I have been in many situations in my life, where having to pee has caused me mad problems. I remember being on trial years ago and I just couldn’t think straight because shit was burning on the inside. I later found out that it was a bout of the clap that had gone unnoticed. In all honesty it served me right considering I slept with numerous dirty sluts without a condom. It was the ’80s back when AIDS was a gay disease…we didn’t really care about STDs and it was nothing antibiotics couldn’t cure.

I was checking my email a couple of days ago and was happy to find pictures a boyfriend took of his girlfriend peeing in a toilet paper-filled alley. Now I don’t know where these people are from, but seriously, these are fucking disgusting….nothing like a pile of used toilet paper on the wet cement to remind me of my childhood in Mexico, where we didn’t have the luxury of plumbing…

I gave these pics to my brother Hector, so check them out:

Continue to HandjobNation to see the rest of the pics

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I don’t know who she is, but that’s not a surprise, I pretty much have no idea who anyone is, including you. I just know she was on the celebrity boards and she was topless by the pool and there is a common theme on this site that includes pictures of people topless by the pool. She’s from Italy, so I guess letting her puppies out in public is not big deal, but you are not in Italy and you haven’t really seen all that many tits in real life, so I will just give you something to work with. You can thank me later….who are you?

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Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. No one can argue that. So when they come knocking, it will be your fault if you let them in. And when you wake up the next morning you can’t blame anyone except yourself. I have no idea why I have become a complete sucker for one individual that has literally dragged me across coals, stomped on my face, and then threw me to the lions. And just when you think life is taking off again. You muster the strength to date, to try and build responsible relationships. Adult relationships. Then life smacks you. Your ex shows up and the guy you are dating has a remarkable reverse bend to his penis. And it just strikes you that you and captain hook won’t live happily ever after, and your goatfucker ex could make any tall order he wanted. So while your brain is swimming with every angle on how to negotiate your way back into his life, realize that this will only add up to one big mistake. And the shame will be on you. I am full of shame today.

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No one cares about her, and I don’t like her ass. What’s that have to do with anything? Not much, but I lack creative energy right now, and I am trying to give you the motherfucking goods. I like to think that a nice small flat ass is hot, but I know it’s not, but the power of suggestion goes a long way and that is probably why I go after girls with little boy asses. I mean if I could a psychiatrist, he would have a whole other explination, probably something about me being into little boys and shit, but when push comes to shove, little boys don’t have tits, and tits are cool, they are like the baby’s buffet, and there is nothing that I like more than a nice buffet.

More Pics After The Jump….

Big Up to DoubleViking

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Are you a fat bitch, yo that’s cool, I don’t discriminate, but the manufacturers of Halloween costumes do. You would think the holiday would be accommodating to slobs everywhere, it is based on free sweets and let’s face it, fat people like sweets, that’s why we are fat. If we, fat people, had out motherfucking way, it would be Halloween everyday, shit, if we could get paid in candy instead of dollars we would be in a eutopic place. Point of the story is that if you are a fat fuck and you have tried to find that hot costume that would guarantee bountiful returns, you will know that they never fit, so you improvise, you throw on a jogging suit or a couple garbage bags and pretend you’re a tree. No more losing the next “best costume contest” because now the internet has delivered Plus Sized Costumes for all you pigs.

Our Plus Size Halloween Costumes are designed to fit the plus sized adult just right. We carry all the popular plus size Halloween costumes from Pimp to French Maid, Pirate to Fairy. We offer plus size Halloween costumes for every style and every budget.

Whether you’re looking for sexy plus size Halloween costumes or you want to be a Priest, Nun, Devil or Witch, you’ll find the perfect selection of plus size Halloween costumes for every occasion.

