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Archive for the Jessica Simpson Category

2010

30

Dec

Jessica Simpson Gets Lost Looking for Food of the Day

These pictures may look like an innocent Jessica Simpson shopping, but I can tell by the look on her face and the waddle in her chin that she’s in a panic cuz she was out looking for the food court….and hasn’t really figured out why she’s not stuffing her face with cookies and burgers….but instead she’s surrounded by clothes….she needs to make an escape…her stomach can’t hold out anymore and it may end up eating the person next to her…this is survival motherfuckers, and not of the fittest, but the hungriest, I’ve seen the movie ALIVE and I know how this is gonna play out if bitch doesn’t get some fucking cake…

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2010

02

Dec

Jessica Simpson is Still Fat of the Day

This just in. Jessica Simpson is still fat. Unfortunatley, not fat for me to not be down to fuck, and I hate fat chicks, but I can easily rationalize it, since anything next to my wife looks skinny….end of story.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2010

26

Nov

Jessica Simpson is a Thanksgiving Day Float of the Day

There comes a time in every fat chick’s life where she gets recognized and rewarded for her hard eating. I guess that day was yesterday for Jessica Simpson, where she wasn’t just asked to be in the prestigious thanksgiving parade by riding on a float, she was asked to be a fucking float. Now I don’t know if she was their emergency back-up cuz a tire blew out on the Butterball sponsored Float and she just happened to be at head office stocking up on supplies, you know right place right time….making her some hefty Thanksgiving hero…and I’d like to give thanks to her horrible diet on this beautiful hungover friday…

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2010

24

Nov

Jessica Simpson is Bloated as Fuck of the Day

I guess the sperm finally stuck…I guess a dude finally jumped on this frieght train and did what she wanted all these years…and that was pretend to love her and knock her up so she’d stop feeling second rate to her sister….someone finally saw the opportunity we all saw as her sadness emotionally ate in one sitting enough food to feed a small family for a week…

I guess, someone finally pulled the K-fed…unless she’s just still fat as fucking hell…far fatter than ever…only to be confused for being pregnant and not denying it for embarrassment that she’s hit the point where people think she’s knocked up, even though she’s just a fucking porker…Lock your fridges….Jessica Simpson is coming for your baked goods….

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2010

22

Oct

Jessica Simpson’s Opportunist Cock Fails of the Day

Jessica Simpson looks so happy with her new boyfriend who I am sure she’s trying to recruit to father her child by skipping her birth control pill, which is a lot better and more dignified than when she was running to the bathroom turning the condoms inside out back when she was banging John Mayer during one of his herpes outbreak….cuz that’s the only time celebs use condoms…cuz no one, even if they have herpes, wants that shit touchin’ them….

That said, this smirk is one of not caring that dude is just pulling a K-fed, milking off some money makin’ titties, like a genius who we all wish we could be, but the real issue is that she’s desperate, she’s primed and ready, why the fuck hasn’t he knocked her up yet…he is clearly a disappointment to opportunistic men everywhere….

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2010

18

Oct

Jessica Simpson’s Ass in Denim of the Day

Someone needs to get this bitch a pair of really high heels, a few harnesses and straps, some better fitting pants, like she was Kim Kardashian….the expert at making a fat dumpy ass on a lazy 5 foot 2 girl look like something I want to eat for lunch, instead of something that looks like it’s eaten way too much for lunch and it’s ready to explode into a fat, donut filled mess…if you know what I mean….

I am sure in your small town hell you live in, you wish girls were this fit, but instead they just eat up the snack food rack at the Walmart they work at during lunch break, but to someone who is around fit women on the street regularly, I can say…there’s nothing good about this ass….except for maybe how it looks like it’s about to eat itself as targeted canibalism could really save this bitch and her quest to getting pregnant….if she isn’t already pregnant and has been the last 22 months like some kind of human elephant her ass appears to be……

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2010

16

Sep

Jessica Simpson Slims Down, Still Fat of the Day

I don’t understand how this happened…Maybe her last dress where she looked like a tank made her look fat cuz of her big tits, or more likely she wore padding so that two weeks later she could do a big reveal and be like “See I’m not that fat”, or maybe she’s been ace bandaged up so that she doesn’t look as fat as she is….I do know that whatever it was all for attention cuz that’s how bitch gets paid….and I also know a fat bitch squeezed properly has the ability to have awesome tit while feeling like a doughy piece of shit…

Either way, she’s still fat, she’s just pulling some optical illusions and here is her fat chick cleavage, because aside from her legacy making her good enough cuz of who she once was and her money, her tits are all she has going for her…

Yes…I know…She is probably pregnant….

