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What’s up fuckers.
It’s 1:30 am and I just had a conversation with a close friend about my social etiquette, or lack there of, I should say. So if your wondering why I posted a picture of myself over there, its because this post is about me, and my rudeness.
It was recently brought to my attention that at times of social interaction I come across as rude, short-answered, and generally unhappy as a person. It got me thinking, because, by nature I am a pretty nice guy and didnt realize this about myself. Why am I telling you this, you ask? Well, I’m telling you this because the reasoning behind my newly-discovered dick headedness falls right into todays social sub-genre.
Keep Reading After the Jump
SMALL TALKERS
After a few weeks of “soul searching” (AKA heavy drinking and masturbation ) I realized that it’s not myself I hate, its Small Talkers, and, by default, filler conversation.
Lets break it down into a scenario, shall we? You arive at a house party/bar/whatever (fashionably late I hope), scan the room to locate your friends, and head on over. Now at this point you’re 1 of 2 kinds of people. Your either A: The kind to wait for people to aknowledge your presence, give a round of high fives, and join the group. Or your B: The insecure asshole that makes such a scene that everyone in the place knows your there.
Usualy when I walk into a place I’m pretty casual, saying Hi to those I know, and a slight nod to those I dont. However, it is after the inital contact where my problem lies. Once people start making conversation, saying things such as “Hey Steve, whats new”, “Yo man, how was work?”, you know, the SMALL TALK; this is where I get anal. First off, you dont fucking care whats new, so why would you even ask? Second of all, I hardly know you, if something really was “new”, im not going to fucking tell you, asshole. Because, chances are, it would sound somthing like this.
“Oh hey dude, thanks for asking. I just realized that my dick shrank 2 inches and curves to the right. I tried jerking off with the other hand, but im not very good at switch hitting so…ya know, guess im screwed. HAHAHA”
Nobody gives a fuck whats new. ever. If they do, they are really just waiting for you to stop talking so they can tell you about thier problems. Instead, lets just cut the bullshit and do what we came here to do. Get drunk, make fun of eachother in public and forget about how horrible are lives actually aren’t. If i wanna talk, i’ll call you.
Now, alot of people would make the argument that SMALL TALK leads to deeper conversation, it acts as an ice breaker, opens the door and lets you learn more about a person. But those people are the same people that cant wait to talk about themselves. If you really want to bond with me, buy me a beer and help me trash the washroom. I will gladly return the favour.
But Hey, maybe I am wrong. Perhaps this truly is a problem of mine, everyone else seems to think so. My girlfriend even went to the extent as to give me a book called “I dont want to talk about it – Overcoming the secret of male depression”. I ran out of toilet paper and old tshirts, so I’ll give you one guess as to where that book is now.
Social interaction is the strangest thing ever. So many rules, and so many does and donts. In my opinion, the world would be a greater place if we cut the crap, got rid of the filler, and concentraded on one common goal. Getting completly and utterly fucking wasted.
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You know how I feel about these sex doll people. I find them insanely weird and it makes me uncomfortable in everyday life not knowing who actually has one of these in their closet. I think people with sex dolls need to bring their dolls out with them shopping and shit. I think it would make my day that much more interesting. When this sex act becomes socially accepted, I will be happy with all the laughs it brings.
This has to be some of the weirdest new-wave shit I have seen. A man, jealous of his wife’s ability to breastfeed, used the power of suggestion to get his body to produce breastmilk so he could get in on the action. Now some people may think this is next level business, but I just think it’s hermaphroditic. Does dude let his wife do him with a strap-on? Does dude do the dishes, laundry and cleaning? Does dude get cry and scream for no apparant reason? Is dude really a dude when his baby is suckling his teet. 
