I realize my life hit an all time low when I forced myself to post these pictures of Mischa rockin’ a Jewish Outfit of the Day and trying to make it something it’s not.

She is in a pair of leggings and bending over and exposing her ugly ass, in a pair of leggings while walking her dog and hanging with my Mexican brother, who I can only assume is there to pick up her dog’s shit when it’s done, because she’s a racist…

Either way, this is a major fucking stretch for a celebrity upskirt, because her skirt really isn’t a really shirt and she’s got pants on. Her ass isn’t a real ass because it’s long and flat and has a dick.

Point of all this is to say that whenever I see a girl with her dog, I think about how lucky that dog is. Even if the girl who the dog belongs to is ugly. The reason the dog is lucky is that everyday he gets to see her box, he gets to see her change tampons and take a shit, he gets to see her fuck random men and masturbate using vegetables or whatever else bitch does that she probably doesn’t want anyone knowing about.

I remember my past life, when I was a dog, and I shat all over the place just to see my master get on all fours and clean it up. Sometimes I confuse bad trips with flashbacks from my past life as a dog and it’s likely that I was actually the one taking a shit all over the place and watching my wife clean it up, but who’s really even reading this to formulate any sort of opinion.

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Nothing screams eating disorder more than when a bitch walks out of a grocery story with nothing but 2 diet cokes. I think it’s safe the say that fat Ashlee has been working on her physique and what better way to do that than to not eat. I’ve heard of lots of anorexic bitches who eat nothing but diet coke and lettuce to get by and they get fucking skinny. Diet coke has no calories. I think it’s safe to say that fat Ashlee is taking those diet tips from skinny girls. I guess she watches Dr. Phil too.

I on the other hand, wish that I could develop an eating disorder. After yesterday’s chicken wing and donut outbreak washed down with beer after beer after beer, I probably gained a solid 30 pounds. I am having trouble walking from my couch to the kitchen to get more donuts even though I know on the inside that emotionally eating myself to death is the only thing that brings comfort to my life right now. Unfortunately, my wife’s got the same problem and that’s why I had to slide 3 bricks under our bed to support her weight. Nothing a little Diet Coke and Lettuce won’t fix, just look at the younger, less molested Simpson sister.

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Here’s a little Brazilian bikini action because it’s cold where I am and I wanted to heat up the room a little with some hot pics of some hot brazilian model in some hot bikini that was probably taken somewhere hot.

Point of this post is to say I hate when people say “Let’s heat things up in here”, usually those people are strip club DJs and strip club DJs are pretty much the equivalent of dudes who sit at home all day jerking off to Internet porn, that means you. They all sound the fucking same. It’s like they go to strip club dj academy and learn the inner workings of pressing play on a CD player and introducing some bitch named Lemon Drop, like some secret society or school that only privileged greasy motherfuckers get to go when they turn 18, pierce their ear, gel their hair and unbutton their stupid shiny shirt…

Enough with my negativity, next on stage Lemon Drop with some hot Brazilian Bikini model action to heat up this winter day. Lemon Drop is available for lap dances for $10 a song, now go fuck yourself.

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I have never heard of the movie Venus. I never want to see the movie Venus. I have no idea who this bitch is. I have no interest in knowing who this bitch is. I’ve already seen her naked and my rule about women I am not married to is that once I’ve seen them naked, I am done with them. In theory the whole reason I talk to them is because I want to get them naked, so if the naked is already on the table day one, I can’t imagine a lasting friendship to ever happen. I guess with this no name actress who you can all IMDB because I am too fucking bored to, is that sometimes when drunk at 6 am after waking up in the gutter, I come home to my celebrity picture collection and have conversations with them like they were my very own Real Dolls. The reality is that they are better conversationalists than my fat wife even though they don’t talk back to me. I think it’s because my wife’s stink distracts me from everything she’s saying. Point being that in a lot of ways, I am already friends with this girl in my own way. If that didn’t make sense to you, it’s fine, you’re an idiot and I’m on a whole other level than you. Maybe one day you’ll make it here but until then, here are some shitty screencaps of some shitty whore, who doesn’t want to be my friend but still gives me all I need from her in picture. Asshole.

I gave in and checked out her name because I was curious, not because I am doing you any favors…and it’s Jodie Whittaker…

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I don’t understand the football draw. It’s the gayest fucking sport since Greco Roman wrestling, but only because the dudes are wearing more clothes and padding. I was going to live blog the Superbowl because I am a crazy blogger like that but didn’t get around to it, because the Superbowl is boring as shit, and even if me not knowing anything about football could have been funny, I don’t have TV and wasn’t about to sit at a bar with my computer. Instead I ended up at some local shitty bar that was playing the game and drank myself under the table. It’s 5:40 where I am, and I just woke up on the floor by the entrance to my apartment building, in the show. I don’t remember much from last night, but I do remember eating enough chicken wings to give me an ulcer…which isn’t saying much because I already have an ulcer, but you get what I am saying.

I don’t get what I am saying and that doesn’t really matter. I just know that I am going to bore you with my own kind of Superbowl Game. One that involves no football, or spandex pants. No male on male ass slapping, that you love and no shitty overpaid people winning red cars. There are no “Superbowl Commercials” that are going to be picked up and played over and over on the internet, giving people who don’t deserve the attention they’ve already got even more attention. In my Superbowl, it’s just a couple pics of a fat slut’s big titties busting out of her shirt and girl on girl making out that a reader sent in, because let’s face it, tits and girl on girl action is what football fans really need after getting hard for men for 4 hours yesterday….