Vist Them Here

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The male orgasm is possibly what life is made of. The reason I say that is because it’s really what motivates all men, everything they do is in attempts to cum. It affects all women because they are an integral part in the orgasm, whether through erotic pictures that they are in, or if you are lucky because of the work their mouth/cooter has just put you through. I will never understand girls who are scared of cum, or feel like getting cum on is degrading, because it really isn’t. The only analogy I can muster, as a drunk uneducated person is the way an artist signs his paintings, I am not saying that I am a talent by any means, but bitch I just came let me feel like I am for the 30 good seconds of my day. To girls who don’t let me bust on them, I make sure to find something of hers to leave my mark on. This often ends up being her shirt, jeans, socks or shoes. Not because I am a fetishist, but because I like girls to leave with a piece of me, especially since it’s their fault it happened. Now if this doesn’t make sense to you, think of it like this, “This load could have been our baby girl…the least you can do is wear the shit”.

Thanks to Mojo for this link to a site about cumming on clothes……HERE

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Your bitch is fat, but that’s ok, she’s the best you can do. Let’s face it, hot girls make you nervous, you lose your train of thought, get an erection and your social awkward behavior just fucks the whole deal up, who am I kidding, you are never in a situation to talk to a hot girl….anyway you take what you get, and there is nothing wrong with that. I think it’s important for you to recognize this fat chick fuckin’ issue, so stop chronically masturbating and feeling ashamed when you introduce her to your family, and announce this shit to the world, all through the power of this T-Shirt….Don’t feel so bad, my wife is fat, but I only married her for citizenship and her two daughters…….

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For all the homos out there, I would like to say, I got yo’ back, maybe not the way you’d like me to get it, but in a way that only a drunken stepfather could. There is a condition called Gay Bowel Syndrome which happens after inserting foreign objects in the bum. A penis is considered a foreign object, and a stretched asshole often times means dirty sheets/underwear from fecal seepage. Now I remember the first time I did a girl up the ass, it was a magical experience, that changed my life. The story goes like this: Brenda was a devote christian, she was from texas and she refused to have sex before marriage. That shit threw me off a little and I kept my distance because what the fuck do I want with a girl who doesn’t put out. I am not a sister, and don’t care to learn about your life. As time went on and Brenda kept running after me, I told her straight up that if she doesn’t let me fuck her, she’s dead to me. I like ultimatums. She told me that even though her reverend dad would not approve, like I cared, she would hook me up with a good time. So we met outside the Taco Bell, near the dumpster, I like to have a little bit of Mexico around me at all times, she took off her pants, spread her ass cheeks and invited me in for some backdoor fun. I don’t remember there being and seepage, but I do remember a distinct bean burrito stench……

The soiling of clothes from fecal seepage is a problem for many homosexuals … To avoid soiling of clothes, homosexuals with mild problems are advised to use a menstrual-type pad in the back of their underwear to absorb moisture and waste. (6) Homosexuals with big buttocks require a fluffed-up cotton ball placed against the anal opening, together with a pad to help absorb moisture throughout the day. (6) Medical advice for homosexuals with persistent soiling includes rectal wash-outs to remove residual feces from the anal canal after bowel movements. (6) This involves inserting an ear syringe into the rectum that is filled with warm water and coated with a water-soluble lubricant. Squeezing the syringe gently and repeatedly helps wash out any residual feces from the anal canal.

For more go here HERE

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Claudia Schiffer is a model and you are not and that’s okay. Not everyone is in the right place at the right time, but more importantly not everyone has what it takes. I remember late nights looking at her pics in the ’90s. This was a time before I masturbated because as a catholic person, I was raised to believe that Jesus was watching me. Every three weeks, if I was lucky, I would wake up covered in cum feeling really ashamed, I would take off my pyjama bottoms and cry myself to sleep because it felt so good, but was so wrong. Yes, I had a wet dream problem, and lucky for Claudia Schiffer, she was never in them…. Here are pics of her topless and old….

More Pics After The Jump –

via GorillaMask

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Paige Davis from Trading Spaces has a sex tape. It is floating around, and I can’t deliver the goods. Rumor is that that cunt Ty has an appearance where he delivers a fantastic facial, but not the porno kind….come on… we all know you’re a little limp in the wrist Ty….

The reviews are here

The pictures may come in the next few days, I am waiting for Paige to get off her fat ass and out to the photo store to pick them up..get it, i just pretended Paige was my bitch…that was funny.

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