I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2006

16

Jun

I am – Victoria Beckham’s Legs

Some fucking hippie who is drinking coffee at Starbucks just started ruckus. He was yelling at some 300 pound dude for opening the window because he felt that Air Conditioning the outside was unacceptable by his hippie standards. He felt like taking these environmental issues into his own hands like he was back in the 60’s protesting the war, only problem is that he was born in 1985. So there’s motherfucker freaking out about how bad having a window open in the summer is, all while drinking his non-fat latte rockin’ his high-end salon made dreads…. I have neglected the site the last couple days. I blame you.

Here’s some pics of Victoria Beckham’s hot thin legs.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

16

Jun

I am – Victoria Beckham's Legs

Some fucking hippie who is drinking coffee at Starbucks just started ruckus. He was yelling at some 300 pound dude for opening the window because he felt that Air Conditioning the outside was unacceptable by his hippie standards. He felt like taking these environmental issues into his own hands like he was back in the 60’s protesting the war, only problem is that he was born in 1985. So there’s motherfucker freaking out about how bad having a window open in the summer is, all while drinking his non-fat latte rockin’ his high-end salon made dreads…. I have neglected the site the last couple days. I blame you.

Here’s some pics of Victoria Beckham’s hot thin legs.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

15

Jun

I am – DJ AM is a Pussy Whipped Bitch of the Day

There is nothing more pathetic than watching some used-to-be fat guy clutch onto the first girl who showed him the time of day and helped him avoid being a washed up DJ from Crazytown by getting him booked at her dad’s celebrity friends’ birthday parties. He now gets 20,000 dollars a gig.

It is a lot more pathetic when the girl he is clutching onto is Nicole Richie, an ex-needle sharing heroin addict who fucked half of her dealers and any other guy with a penis, because let’s face it, penis made her feel some self-worth.

Bitch will never respect a motherfucker who thinks she’s a fucking goddess and who runs after her like her pussy is made of chocolate, because she hates herself and only wants to land guys who hate her too.

She’s the kind of girl who you give a fake name to and bang with 2 rubbers at her house (so she doesn’t find out where you live).

This is all speculation of course, as I have no insiders, cuz you’re all a bunch of unemployed virgins. Thanks for reading. Cunts.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

14

Jun

I am – StepCOURT of the Day

I have to spend the afternoon in court, so I won’t be back until later on tonight. So if you’re reading this, come back later, I may have some new stuff up….I never said that it would be good new stuff…just that it would be new.

Paris Hilton tried to start shit with my girl LOHAN again. So if anyone reading this knows Paris, be sure to cunt-punch the slut. I am not sure if she’s got any feeling left in her mound, you know after all the burn wounds, but at least she’ll know we’re trying to get her in her money maker (cuz she’s a slut).

That’s the story I heard.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

14

Jun

I am – Drunken StepLINKS of the Day

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I hate the way this link dump looks. There’s got to be a better way to do this. Check out the links and send in some links if you got any,click the envelope at the top of the page, it’s just that complicated.

Here are the StepLINKS:

Agent Provocateur Has Lingerie You can Masturbate to – GO –

Howard Stern on Letterman in 1988 – GO –

Toni Braxton Flashing More Panty – GO –

Nerds Make Me Laugh (You’d Probably Like Banging Some Of These) – GO-

Melissa Midwest Shows Her Box Video – GO –

Star Catcher is Funny, They Stand Outside Clubs With A Camera – GO –

If you Haven’t Seen Tera Patrick’s Box, They are Here – GO –

Sarah Connor’s Cameltoe (I love Toe) – GO –

Teen Lesbian Birthday Parties are Hotter than any party I’ve ever had – GO –

Attu Likes Jenna Jameson Enough to Post a Picture Set of her Naked – GO –

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A Bunch of Christina Aguilera Pics For you To Love – GO –

So You Think You Can Do a Backflip (idiot) – GO –

You getting laid used to pay for my server, now you don’t get laid – GO –

My MySpace For You to Add Me – GO –

Charlie Laine rides the Sybian – GO –

To See Charlie Laine’s Porn Via AskJolene – GO –

Party Girls Bore the Fuck Out of Me, You probably Love ‘Em – GO –

Tattoo of the Day – GO –

Street Art of the Day – Mark Jenkin’s In DC – GO –

Last Night Party at some Canada Event – Steve Has Banged All of These Girls – GO –

