez married late in life to a lonely obese women with 2 stepdaughters but that doesn’t mean he can’t have a goodtime. Just last week he got caught spying on his neighbor in the shower, he won’t admit that he was in the wrong because she left her bathroom door unlocked. The police were never called.

Recently Myspace deleted his profile because he wrote about Female Ejaculation and how his life goal was to package it at sell it at every convenience store across America. It was intended to be the next big thing in energy drinks but he could never land the funding.

His last employer was at a local canning plant, where Jesus made sure the labels were on straight, but he got fired for trying to convince the receptionist to insert a can of peas in her ass and a can of creamed corn in her pussy.

Always an innovator and willing to work as hard as it takes, provided it takes less than 6-8 minutes a day.

Jesus Martinez’s website is currently the number one result for Bijou Phillips Aids, number one result for Kim Kardashian Pussy and the number 2 result of American Idol Blowjob all in Google.

Jesus Martinez has live blogged such high profile events as the Academy Awards, the American Music Awards and Lohan’s Appearance on Letterman.

He has also stepINTERVIEWED people like Montgomery Moose, Myspace Girl in a Bikini and the DJ in a picture with Lohan.

The success doesn’t end there, he has also personally stalked Lindsay Lohan as well as made numerous harassing phone calls to Paris Hilton and the guy who runs the cigar shop down the street who tried to rip him off, but he never chose to publish that, it was too close to his heart.

If you are looking for passion, good times and a grasp on all thing better than you, he is your man. The virgin chronic masturbating readers you currently cater to will find joy in his work.

If you’re looking for an article I wrote for a magazine that never got published check this out GO (It’s called how to have free sex with a hooker and it’s from 2 years ago)

That’s enough bigging myself up, my site is a piece of shit and so are you for reading it. I suck at life and it’s just funny to pretend I am a star for a few minutes…A lot like Jessica Simspon. Jessica is like a shit rainbow, many shades of brown…nice and ratty out and about fresh out of waking up in the gutter, just the way I like my women….but only because those were always the only kind of girl I could land.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

27

Feb

I am – Jessica Simpson Lookin' Ratty of the Day

jessica_simpson_candidtop.jpg

I have just applied for a job at celebrity blog thesuperficial.com because I think it would be funny to get hired and do everything I can to bring them down while making some money off writing for the first time in my life. I’ll let you know if I get the job.

This is the bio I wrote about myself:

Jesus Martinez is the top celebrity blogger on the internet according to him. With a loyal fan base of 12 he brings the latest in celebrity gossip, nipple slips and vagina shots Hollywood has to offer. There was a time in Jesus Martinez’s life where he spent his days drunk and high and this life experience is reflected in his work.

There is no competition. He is better than anyone else including whoever the cunt you currently have writing your site. You should take advantage of the fact that he is broke, desperate for money and ready to start getting paid for his craft.

Jesus Martinez likes girls who have webcams, the color yellow and all things that involve self medicating. He is an emotional eater like the fat girl in your highschool and always wanted to be a professional ice fisherman, but could never find the ice.

Help Jesus Martinez find the ice.

Jesus Martinez also loves sitting, has an old TV he found in the trash and often finds himself watching Oprah on the one channel he gets.

Jesus Martinez married late in life to a lonely obese women with 2 stepdaughters but that doesn’t mean he can’t have a goodtime. Just last week he got caught spying on his neighbor in the shower, he won’t admit that he was in the wrong because she left her bathroom door unlocked. The police were never called.

Recently Myspace deleted his profile because he wrote about Female Ejaculation and how his life goal was to package it at sell it at every convenience store across America. It was intended to be the next big thing in energy drinks but he could never land the funding.

His last employer was at a local canning plant, where Jesus made sure the labels were on straight, but he got fired for trying to convince the receptionist to insert a can of peas in her ass and a can of creamed corn in her pussy.

Always an innovator and willing to work as hard as it takes, provided it takes less than 6-8 minutes a day.

Jesus Martinez’s website is currently the number one result for Bijou Phillips Aids, number one result for Kim Kardashian Pussy and the number 2 result of American Idol Blowjob all in Google.

