I was on a walk last night, not to get healthy, but to get some cocaine from a friend….and I saw this really hot girl walk into a house…on my walk back I looked at the house she walked into and saw that the window on the ground floor was open…and I thought…”she’s lucky I’m […]

You haven’t been robbed of your life, I mean other than by yourself, because that’s how it works when you’re an apathetic loser with no real interest in living a great life…so I’m hear to coach you with my even MORE pathetic, apathetic, pathetic existence on ways to make things better. From not caring, to […]

Is it me – or do you think the full moon and passover have anything to do with the death of Prince…#illuminati…the Jewish Sacrifice… Is it me – or are Prince’s fans as pretentious as Prince was…talking about his gender fluidity, and artistry, when he was a commodity and all that bullshit… Is it me […]

Earlier today I feel in love with a few hot round college asses in leggings….apparently, I wasn’t the only one following this one girl as she walked, like a cartoon, she was accumulating more and more dudes as she kept walking…I couldn’t keep up, because walking is hard when you’re dying of obesity…so I broke […]

I wasn’t at Coachella for the weekend, because I am not an asshole…but I did have the most amazing model do a Sunday morning takeover on my snapchat “drunkstepfather” and it was brilliant…Phoebe Price (yes that Pheobe Price) craziness and my favorite Irish dream ROSALIND LIPSETT I was at a dive bar with a group […]

I see the good in everything. Once I was about to stick my dick, unprotected, inside some disgusting girl, because I am self destructive, have no self respect and when you get that rare erection, you use it…only to realize there was some kind of mucus oozing out… I almost lost my boner, but I […]

Nothing says “let’s celebrate the resurrection of your son of god” like a good old fashioned smoked ham, some carrot cake, and a day of hiding colorful eggs around the house, to brianwash children with sugar into believing the lie…it’s actually not based on early Christianity, but more on the tactic used by priests to […]

People are so uptight and I love making them feel uncomfortable…to asking a girl working a coffee shop what her favorite ethnicity of coffee is, to which she said “ethiopian”…but realized she may be misunderstood and she may be seen as a racist and she froze, freaked out and got awkward…so I told her I […]