I want these fuckers to advertise on my site and The Descendents used to be My Fav Band – GO – (CLICK LIKE CRAZY)

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Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

13

Jun

I am – Lohan Stalker Post of the Day

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A little cocaine never hurt anyone, errr wait…..I know a few people who died cuz of it, but that’s not the point. The point is that whether she’s ripping lines or not I am still gonna be stalking her. I also think people need to stop calling her Blohan because it’s about as funny as anything else Trerez Pink Hilton have come up with, which is not very…funny…I fucked that one up.

I am officially the first result for “Lohan Stalker” on Google, and that means I am one step closer to prison/restraining orders/etc.

I just remembered a funny story I was saving for my first appearance on Letterman about how I got my first restraining order in grade 6 for calling the girl I had a crush on a cunt, repeatedly. I also spat sunflower seeds on her. The school wanted to kick me out, but my Baptist parents ran some kind of line about how I was a troubled soul that needed to feel accepted to better fit into society or some shit. So they let me stay, but I had to stay 25 feet from her at all times. So Monday morning, my desk was moved to other side of the classroom.

Looking back on that story, I realize, I was made for this shit.

I decided to email the founding partners of Endeavor LA, Lohan’s Agency. So here’s what I had to say to them:

Dear Founders of Endeavor LA,

Lindsay Lohan and I are separated at the soul. I have recently discovered that your company represents her and figured you may be the best people to contact in regards to getting her back into my arms. The problems is simple, she doesn’t know I exist.

Now, I know you are BUSY people, so I am going to keep this short and to the point.

How much would it cost to book Lohan to host an event I will be organizing in Montreal Canada?

This said event will take place at the local Subway Restaurant, where we will share a 6 inch sandwich, because I figure I will be on a budget after hiring Lohan for the evening and that she doesn’t eat all that much. We will then take public transportation to a motel that charges by the hour for a soak in the heart shaped Jacuzzi.

I always knew that my first night with Lohan would be magical, but never as magical as what I just outlined, and I guess the exciting thing is that she can’t say no as it will be a paying job.

I am not implying that Lohan is a common whore, as she is the woman for me. I would never call my woman a whore, unless she was actually a whore, working to make money for baby formula (which would never really be an issue as I am impotent, unless it was someone else’s baby…)

I am so excited by this recent development in my relationship with Lohan, it’s like I can taste her already. You will see it is worth your effort, because I complete Lohan and will put an end to her wild ways (except for in the bedroom, if you know what I mean. WINK WINK)

I eagerly await your response. If it would be best for me to make the arrangements directly with Lohan, feel free to send her contact info my way.

Forever grateful,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Bonus – A couple Close Upskirts from the Other Day

Another Bonus: Lohan with Some Kind of Trerez Lookin’ Motherfucker….

Another Bonus: Lohan at Barney’s


Previously on Stepfather

Lohan Stalker Post 12
Lohan Stalker Post 11
Lohan Stalker Post 10
Lohan Stalker Post 9
Lohan Stalker Post 8
Lohan Stalker Post 7
Lohan Stalker Post 6
Lohan Stalker Post 5
Lohan Stalker Post 4
Lohan Stalker Post 3
Lohan Stalker Post 2
Lohan Stalker Post 1

Posted in:stepSTALKER|Unsorted

2006

13

Jun

I am – Jenna Jameson’s Tits of the Day

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I am sitting at the coffee shop after realizing that i couldn’t get any fucking work done with my whore of a wife always chewing her fucking Rice cakes seasoned like chips. She is trying to watch her weight, probably cuz I constantly tell her she’s too fat to fuck. She doesn’t realize that it defeats the purpose when you eat 4 bags of them in one sitting, but she’s french, it’s not so easy to explain this to her.