Jesus Martinez has live blogged such high profile events as the Academy Awards, the American Music Awards and Lohan’s Appearance on Letterman.

He has also stepINTERVIEWED people like Montgomery Moose, Myspace Girl in a Bikini and the DJ in a picture with Lohan.

The success doesn’t end there, he has also personally stalked Lindsay Lohan as well as made numerous harassing phone calls to Paris Hilton and the guy who runs the cigar shop down the street who tried to rip him off, but he never chose to publish that, it was too close to his heart.

If you are looking for passion, good times and a grasp on all thing better than you, he is your man. The virgin chronic masturbating readers you currently cater to will find joy in his work.

If you’re looking for an article I wrote for a magazine that never got published check this out GO (It’s called how to have free sex with a hooker and it’s from 2 years ago)

That’s enough bigging myself up, my site is a piece of shit and so are you for reading it. I suck at life and it’s just funny to pretend I am a star for a few minutes…A lot like Jessica Simspon. Jessica is like a shit rainbow, many shades of brown…nice and ratty out and about fresh out of waking up in the gutter, just the way I like my women….but only because those were always the only kind of girl I could land.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

27

Feb

I am – Lohan at the Oscars of the Day

lohan_oscars_top.jpg

I had a dream that a homeless dude ran up to me while I was having a nap in the park because he thought I was dying. I woke up with the sun in my eye and saw nothing but his muddy hand coming towards my chest to feel if my heart was beating. I don’t remember much else, but I think it’s a sign that homeless people are the new angle for this blog and instead of posting Kim Kardashian’s pussy, I am going to post homeless women’s pussies, and instead of celebrity nip slips, I am going to post squeegee chick nip slips, you know their little meth addicted nipples poking through their oversized shirts they found in a gutter that hang off their malnourished bodies. It would be a lot more interesting that the shit I post about now, so I think I had a revelation and now you are all part of it, admit it feels good to be part of something for the first time in your life….

Speaking of people a part of something, here is Lohan pretending to be part of the whole Oscar festivities by trying to outstage the award in her dress that’s brighter than the motherfucker. I guess she’s relevant to throw up in this revelation post because it won’t be long before she’s homeless and I’ll totally launch the sex tape, fuck I’ll even star in it as the dude who knock’s over her cup of change that leads her to her homeless man gangbang…

You may not know what I am talking about, but either do I, so we’re ok. But I do know that all those mirrors make me want to rip lines off every part of her fat body. I feel like I am more into her in the same way a farmer is more into his prize pumpkin or his plumpest turkey during thanksgiving…a fat lohan is good for business, provided I actually had a business and not a hackjob of a site…here are the pics, stop reading this now…

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

27

Feb

I am – Bijou Phillips AIDS Tits of the Day

hostel_poster.jpg

I get excited whenever I see a celebrity’s tit because that is what my life is based on. Even if that celebrity isn’t really a celebrity but some hipster who accidentally lands roles because of the Make a Wish Foundation, they do nice things for people with AIDS at least that’s the story I’ve heard. When I see any opportunity to post any tit I jump on it, because the only tit I ever see in real life is on strippers or on my wife which are tits that don’t really count as tits because they are the size of a 14 year old dude. So even when the tit is on some movie poster, I feel obligated to post it. I am actually pretty surprised that she’s got tits this solid considering her ailment. Maybe I’ve been wrong about her all this time…

On a site note – google Bijou Phillips Aids GO

I’m such a rumor starter…maybe that’s why I like playing with my nipples while listening to Lohan’s Rumor Starter single on repeat….or it could be because I am weird.

