So the hottest thing to ever hit the internet is the ability to find like-minded people, people with similar interests, people who make you feel less alone. One of those communities is the Fleshlight Discussion Board and I love how these people have the need to share their stories about rocking the fleshlight, I think it’s something that should be kept underwraps, because it is something to be ashamed of. Think about it as rock bottom…the more you use this, the less hope you have in fucking an actual girl. Especially when you can only last 7 minutes! This is a post of some dude’s first time:

I just got my fleshlight today, I got the Ice lady, stww, I must say it was awesome, I’m about 6 inches and have a porportionate width, but I must say that when I was inside the Ice Lady, (lol, good nickname for my fleshlight!), The insert magnafied my size, something fierce, made it look like I was about 8 inches and twice as wide, talk about a confidence builder! lol! I only lasted about 7 minutes, but I was trying to get a feel for it, you know adjusting between suction and no suction, fast or slow, even tried twisting it around on my cock, and that is when it happened, I lost it, before I could stop myself, I spit all over the inside, And the Ice Lady took all of it! I’ll Probably try again here in a few minutes, but I just washed her out and powdered her! Oh well, all in a days work!!!! LOL!

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I am not allowed to go into all the details as to why I was away, and no one really needs to worry about that shit, because I am back, for now. I had a lot of downtime that I used to question my life, and think that my new outlook will do us all some good. I am tired of going against the grain trying to take down everyone and everything around me. This self-destructive behavior may be funny for you to watch, but I can’t really live with myself for being such a negative form of entertainment provider. I have decided that it is time for constructive contribution in society and that is why I am adopting an Guatemala toddler.I am going to give her a home, nurture her and give her everything I never had. I will feed her McDonald’s, and when she is ripen, like a freshly picked guava, I am going to make her wear bootyshorts around the house and shower in front of me…it’s a small price for her to pay to have a normal family….

This is a picture of beautiful Maria, and if you feel the need to jump on the Guatemala adoption train….

Go here Here

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this is m,inxy winxy pudding and pie, jesus’s favorite sex worker and addict. i just visited the prison where they are holding my lover hostage and i am devastated. not only is he forced to wear a hideous range jumpsuit that does not at all go with his sombrero, but they also made him shave off his handlebar moustache. i cried and i cried when we tried to fuck through the glass in the talking area of the building. there is a little hole in the glass where you are supposed to exchange gifts, or hold hands, and jesus, bless his heart, tried to shove his rather cumbersomely large penis through and fucking me with my legs up, almost hitting one of the guards in the face, and my cooter aimed straight at my love, jesus. well it didnt work, and i was so depressed i didnt even enjoy getting patted down as i left the facility, or the meaty fingers that made their way into my clitoral area when i lifted my skirt to prove i wasnt hiding anything but my love for jesus, my love and red lace booty shorts.
FREE JESUS!

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Hello this is Jessus’ lawyer Brad Goldstein. I just left the prison and it looks like it will take a few more days at least untill i can get him out on bail. Throwing a butt plug with a horse hair attachment at the judge was not the best idea it turns out.

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I got arrested this past weekend. It’s been a fun experience. I will be back with more later tonight, I am in and out of meetings with my parole officer, my lawyer and even with a government provided family therapist. Check for an update later tonight. I love all of you and wish you were here.

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Mental health is a big problem these days, people who feel a little down don’t suck it up and drink their problems away like they should. They run to their doctors and cry like pussies, only to be given meds that are intended to make life better. Reality is that the shit just numbs you, you lose your edge and lived doped up, only to become dependent and happy. With all good things, there are serious consequences, and for that we laugh at your misfotune. This fleshlight board member has some problems and I think they are fucking funny…..

my antidepressant is too strong that I can’t cum with FL. I tried for 2hrs with no result. Does anyone got better ideas?

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Sweet cocaine has never done many people good. I have never heard success stories where people who turned to an addiction came out on top. It is a downward spiral. Lives fall apart, it ruins families and occassionally kills people. That’s right, it is a hell of a drug. It’s nice to see that Lindsay the coke fiend is still on it, it would be such a waste for her to have started a couple a years ago only to give up. She has lots of money, and with money comes the ability to postpone hitting rock bottom. Now in 5 years Lohan will age 10 years, in 10 years Lohan will either be dead or a stripper…and I like to laugh at other people’s misfortune. Here she is shopping, lookin’ jacked and battered by her habbit.

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Do you ever get in situations where you bring a nice girl home and you just can’t get it up? I didn’t think so, you haven’t had that much sex in your life, and the opportunity to stick it in something warm and soft always keeps you ready. Unfortunately you never really get the chance because no girl in her right mind will bother with you. I have been in situations, almost weekly where my fat wife tries to get me to stick it to her. My small penis makes this hard, because her big ass acts as an unpenetrable wall, so I do what every forward thinking man does, I hook her up with one of these machines, the first time bitch sits on the thing, it collapses, I lose $1000 that I don’t have and I am back to square one, with bitch trying to rock my cock…..this is Sex Machine of the day.

The Joy Rider fucking machine
Grab onto the silver handle and fuck yourself to orgasm! The Joy Rider has an articulated seat specially designed to make it easy, fun and safe for people to experience penetrative sexual pleasure. The Joy Rider is smooth, stable so you can concentrate on the pleasure you deserve. The machine relies entirely on your body movement to do all of its thrusting. There are no motors to plug in or breakdown, and no noise. More importantly, because Joy Rider responds only to your movement, you have complete control so it’s like a lover that can read your mind. How it works?

The Joy Rider has a seat which rocks in response to your movement. As the seat assembly moves forward or back in relation to the base, the thrust control arms move the pivoting thrust arm assembly upward or downward in relation to the seat. Joy Rider comes with a removable vac-u-lock plug which can be used to attach any vac-u-lock dildo to the thrust arm. Our 8″ vac-u-lock dong is included. We also offer 2 other vac-u-lock dildos that can be used with the Joy Rider (see below).

Advantages: Because of it unique design Joy Rider has advantages other Machines Don’t

* Is lightweight (25 lbs fully assembled) and compact, making it easy to carry and store.

* Requires no electricity or complicated setup.

* Is completely silent, ensuring privacy.

* Features thrusting controlled entirely by your movement, so the speed and depth of penetration is easy for you to vary and bring yourself to orgasm as quickly or as slowly as preferred.

* Is perfect for anal stimulation. That part of the body is full of nerve endings and can be a wonderful source of pleasure. Because the Joy Rider is easy to control you won’t have to be worried about being penetrated too hard or too fast.

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I like girls who have bad skin because with bad skin comes pimples and there is nothing hotter than a girl with a nice fatty white head for me to pop while stickin it in her pooper. I am kidding this shit is gross, and although the bald pussy may be popular cuz people like to pretend they are fucking 12 year olds, the pimply bitch better never be hot, cuz puberty is an awkward time for a reason motherfuckers…here are some pics I cam across of a zit on a tit.

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