I am next to 5 baby mommas, who have some kind of “We all went to highschool, college, university together” relationship…you know the whole “We’re 27, let’s all get married to our long term boyfriends making sure our wedding is way better than sally’s last month” kinda of thing…the “Sally’s pregnancy at 30 and we can’t let her upstage us so we should get pregnant too, that way we’ll all be on maternity leave together and our babies can grow up being the best of friends and we will compare them our entire lives. You know from the first time they walk, speak, dance, go to school, right up until they establish their careers get married and have their own kids to compare and we will never get a break from each other until one of us dies in a horrible car accident, or runs off with some spanish tennis pro leaving the babies and the husband behind after realizing that this life choice was the wrong one”.

They are also all talking and laughing about their babies and how great they are and one of the sluts, yes SLUTS, she did get knocked up after all, is breast feeding. I can’t see nipple – but trust me I am trying…..

Speaking of breasts and sluts, here’s some pics of Jenna at some event recently. Her tits are nothing to get all that impressed by, if you want a set of your own, all you need is 5,000 dollars….being envious of her tits is like being envious of some 16 year old’s 1999 Jetta (I think they sell for around 5,000 dollars).




Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

13

Jun

I am – Jenna Jameson's Tits of the Day

jennatitstop.jpg

I am sitting at the coffee shop after realizing that i couldn’t get any fucking work done with my whore of a wife always chewing her fucking Rice cakes seasoned like chips. She is trying to watch her weight, probably cuz I constantly tell her she’s too fat to fuck. She doesn’t realize that it defeats the purpose when you eat 4 bags of them in one sitting, but she’s french, it’s not so easy to explain this to her.

I am next to 5 baby mommas, who have some kind of “We all went to highschool, college, university together” relationship…you know the whole “We’re 27, let’s all get married to our long term boyfriends making sure our wedding is way better than sally’s last month” kinda of thing…the “Sally’s pregnancy at 30 and we can’t let her upstage us so we should get pregnant too, that way we’ll all be on maternity leave together and our babies can grow up being the best of friends and we will compare them our entire lives. You know from the first time they walk, speak, dance, go to school, right up until they establish their careers get married and have their own kids to compare and we will never get a break from each other until one of us dies in a horrible car accident, or runs off with some spanish tennis pro leaving the babies and the husband behind after realizing that this life choice was the wrong one”.

They are also all talking and laughing about their babies and how great they are and one of the sluts, yes SLUTS, she did get knocked up after all, is breast feeding. I can’t see nipple – but trust me I am trying…..

Speaking of breasts and sluts, here’s some pics of Jenna at some event recently. Her tits are nothing to get all that impressed by, if you want a set of your own, all you need is 5,000 dollars….being envious of her tits is like being envious of some 16 year old’s 1999 Jetta (I think they sell for around 5,000 dollars).




Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

13

Jun

I am – stepREJECTION: Much Music Video Awards

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Last month, I was told about the Much Music Video Awards and in trying to give DrunkenStepSteve something useful to do in his hometown of TORONTO, where this useless event is taking place, I tried to get him Media Access. Upon further investigation I found that they were DESPERATE for decent bands/presenters/hosts/etc, because the world realizes they are a piece of shit operation. Not to mention the fact that MTV opened up shop in CANADA and has exclusives on a lot of bands because let’s face it, MUCH MUSIC is the piece of bloody shit MTV had after a night of to drinking that just won’t flush down the toilet. I hate shit analogies, but point is without MTV there woulda never been MUCH, a cheap useless Canadian copy site.

When I found out that PEREZ HILTON, my favorite Celebrity Blogger Gay to laugh at, was Hosting. I decided to email them again to remind them about my media request.

This is what they had to say to me:

Hi Jesus,

Thank you for your interest in The 2006 MuchMusic Video Awards.

Regrettably, due to the high volume of media requests and space restrictions we will not be able to accredit you for this event.

We will contact you by June 16th @ 5pm ET if there’s an opportunity for you to attend.

So I decided to write them a response.

Dear Stephanie,

I am shocked that an organization such as Much Music and CHUMTV would be guilty of RACISM.

I run a celebrity blog like PEREZ HILTON’s, only I am actually funny, but that’s not the point. The point is that I am a MEXICAN CANADIAN (By Marriage), and your organization can’t even get me PRESS PASSES, while you get PEREZ airfare, hotel and a slot presenting an award at your event in some kind of Pink Suit.

