Elisha Cuthbert is not dead….we just assumed she was because she’s been basically invisible for the last 10 years, the way a girl who turns 30 should be….but thanks to social media, she’s got the ability to reclaim her sex pest position in the world at 40…you know midlife crisis shit…so she’s got the bikini top on because she’s clearly been working out ut is modest enough to not show us what must be a mom pussy by now and if not is definitely a pussy well travelled….from Quebec Canada to bathroom stalls of LA clubs back when she was very famous…either way, she still looks good….unlike most 40 year olds…but the picture is blurry and I am drunk so that may be why…

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Posted in:Elisha Cuthbert

There was a time when my best viral stunt idea was to hold a candlelight vigil outside Elisha Cuthbert’s family house in memorial of her career….she’s from Montreal and there’s really only a handful of celebs from Montreal…so it seemed to be the easy access point to do a celebrity troll without any real travel involved…I figured I could find the family home relatively easily despite her living in LA being all famous and shit…but then the world forgot she existed or at least I forgot she existed but I’ll always remember that stunt that never was because I don’t believe in bringing anything to completion…especially a woman…sexually…I like them on edge.

Point being, she’s apparently still got some kind of career, at least she’s in a bra top looking like a middle aged with a wide midsection promoting some of her work that she once had…because this is part of a reunion for something called HAPPY ENDINGS that she was a part of, probably after my whole VIGIL idea got thwarted…and I guess at 40 she’s alright but looks 40….if you’re into that…

I figure you are because it’s probably got a pussy and that’s not even a prerequisite for you anymore, you’re progressive like that and this whole Queer thing has finally opened up your network of potential things to fuck, because dudes will fuck anything, even you. Where as girls are a whole bunch of work and who’s got time for that….right? The “turning queer was the easy choice with all this bitching out here, just as long as you can see past the balls”…and aren’t doing any of that missionary style anal sex, it’s too romantic….

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Posted in:Elisha Cuthbert

Elisha Cuthbert is a Montreal Hometown hero, who I guess is pushing 40 by now, and who left when she was 17, so I guess she can’t really be considered hometown anything…but she is chubby, and friends with Paris Hilton, and she has been on a bunch of shows…so I guess that’s something…

I remember the only time I was ever in the same place as her, she was pulling some LA cunt behavior, you know acting like she was fucking Hollywood God….where one of my friends went too close next to her and she had security or something pull him away…

If I had energy and if she was more relevant, I would probably want to stunt her family’s house…either doing a flash mob or something equally ridiculous, but that would require way too much effort for someone who is barely relevant…

Instead, I’ll just look at her cleavage…

Posted in:Elisha Cuthbert