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Archive for the Unsorted Category

2006

26

May

DrunkenStepfather Update of the Day 05/26

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Dear Faithful Followers,

As I sit here writing this email, I am saddened, filled with anguish and affliction; for this will be my final email. It is with great regret that I make-known my departure from the city of Montreal, thus leaving behind the persona that is Drunken Step Steve. I am a firm believer that all great things must come to an end, even if it is 4 weeks later. I would like to extend a loving arm, and metaphorically shake the hands of those that have made my stay here so arousing.

Shouts outs go to Dlisted.com for not sucking, Planetsuzy.com for flirting with me, Cayos.com for replying to every singe email, and PinkIsTheNewBlog and Perez Hilton for being the punch line to every joke, ever.

Speaking of jokes, here is Today’s Links for the last time.

Lindsey Lohan Stalker post of the day. V.10
StepMUSIC does My So Called Life
Scary Spice is still around
Resse Witherspoon’s favorite pants
Rachel Bilsons dog is a pervert.
Michelle Trachtenberg stalker post, of the day. v2.0
Liz Hurley’s wardrobe malfunction
Victoria Silvstedts in Cannes

Yet again, I have been slacking on the office photos. Instead, however, I have these pictures of me walking away. How symbolic.

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Today’s Useful Tip:

I Quit.

This email has been brought to you by: Dictionary.com

Desperately yours,

Steve.

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Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

26

May

I am – Pink's Pink Nipples of the Day

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As previously mentioned, Drunken StepSteve has left the cardboard box in the laundry room of the aparment complex I live in. The place I call the stepOFFICE. He left to pursue other dreams but will still be with us in spirit and by spirit, I mean I am having someone kill him off because I like to think of my life as a sitcom and in this sitcom his character knows way too much about my plans….

Steve was a great contribution to the site and sent out a lot of really funny daily emails that none of you got to read because you don’t run websites. He put up with my lack of communication and social skills and never let me down, until yesterday when he announced his departure. I know he’s a talent and I will be trying to lure him in to be on camera personality for future stepTV projects if he has time for us. I like to think of my little stepfather site as a stepping stone to everyone….and that said here are some pictures of Pink singing an emotional goodbye song for all of you to cry to.

Drunken Step Steve, I’d like to officially thank you for your hard work, turning my couches into a camper bed, the dinners you cooked for me while I was on the computer, numerous nights at the strip club and in bars spending my step daughter’s college money and most importantly for keeping me company in this lonely internet life that I live. It was good times and reminded me of my days back in college. I like to think you brought new life into what I do, and hopefully that will carry through into making me a lot of money. I will be sending you postcards from the top. Enjoy your trip back home and your worldly travels. One day, I’ll give you that shout out on Kimmel, maybe a little “Wish you were here, asshole” and that’s when you’ll know you made the right choice…

Pink Passionate About the Music (at least someone is)


Pink Nipples in Face Magazine (not sure how old it is)


Bonus: Drunken StepSteve’s Goodbye Email (made public)

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

26

May

I am – Pink’s Pink Nipples of the Day

pinktitsFACETOP.jpg

As previously mentioned, Drunken StepSteve has left the cardboard box in the laundry room of the aparment complex I live in. The place I call the stepOFFICE. He left to pursue other dreams but will still be with us in spirit and by spirit, I mean I am having someone kill him off because I like to think of my life as a sitcom and in this sitcom his character knows way too much about my plans….

Steve was a great contribution to the site and sent out a lot of really funny daily emails that none of you got to read because you don’t run websites. He put up with my lack of communication and social skills and never let me down, until yesterday when he announced his departure. I know he’s a talent and I will be trying to lure him in to be on camera personality for future stepTV projects if he has time for us. I like to think of my little stepfather site as a stepping stone to everyone….and that said here are some pictures of Pink singing an emotional goodbye song for all of you to cry to.

