I like to give girls bad relationship advice, because apparently, I am that shoulder to cry on for people everywhere, so I like to give the I think when things are done they are done – but don’t listen to me – I may just want to get in your pants…level of doubt… “Is he […]

I like to tell girls that I am into talking filthy, like absolutely filthy, softly into a girls ear, until she can’t take it and grabs my hand and slides it over her pussy…so that i feel her dripping wet…and I start rubbing..as she rocks her hips against me…continuing to talk filthy as she soaks […]

I told a girl “I bet you have a cute asshole”…and she went fucking nuts, and not in a good way. So I asked “would you rather I say I bet you have a shitty, disgusting, meaty asshole”… To which she said “talking about someone’s asshole is weird, especailly when they are your fucking waitress”… […]

The highlight of my weekend was talking to an overly PC girl, which is every girl, about how my friend was almost raped by a dog….When I hit the the word rape…she fully shut down and couldn’t fucking process anything beyond it…it was like “system meltdown” and she couldn’t figure out if the word rape […]

Today is a lot of people’s last day of work….they have the week off before Christmas…. My last day of work was around this time back in 2005. Dreams do come true…if your dream is to be unemployed, broke, dependant on your wife to pay the rent with her disability check, while spending at least […]

I like crossing the friend card limitations by sending female friends of mine videos of me jerking off to them, you know penis rubbing against my computer screen on their facebook profile…to really add strain to our relationship they think is platonic to let them know…I am a dude and if I had to I […]

Someone asked me why Santa doesn’t have kids…I had to explain that Santa is a pedophile…who loves kids…so much he breaks into their houses and gifts them so that they don’t tell their moms and dads…unless they are naughty…then he punishes them…like a masochist pedophile…I mean he is a man with army of kid-like fantasy […]

THANKSGIVING! I’m thankful it’s not thanksgiving in Canada because giving thanks to some virtual imaginary entity is almost as dumb as listening to everyone else giving thanks to some imaginary entity. You can eat turkey any day of the week, with or without family and friends. It’s not that big of a deal. Freaks. THANKSGIVING!! […]

Hey girls… Next time you’re naked – stare at your vagina long enough for it to feel awkward… Do it for me… Because I love vagina…and that’s what I’d be doing if we were together… But I guess we haven’t matched on Tinder…so there’s no hope for us.. Even though I’m a romantic and think […]

Today…a homeless person asked me if he could move in with me…and at first I as thrown off and though how disgusting that would smell…despite living with a morbidly obese woman…who already fucking smells like shit…and then I thought about how a drug addicted crazy person would probably be really annoying to hang out with […]