I am not really shocked that Much Music a white-bread, middle of the road, Canadian piece of shit network would do something like this. You BOOK the gay white guy from LA to present your third rate production award show, and you can’t even give a MEXICAN CANADIAN a fucking MEDIA PASS.

Are you guys scared the other WHITE PEOPLE in attendance will get nervous when they see a Mexican in the room.

Point of the fucking story is that I was not even going to attend the event, I was going to be sending a 22 year old white kid to cover it. Now, it’s clear that your event doesn’t deserve any more attention from me.

I know it’s not your fault Stephanie, you are just the intern they hire to send out the rejection letters. I blame that RACIST CUNT boss of yours, Gabrielle and I have Cced her on this email, because I feel she should know that I am onto her horrible management skills and poor decision making skills.

I have also Bced the CEO of CHUM Limited, Jay Switzer in regards to the way this sitution was handled.

Let’s hope the right people get FIRED for this (Gabrielle)

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com

I will admit I was a little angry, and when angry I automatically blame racism, I shouldn’t have called the PR person a CUNT. That was wrong of me. Now here are some pics of J.Lo and Mark Anthony at the Peurto Rican Day Parade a little Latin Pride on a day my Latin roots got me left out of the party, again….





Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

13

Jun

I am – stepINTERVIEW: Pornstar Donny Long

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Today was a bad day, one where I was tired, unmotivated and questioned why I do what I do on this site. I make no money, everyone thinks I am lame and not very funny, girls aren’t knocking down my door to suck me off and Lohan isn’t my wife yet. I keep on trucking, 1.5 years later so I took time off to go to Starbucks and watch my favorite Bum do his dance. I sat on the patio with gay black men, Jewish Heiresses, Medical Students and some other guy who’s just always around and gave girls walking by different ratings on how hot they were. I REMEMBERED that I do this because it’s what I am supposed to do. Like a porn star is blessed with a big dick – I am blessed with whatever the fuck you call this motherfucker.

Speaking of big dick’s, here’s an interview I did with Donny Long, some porn star I never heard of. I sent him the questions a month ago, but he didn’t dig the questions, but I somehow won him over today when I wrote him this….

it took me time to write you that interview
the least you could do is answer the motherfucker
you are pretty fucking lazy for someone who wants to get more visibility.
my site is big
now make it fucking happen motherfucker.

with love
jesus martinez
drunkenstepfather.com

So a few hours later this is what I got from him….We are NOW big fans of Donny – so visit his site…and help make him famous…

Here we go:

How long are you and by you I mean your penis?
depends on the girl and how hard she makes me!!!!

Is your penis the reason you got into porn or was it nepotism?
both

I should ask about the girls you bang, otherwise my readers will think I am homo, speaking of homo, how many gay porns did you do to get into straight porn?
no gay porn never have, never will god made adam and eve not adam and steve

So does porn pussy stink or is that just the gutter slophole bitches who used to get drunk enough to let me go down on them?
no stink in porn girls they clean out before every scence

I saw you were in some squirting videos, is female ejaculation real or was the bitch just pissing all over the motherfucking place?
depends on the girl some girls piss some cum

My friend says it feels like someone is pinching the head of his dick, does that mean he has an STD?
maybe, i wouldnt know i never had one

Does being in porn help you land everyday pussy in clubs, you know like the hot college freshman bitches who you see on girls gone wild and if so do you rock a condom with them because I am pretty convinced they all have herpes.
i really dont have time to fuck outside of work i fuck twice a day everyday for work and as far as bitchs outside the biz i dont touch them because there not tested every month

Grover wants to know what hole is your favorite (mouth, ass, vagina)?
vagina of corse

When you do the gangbang scenes, do you find yourself lookin at the other guy’s cock?
dont do gang bangs

Do girls ever call you Donny Average when you’re done with them?
no nothing average there buddy

This is a link to his Gallery Page (NSFW)
This is a link to a Pic of him Not Having a Gang Bang (that was sarcasm)(NSFW)
This is a link to His Bio (I didn’t read it…that’s the kind of research I do for this gig)

Posted in:stepEXCLUSIVE|stepINTERVIEW