Bonus – They had her posing with massive chicks to make her look less fat…I’ve seen this trick in bars many times and it works….

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2010

10

Sep

Jessica Simpson Still Fat of the Day

Jessica Simpson has a responsibility to the public. Not only does she need to be a good role model for girls…to teach them to live a healthy life without being fat, but also to the men who spent years jerking off to her.

She doesn’t work, she has tons of money, she has all the time in the world to hire a fucking trainer, she is not pregnant, she hasn’t even had a kid yet, and really the whole thing is totally unacceptable. She is a public figure and going out there like Kirstie Alley or the bitch Carnie Wilson about how comfortable and proud she is cuz she can be herself and eat ribs 4 times a day and fit in a tarp of a dress and still lay there for guys to fuck her cuz she’s Jessica Simpson, is some lazy fucking excuse for a human being….

Seriously bitch, shape the fuck up, you sold your soul to the world, we tell you what you can and can’t do…and whether you are too fat or not…which I guess goes without saying….you waste of hot pussy.

I remember your Dukes of Hazard car wash scene. Look at you now. You fucking pig.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2010

08

Sep

Jessica Simpson Shows Off Her Fatness of the Day

Like all fat chicks, she just keeps growing and growing…If there is one thing I hate about fat people, it’s not their eating or their sleep apnea that keeps me up all night cuz the bitch is a fucking louder and gives off more heat than a broken furnace, it’s when they accept being fat, embrace being fat and parade their fat asses around like a cow at the county fair, hoping that other people will follow the fucking lead and give them the respect they feel they deserve because they have no self control and eat their loneliness away every night.

It looks like there is no stop to this fat shit, and one day they’ll have to crane this pig to the hospital for gastic bypass and the whole thing is pretty sad, cuz when she was disciplined before being tired of all the work that went into being disciplined, she was pretty fucking spectacular…sure we all knew her body and tits had the capacity to become this…we just never thought the Hollywood pressure would allow her to be…

It’s all very depressing, but not as depressing as it is for her mattress….

She’s still a decent target for gold diggers and I really don’t know why no one has knocked her up yet, cuz fat or not, she’s a meal ticket who loves as many meals as she can fit into her busy day of eating…

I’m just happy she’s not pullin a Kim Kardashian fat chick style tip and wearing spandex….cuz that the kind of shit hell is made of.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2010

15

Jul

Jessica Simpson’s Large Back has Found Love of the Day

I used to live in a foster home and the daughter of the family I was living with was this bigger, greasy, ugly as fuck girl who I guess was fucking horny as shit, cuz she would always make sure to walk around half naked, or flash me without panties, all to seemingly be innocent, but really to try to get me turned on and into her, but at 14 years old, I didn’t really know how to deal with these things, mainly because my hormones weren’t strong enough for me to ignore how ugly she was….It went on for months, where I knew this monster wanted to jump me. I’d wake up and she’d be in my bed, I’d catch her masturbating, but I didn’t react like a normal dude, I’d run away freaked the fuck out cuz she was really that gross…but then she tricked me…she found dirt on me and realized that if she told her parents I was the one trying to fuck her, I’d get in fucking trouble, and really who would believe a 14 year old foster kid over their daughter, so one thing lead to another cuz I didn’t want to get set to the horrible foster home and next thing you know I’m giving her back massages, and despite how fucking pimply and broad the shit is, I get hard and next thing you know I’m as sucked in as Jessica Simpson’s boyfriend….only I didn’t have the choice to run…I became her sex slave and I had no where else to go and just had to suck it up…big back and all…so when I see this dude intentionally getting with this back….I realize that maybe big back isn’t the problem….and the girl who the big back is on is…cuz Jessica Simpson, in all her desperate to get knocked up glory and in all her fatness, is still Jessica Simpson and you’d have to be an idiot to not fuck her the second you have the chance..no matter how much you hate or are traumatized by big back…and that’s the life lesson of the day…it’s not the size of the back that counts, but the pussy it is attached to.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2010

12

Jul

Jessica Simpson’s Boyfriend is Strong of the Day

I don’t know if these pictures of Jessica Simpson crushing her man are becasue she’s so happy to finally have an opportunist commit to her she just can’t contain herself that she jumps on the motherfucker so that she crushes his legs and he never runs away – or if she doesn’t realize that she’s a hefty fucking bitch who weighs a lot more than she thinks she does – so she does cutsey things that cute girls can pull off, but are just scary when a tank does it – or maybe she’s just happy she found a dude who can lift her up without throwin’ out his back and she gets a kick out of it and keeps doing it on repeat like the retard that she is…But I guess none of that matters but what does matter is that she’s not wearing a bikini when all this goes down, cuz fat or not, I like to see all bitches half naked, it’s a fetish.