The site is still working. This is a revolution.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

27

Feb

I am – Petra Nemcova’s Lame Nip Slip of the Day

petra_nemcova10.jpg

The thing I love about Petra Nemcova, other than the fact that she is pretty fucking decent lookin’ is that she runs after average looking men. On the surface, it gives hope to all you fucking losers who can’t get the fat albino from around the block to show you her white pube covered box, even when you offer her money, hope. But when you scratch beneath the surface you realize that the dude she’s with is the biggest thing to come out of the UK since that fat chick in the movie Titanic. Point of the story is that if you are a loser with no style you should start reading some self-help books on what women want. You should start practicing how to write poems and maybe one day, your lame song about falling in love with a girl you don’t know but saw on the subway will get some record execs wife soft and damp and forcing her husband to make you the next big thing. If you noticed, I assumed that the record exec was a man and not a woman. Is that why feminists always send me hate mail? I just call myself a realist.

Speaking of real, here is a little part of her nipple stickin’ out of her dress for you all to jerk off to while dreaming that you were James Blunt, probably not the first time you’ve done that. Weirdo. Nip slips are getting boring, but not as boring as trying to fix website when you have no knowledge of anything more than nip slips. Either way, remember, you’re beautiful in my eyes, and that’s all that really matters. But I have no standards. Cuddles….

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

27

Feb

I am – Petra Nemcova's Lame Nip Slip of the Day

petra_nemcova10.jpg

The thing I love about Petra Nemcova, other than the fact that she is pretty fucking decent lookin’ is that she runs after average looking men. On the surface, it gives hope to all you fucking losers who can’t get the fat albino from around the block to show you her white pube covered box, even when you offer her money, hope. But when you scratch beneath the surface you realize that the dude she’s with is the biggest thing to come out of the UK since that fat chick in the movie Titanic. Point of the story is that if you are a loser with no style you should start reading some self-help books on what women want. You should start practicing how to write poems and maybe one day, your lame song about falling in love with a girl you don’t know but saw on the subway will get some record execs wife soft and damp and forcing her husband to make you the next big thing. If you noticed, I assumed that the record exec was a man and not a woman. Is that why feminists always send me hate mail? I just call myself a realist.

Speaking of real, here is a little part of her nipple stickin’ out of her dress for you all to jerk off to while dreaming that you were James Blunt, probably not the first time you’ve done that. Weirdo. Nip slips are getting boring, but not as boring as trying to fix website when you have no knowledge of anything more than nip slips. Either way, remember, you’re beautiful in my eyes, and that’s all that really matters. But I have no standards. Cuddles….

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

27

Feb

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

steplinks1111.jpg

The site being down makes me feel like I am Christopher Reeves bound to a wheelchair with little I can do. I just wait for someone to email me offering their expert blog knowledge to make all the headaches go away..Until that happens, all I can really do is surf the internet add links to my list of links and cry.

I just got drunk at an Irish pub where some dude was playing the fiddle. An old dude sat next to me and couldn’t hear anything I said. When he spoke he made no sense. He had no language but his own and it reminded me of this site. Thanks for reading my nonsense an let’s hope the site stays up today….

My site may suck right now, but I am still the best fucking blog according to me.

Here are my links. Cuddles.


Lewis Black on Rehab and George Bush
GO

Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Oscar Cleavage
GO

Dating Losers from an 80s Dating Service
GO

Birthday Card of the Day
GO

Shitty Will Ferrell at the Oscar Song that Sucked
GO

Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore Smoke Weed…So Does the Rest of the World…Who Cares…Pics
GO

Crazy Midget Crakheads are Amazing
GO

Long Tongued Cam Girl Video
GO

FHM’s Girl on Girl Kamasutra Guide Not that YOu’ll Ever Use Any of these Moves
GO

Hot Bitches Drinkin’ Tea Site
GO

Some Stupid Garbage Man Seducing a Chick Video
GO

The Flight Attendant Ralph Finnes Banged May Be Pregs cuz It’s Good For Business
GO