This is my first installment of boring Monday Post to start your Boring Work Week of the Day. Maybe my next post will be better. Cuddles.

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So here are some pics of Britney at the Baby Phat show, kinda appropriate considering she’s got a gunt the size of a baby because this bitch is still r her own baby fat, cuz she couldn’t put her uterus on vacation between babies, or get an abortion like a normal girl.

The joke in all this was Britney Brings her Baby Fat to the Baby Phat show….it was a typical blogger obvious joke that only idiots will laugh at. That’s why you didn’t laugh, cuz no reader of mine is an idiot!

On a side note, I have been drinking beer since 4 and I am wasted. I guess the real funny in this post is that Britney is squeezing into a size extra small, which makes me question American Sizing. Either she’s an extra small in Maternity Wear or an extra small in fat chick clothes or extra small isn’t what it used to be anymore as more and more americans get fatter and fatter…..

Bonus That Isn’t Really A Bonus – Lil’ Kim’s Tits at the Same Show…

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I was watching a show on streetwhores at a friends house an the slag had the nerve to ask for 100 dollars for everything….I am guessing she means for 100 dollars she will fuck. I thought that was a little expensive, she was a street whore and street whores should be suckin’ dick for $5, that’s just the way it should be. Maybe she was upping the price cuz she was on TV. One of the John’s who hired her paid her to eat her out, now I don’t know how good of an idea that is, because she is a street whore and maybe they should be just for suckin condom protected dick. When they interviewed her she said that if you are a stay at home wife, fucking your husband, you still a ho, cuz he’s paying for your room and board for sex…..then they showed one of them in action and her cel rang. She said I am suckin’ dick right now, i’ll have to call you back…and I laughed cuz if I was a paying customer, I’d want her undivided attention. But dude landed a discount, got her for $50 and did her over the hood of the car. The condom broke and he came inside her, and she freaked out and he said “clean that off, is the cum dripping out? i like your cowboy hat”. I guess the point of all this is to say that you don’t decide to have a beard, you decide to not have a beard.

I do the stepLinks because I choose to do the links….The problem with doing the stepLINKS is that I go through a ton of sites everyday and a lot of them just post the same tired old content, and I post it all here for you to check out… Enjoy.

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Post pregnancy pictures are really fucking amazing. I remember asking a dirty piece of shit hipster who had a kid for before and after pictures of her box, then her bi-sexual boyfriend tried to cause shit with me. I remember when I was in a serious relationship before this whole marrying a fat chick phase of my life and she got pregnant. It was the closest time I came to being a father. We had some pretty important life talks about whether to keep the baby or not, then when we decided to keep the baby, we both decided to clean up our acts and stop the drinking and drugs. I got a job and found us a great new place to live. We decorated the nursery and decided we were going to finally be normal. I remember thinking how badly I wanted her to get a C-section to keep the goods in-tact, but she ended up getting in a car accident, losing the baby and leaving me for the lawyer that represented her case….That’s when a shattered me turned to drugs….Kinda like Denise Richards in these pics.

I don’t even thing she’s doing bumps and if she is, good for her, when I was an addict I couldn’t afford blow and would have died to have a lifestyle that allowed me to rip lines in paradise with the one I love. I guess all there is to say about these pics is that this bitch has made it.

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I got this email for someone who I assume reads this site. I am going to call him reader 12, because I think he’s emailed me before. We’re up to about 16 now but that’s not the point….

HEY JESUS,

LOOK @ THIS HOMO TO THE LEFT OF MRS HURLEY….LAST TIME I LOOKED, I THOUGHT WOMEN WERE THE ONLY ONES WHO GOT TRAMP STAMPS ON THEIR LOWER BACKS!

I am not really an authority on this shit, but I can assume that anyone who works at a model is a little ‘MO. I don’t really care whether a dude has a tattoo on his lower back or not and I probably wouldn’t have even noticed it if it wasn’t sent in to me. I am not about rip into someone about what gender they fuck, just as long as they give facials. I figure that at least they are getting laid, unlike you, virgin or me, impotent.

I will say that the gay I don’t like is DJ AM Gay, where a talentless fat dude becomes a celebrity DJ because he was in a shitty band that sang about butterflies. That’s gayer than male “tramp stamps” and by probably the only thing Gayer than Bicycle Shorts….

Here’s a weak 40 year old semi-nip slip from Liz Hurley’s slutty shirt.

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I got this email for someone who I assume reads this site. I am going to call him reader 12, because I think he’s emailed me before. We’re up to about 16 now but that’s not the point….

HEY JESUS,

LOOK @ THIS HOMO TO THE LEFT OF MRS HURLEY….LAST TIME I LOOKED, I THOUGHT WOMEN WERE THE ONLY ONES WHO GOT TRAMP STAMPS ON THEIR LOWER BACKS!

I am not really an authority on this shit, but I can assume that anyone who works at a model is a little ‘MO. I don’t really care whether a dude has a tattoo on his lower back or not and I probably wouldn’t have even noticed it if it wasn’t sent in to me. I am not about rip into someone about what gender they fuck, just as long as they give facials. I figure that at least they are getting laid, unlike you, virgin or me, impotent.

I will say that the gay I don’t like is DJ AM Gay, where a talentless fat dude becomes a celebrity DJ because he was in a shitty band that sang about butterflies. That’s gayer than male “tramp stamps” and by probably the only thing Gayer than Bicycle Shorts….

Here’s a weak 40 year old semi-nip slip from Liz Hurley’s slutty shirt.

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