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2010

06

Jul

Jessica Simpson’s Belly of the Day

I’m thinking Jessica Simpson finally found a sperm donor cuz this kind of body is one that must be pregnant, that or she’s just pregnant on BBQ, making it unfortunate that she’s a white Christian girl from the south who isn’t culturally allowed to date black dudes, cuz I know black would be all over this, paritially cuz black guys are into fat white chicks, especially when they are blonde,they also love BBQ as much as she does, they also love gangster living and with her money, they can afford the Bentley, the mansion, the cognac and the strippers they can convince her she wants in her living room at all times, provided he tells her that he loves her to make her feel wanted when she’s not too busy eating, but more importantly, black dudes are real fucking fertile and that’s good enough to show Ashlee she’s not the only Simpson sister with a uterus, and who really cares, cuz she looks disgusting, and is just proof the American philosophy that Bigger is Better in this patriotic time of year, is not actual fact and doesn’t apply to all things….

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2010

24

Jun

Jessica Simpson Can’t Hide Her Fat with Her Purse of the Day

These Jessica Simpson fat as fuck pictures hit close to home. Not because I am used to being let down by pussy I found hot…but because I have seen various women in my life kill their sex appeal like it was a bad friend who was trying to steal from them by eating their fucking faces off….mainly my wife…who was actually not so bad looking before she married me…but for some reason she just decided to start eating, to stop moving, and to never stop until she exploded…..and it is one of life’s great tragedies….

I saw the different phases of emotional eating until you turn into a fat fucking piece of shit that scares little kids and disgusts everyday people cuz it’s just not fucking human and Jessica Simpson is textbook.

It starts with a few pounds from one too many deserts….to slowly enough weight people start noticing…to strategic dressing so that people can’t tell just how fat and disgusting you are…from covering your gut with your purse, to wearing ill fitting pants hoping it’ll make you slim the fuck down like Jessica Simpson in these pictures.. to not giving a fuck and stuffing your fucking face cuz you’ve officially given up…developing diabetes, having limbs removed and smelling like shit no matter how long you shower cuz some places are just too hard to reach…..

It’s amazing what getting divorced, having failed relationship after failed relationship, having a failed record, having your younger sister go on to do all the things you wanted to do when she was always in your shadow and you were always the focal point can do to a bitches spirit….and I’d still fuck her…but I have no standards…and fat or not, she’s still Jessica Simpson….while my wife is just fat and nobody and I still fuck her….but I don’t think jerking off to these pics is right…unless you’re black…in which this bitch is right where you need her to be….and that’s enough of that.

Here she is in ill-fitting pants…

Here she is covering up her fat stomach with her purse….

Pics via Fame
Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Jessica Simpson

2010

05

May

Jessica Simpson is Fucking Huge of the Day

A bunch of hollywood gossip sites with nothing better to do with their time than talk about celebrities while trying to make stories out of seriously insignificant things they do and say went nuts about Jessica Simpson because she made a statement that she only brushes her teeth three times a week…

I think she was just diverting from the fact that she’s fat as fuck and slowly turning into a barn animal from her Texan hometown….

The reality is that she’s got fake teeth and when you have fake teeth you can’t get cavities, you can’t get plaque or bacteria build-up so you don’t really have to brush your teeth ever. A little mouth wash and you’re good to go….

But her real issue, which is her disgusting dress size, is what everyone should be gagging about, cuz bitch coulda been hot, if she didn’t spend her days pigging the fuck out now that she can afford to aand because it’s the only thing that makes her feel like she’s being hugged from the inside, since no guys are hugging her from the inside, or from the outside for that matter, but at least her roll of fat is proving to grow into the size of a disgusting person of its own so that she doesn’t need someone to hold her at night, not that her obesity would stop any of us perverts from holding her any time, she just needs to angle herself the right way to smother her fucking self….

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Fat|Jessica Simpson

2010

28

Apr

Jessica Simpson’s Fat Ass Tits on Leno of the Day

I can’t believe Jay Leno is allowed on TV….but the other thing I can’t believe is that the tank that is Jessica Simpson pretends that she works out….I mean based on everything I see from her fat chick tits, to her fat chick arms, to her fat chick legs, to her fat chick shoulders, to everything fat about her….So Leno makes tit jokes, back alley blowjob hooker jokes and she jiggles when she talks about her Nicorette gum addiction despite having never smoked in her life, when she probably should because if she did actually smoke she’d probably have a better body, since any model and cokewhore party slut will tell you cigarettes help make them skinny….

Posted in:Fat|Jessica Simpson|Leno