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Archive for the Jesus Category




Jesus Does Playboy in Portugal of the Day

I figured these pictures were worth posting, not because my name is Jesus, but because I love seeing European countries being far more liberal and daring than America, the place marketed as “The Land of Opportunity” and the “Home of the Free”, when I just deal with nothing but oppression and religious groups dominating laws, media and pretty much everything that labels me a porn site, that prevents the iPAD from having porn apps, and a whole lot of other sexual shit, but at least you fuckers have guns to kill each other cuz you don’t cum enough….

So here is Jesus in Playboy in Portugal for the religious Christians who accidentally land on my site and draft hate mail about how I am going to hell to have another group to target….and for the people who broke free from a religious upbringing to masturbate to like the girl I knew who used to use her mom’s virgin Mary statue as a dildo…

Posted in:Jesus




Lindsay Lohan Calls For My Help of the Day

Rumor is that Lindsay and Samantha broke up. Lindsay seems to be taking these times of trouble pretty well, you know since she hasn’t killed herself. That’s always a good sign and Samantha has been off hanging with the Good Charlotte sisters because they make anyone feel better about themselves. Whenever I feel bad, I just google image search their suburban tattoos and it usually helps me pull the knife away from my wrist.

But that’s not the point, the point is the paparazzi are on Lohan’s dick, because she’s a superstar, and they want exclusives, and as she asks them to get off her property, she calls my name, in some kind of desperation. “jesus”….the words just roll off her tongue in some kind of beautiful angelic tone, like the sky has opened up and I have become the chosen one, and by beautiful angelic tone, I mean throaty and tobacco damaged…

When was the last time Lohan said your name in a paparazzi video, I’m thinking never. So don’t be jealous.

Sure Lohan has no idea I exist, but what’s that got to do with anything. Subconscious man…it’s some deeper shit than you’ll ever understand.

Fine she wasn’t saying my fucking name, she was using Jesus, our lord a savior’s name, you know the motherfucker who died for your sins and had a whore mother who lied to her husband about cheating on him, claiming this whole divine conception, or whatever other bullshit she spewed to save her marriage, and that’s okay, it’s Easter, she’s been all jewed out all these months, it’s time to remind her about her Christian roots.

But you gotta admit, if she did say my name in a paparazzi video, it’d be pretty cool.

Posted in:Jesus|Lindsay Lohan




Audrina Patridge Blesses Children Like She was Jesus of the Day

If you’re wondering why I haven’t posted yet, it’s because I got this email last night and it threw me off and forced me to keep drinking til 6 am or at least made a decent excuse for me to drink…..

I know you have a whole schtick about being drunk and fat and lazy…no doubt I believe your fat and lazy, but the whole gimmick about being drunk 24/7, I don’t buy it…I actually used to be a big fan of your site, but then every single post became “such and such in a bikini of the day”/ “such and such bikini pictures”….the shits not entertaining anymore, and I got sick of it. In fact that’s what every single celebrity blog post is now a day, bikini pictures….your site used to have shit that no one else had and I came to you first, but now it’s a last resort…see I actually am drunk, unlike you who I’m pretty sure just makes drunk jokes to seem like you don’t give a shit but in all reality do, and I started this email as a random whiny pissy rant to get you to check your spelling, because you suck horribly at it….if you have a blog that generates at least some of the respectful “fans” you used to have, at least spell check your shit and don’t insult our intelligence….if your being dead serious about why you have no traffic on the site, it’s because you’ve lost your talent, I wish you had it back, but seriously, I used to love your site, and now it’s just advertising for bullshit webcam girls/bikini pictures/teens on photobucket….don’t get me wrong, I love tits as much as the next guy, but dude, you stopped trying a while ago….hugs and kisses motherfucker

Now my public response to this is that I don’t pretend I am drunk all day, when I do the site I am usually not drinking but recovering from drinking and planning my next drink. I don’t claim to be an alcoholic or glamorize it, it is just one of the few things I do and like doing so I write about it.

I agree that bikini and celebrity pictures you can find anywhere are boring, I wish I had some exclusive content ideas and resources to go out there and expose shit, cover shit and produce good shit, but I don’t so I work with what I have and can afford and if that means ripping off other sites and forums, it’s what I am going to do.

I don’t check my spelling because I hate reading shit I already write, I am not an educated English professor and I am pretty much just winging it, if that’s not professional enough for you, that sucks, but I am not insulting your intelligence, but more showing you my lack of intelligence.

If I got lazy. the truth is I work on the site more now than I ever have……

If I lost whatever talent you think I had, then I guess that’s a good thing because it means that at one point I was a talent, something I never believed I was in anyway.

I have pretty much no advertisers, I link to a couple cam sites to pay for the server and I don’t think I ever did try.

I appreciate the feedback, but next time I hope it isn’t sent by someone who’s emails is “NewFoundGlory” because anyone who liked that pop punk suburban cover band enough to name their email after it, it really someone I can’t take seriously, so I’ll just keep doing what I do, while you sing along to the suburban punk versions of whatever shitty songs they sing while driving your car feeling at one with the music.

It’s okay to hate, I learnt a long time ago that you can’t make everyone happy and have made an effort to make as many people as possible unhappy, so maybe this is just a sign of my success. It’s also okay to get bored of this site because God knows the 90 percent of the time I am, but then again I have a limited attention span.

Either way, here’s some pictures of Audrina because she has no talent also and I feel like that is our bond, it looks like she is too stupid to realize that she’s useless as she blesses what looks like her slut sister’s offspring, like she was the real Jesus or some shit and I guess that’s what makes ignorance bliss. More to come…..

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Jesus