Some Nude Pics of a Girl in Stripes
GO

Jamie Hammer Webcam Show With Lotion Cuz She Has an Intenst Naked Body….
GO

Some Topless Helen Mirren (Academy Award Winner) Screencaps
GO

The Annoying Devil
GO

Some Diddy Drunken Rant About Jessica Simpson…That May Not Even Be Diddy
GO

Breast Feeding Anywhere Protestors.
GO

Jennifer Love Hewitt Video of the Day with a Tight White T-Shirt
GO

Someone Named Kym Marsh Topless at the Pool
GO

Fleshflick called Military Superiority
GO

Hot Local Bathing Suit Company
GO

Lohan Paparazzi Video of the Day, I Call It “Going to Her Stylist”
GO

Big Tits on the Catwalk Video for You
GO

Some Bitch Named Federica Fontana Posing and Lookin Aight…
GO

Diddy’s 12 Year old Son Gets a Lap Dance….
GO

Hefner is Getting Married to One of his Girlfriends….
GO

Fantasia from American Idol Singing on Idol Video showing off her Goonies Face…
GO

Kelly Brook in FHM
GO

A minute in Pictures with Olga Sidornova Some Russian Slag…
GO

Some Paris Hilton Birthday Party News
GO

Tyra Banks Molesting Katherine Mcphee’s Tits on Her Show in Video
GO

If this group reaches 1,000,000 people, he will run around the world for AIDS…I do my part…
GO

Boy with a Monkey Tail
GO

Burning Slip and Slide Jackass Style Action
GO

Ashley Shank is Pretty Naked in These Magazine Pictures
GO

Kim Kardashian’s Sex Tape is on Hold…No Brown Pussy for You…
GO

Sexy Game of the Day – Topless Darts
GO

Drunk Chick Gets Tazared
GO

Zini Music Video of the Day
GO

Funny Way to Wake Up Video…with a G-String in Face
GO

Salma Hayek at some Premiere
GO

Some Retardedly Big Breasted Chick
GO

Abi Titmuss in Zoo Magazine Photoshoot VIdeo
GO

Some Playboy Russia Action
GO

Hot Mexican Chick of the Day – Michelle Cruz Posing
GO

Big Breasted Breakfast in Japan Video
GO

Jenna Jameson Lookin’ Busted Like a Pornstar Should
GO

Hot Fan Sign of the Day
GO

Feeding Time at the Baghdad Zoo
GO

Fight with 2Pac
GO

Bonus – Christina Ricci’s Sex Scene With Timberlake in that New Movie

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

26

Feb

I am – Daydream Video IV: Changin’ Clothes of the Day


Daydream 4 – Clothes Shoppin’Click here for more amazing videos

There comes a time in every useless bloggers life that you realize that they are actually a blogger and shame is the only feeling you feel. It’s probably one of the most embarrassing things to tell people you meet because all they think is how fucking lame someone who thinks their self-righteous opion must be even when your blog reaches 100,000 people a day, they still think to themselves how much of a fucking loser you are because you have a blog.

I am running off about 3 hours of sleep, I haven’t been able to figure out why my server is dying or why my site is dying. Unlike real bloggers, I don’t have any concept of technology related things. It too me 4 years to figure out how to make a hyperlink. That’s not the point the point is that we all have dreams and mine wasn’t to be a blogger and I can assume this dude’s dream wasn’t to end up like this.

That’s what’ makes it today’s GO daydream installment which is safe to say may be the next biggest thing on the internet.

Posted in:stepDAYDREAM|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

26

Feb

I am – Daydream Video IV: Changin' Clothes of the Day


Daydream 4 – Clothes Shoppin’Click here for more amazing videos

There comes a time in every useless bloggers life that you realize that they are actually a blogger and shame is the only feeling you feel. It’s probably one of the most embarrassing things to tell people you meet because all they think is how fucking lame someone who thinks their self-righteous opion must be even when your blog reaches 100,000 people a day, they still think to themselves how much of a fucking loser you are because you have a blog.

I am running off about 3 hours of sleep, I haven’t been able to figure out why my server is dying or why my site is dying. Unlike real bloggers, I don’t have any concept of technology related things. It too me 4 years to figure out how to make a hyperlink. That’s not the point the point is that we all have dreams and mine wasn’t to be a blogger and I can assume this dude’s dream wasn’t to end up like this.

That’s what’ makes it today’s GO daydream installment which is safe to say may be the next biggest thing on the internet.

Posted in:stepDAYDREAM|stepTV|Unsorted