Drunken Step Steve, I’d like to officially thank you for your hard work, turning my couches into a camper bed, the dinners you cooked for me while I was on the computer, numerous nights at the strip club and in bars spending my step daughter’s college money and most importantly for keeping me company in this lonely internet life that I live. It was good times and reminded me of my days back in college. I like to think you brought new life into what I do, and hopefully that will carry through into making me a lot of money. I will be sending you postcards from the top. Enjoy your trip back home and your worldly travels. One day, I’ll give you that shout out on Kimmel, maybe a little “Wish you were here, asshole” and that’s when you’ll know you made the right choice…

Pink Passionate About the Music (at least someone is)


Pink Nipples in Face Magazine (not sure how old it is)


Bonus: Drunken StepSteve’s Goodbye Email (made public)

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

26

May

I am – Lohan Stalker Post of the Day

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You guys know what I am doing here. I feel like it’s annoying to read an intro to something that is so easy to grasp. If you don’t you can scroll down and click on my previous stalker posts. I like think these are genius, most people just find them creepy, but the make-up artist on the Trachtenberg movie just answered….that means these are working and eventually I will get an email from Lohan’s people asking me to stop….which is kinda the point.

This is an email I wrote to John Penotti one of the producers of Lohan’s upcoming movie “Bill”….

Dear John,

I am feeling a little lonely and sad today. The guy who lives on my couch and writes daily update emails is leaving DrunkenStepfather HQ, which doubles as a home for my wife and step kids. The reason I am emailing you, is because I want Lohan to take his place. I want to give her everything I can give because I truly feel we are attached at the soul. I know you are working on a movie together and feel like you are my one true hope in getting my message to her. I can tell you’re a good person John and I know when someone comes to you for help, you are there to offer your services and I appreciate that. So please let Lohan know that Jesus Martinez from DrunkenStepfather.com is looking for her. I don’t know if you have ever felt love, John, but it’s overpowering. This love I have is overpowering. If you can’t pass on the message, her phone number will suffice

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Dude, that was possibly the best stalker email EVER and now here are some pictures of Lohan doing stuff…

Lohan Shops


Lohan and a Lollipop


Lohan Tans


Lohan Interview Magazine

Previously on DrunkenStepfahter:

Lohan Stalker Post 9
Lohan Stalker Post 8
Lohan Stalker Post 7
Lohan Stalker Post 6
Lohan Stalker Post 5
Lohan Stalker Post 4
Lohan Stalker Post 3
Lohan Stalker Post 2
Lohan Stalker Post 1

Posted in:stepSTALKER|Unsorted

2006

26

May

I am – StepMUSIC: My So Called Life

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Grover is stuck in the 90’s and I guess that’s ok. All people go through a mid-life crisis, it just usually hits around 40 while depressed about your BORING job, BORING wife, BORING time conforming to society….I guess Grover is just going through it a little prematurely, since he’s not even 30 yet, either way this is what he had to say about My So Called Life…..

I posted yesterday about The Lemonheads, which got me to thinking about Juliana Hatfield’s performance in “My So Called Life.� After I sent my email to Jesus, I decided to pop in a VHS that had a few episodes of the show that I had recorded a few years ago. I never really cared for Claire Danes, but I did like that show. Maybe I liked it because of Brian Krakow, the nerdy, curly haired next-door neighbor who reminded me of myself. I started thinking about the memorable songs that made up the shows soundtrack and realized arugably the best music ever recorded appeared on the show.

Here are a few songs that are the result of all the thinking I did (right click – save target as – keep them – until Jesus gets sued)

“Consequence�-The Notwist
(Appeared in Shopgirl which starred Claire Danes)

“Away With The Pixies�-Ben Lee
(This dude dated Claire Danes for a while. This is a song he recorded before he did the whole puberty thing.�

“Everybody’s Stalking”-Badly Drawn Boy
(Appeared in Igby Goes Down, which starred Danes. Awful movie.

“I Shall Be Released�-The Band
(Appeared in Prefontaine which starred Jared Leto)

“I Need You Around�-The Smoking Popes
(From the Clueless soundtrack since Alicia Silverstone was originally considered for the part of Angela Chase)

Bonus: Claire Danes Nude Caps from Shop Girl….


Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

26

May

I am – Spice Girl on Cell Phone of the Day

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I tell you what I want, what I really really want….there’s no better way to start a post than to drop a lyric from the bitch you are posting on’s first album….actually I lied. There are a lot better ways to start a post, but I am not crafty enough to find those ways. If I was, I would be rockin’ pink suits with Jesus embroidered on the back, looking like the biggest cunt in the motherfucking Cannes Film fest cuz it gets you into OK! Magazine. I guess the point of this post is to say that we haven’t heard shit about Mel Brown in years, and considering I was pretty much dating her, and by dating I mean jerking off to their first video chronically when my penis worked, I figured it was necessary for me to post these pics. It’s also nice to see that she can still afford Ed Hardy shirts cuz my step daughter paid 100 dollars for her, which is just insanity.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

26

May

I am – Reese Witherspoon's Favorite Grey Pants

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If you are famous you should own more than one pair of pants, because the paparazzi follow you and nothing says “I’m a bad mother” like wearing the same pants 2 weeks apart. When you are me, you are lucky if you own more than one pair of pants, because I am poor and no one ever notices me unless I stink of piss. That reminds me of my walk to the coffee shop today. Some homeless motherfucker with one leg shorter than the other (I could tell by the one platform shoe) . He was all sprawled outside starbucks on their patio beggin for change making people more feel uncomfortable…so uncomfortable that they were relieved to stand next to me in line. I guess that happens to chicks all time, everywhere a girl goes there is always a better looking girl than her….or a girl she thinks is better looking. Point of the story, is that I had a chick moment with a homeless man….and it’s nice to see Reese Witherspoon workin on her baby factory of an ass….

Bonus: Reese Wearing the same pants weeks ago….

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

26

May

I am – Reese Witherspoon’s Favorite Grey Pants

Reese_WitherspoonTOP.jpg

If you are famous you should own more than one pair of pants, because the paparazzi follow you and nothing says “I’m a bad mother” like wearing the same pants 2 weeks apart. When you are me, you are lucky if you own more than one pair of pants, because I am poor and no one ever notices me unless I stink of piss. That reminds me of my walk to the coffee shop today. Some homeless motherfucker with one leg shorter than the other (I could tell by the one platform shoe) . He was all sprawled outside starbucks on their patio beggin for change making people more feel uncomfortable…so uncomfortable that they were relieved to stand next to me in line. I guess that happens to chicks all time, everywhere a girl goes there is always a better looking girl than her….or a girl she thinks is better looking. Point of the story, is that I had a chick moment with a homeless man….and it’s nice to see Reese Witherspoon workin on her baby factory of an ass….

Bonus: Reese Wearing the same pants weeks ago….

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

26

May

I am – Rachel Bilson's Dog….

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I have gone over this before, but it’s Friday, and on Friday’s I like to reflect on the things I once said and the things I once did. That and I am tired and bored of reading the shit that I type. I am pretty sure you are all feeling the same way and are looking forward to a 2 day break from all this. Or maybe you’re addicted to me, and that would be kinda exciting, I just hope you never find my home address. Point of all this is to say that a celebrity dog is a lucky dog, not only does the dog live in luxury and meet other celebrity dogs, it gets to watch their celebrity owners fuck, shit and do all the other embarassing things a person does when they are alone. If Bilson has chronic yeast infections, her dog has seen this bitch Monestat 7 that shit, that’s huge. And that’s the end of that.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

26

May

I am – Rachel Bilson’s Dog….

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I have gone over this before, but it’s Friday, and on Friday’s I like to reflect on the things I once said and the things I once did. That and I am tired and bored of reading the shit that I type. I am pretty sure you are all feeling the same way and are looking forward to a 2 day break from all this. Or maybe you’re addicted to me, and that would be kinda exciting, I just hope you never find my home address. Point of all this is to say that a celebrity dog is a lucky dog, not only does the dog live in luxury and meet other celebrity dogs, it gets to watch their celebrity owners fuck, shit and do all the other embarassing things a person does when they are alone. If Bilson has chronic yeast infections, her dog has seen this bitch Monestat 7 that shit, that’s huge. And that’s the end of that.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted