I have been stalking Lohan for about 3 years now. I know that it’s been pretty lazy stalking because I just left her a couple of voicemail messages over the course of those 3 years and emailed random people that she had been in contact with, whether it be producers or hairstylists or girls from her hometown and even though I never got anywhere with her, I am convinced we are connected at the soul.

Unfortunately she is connected at the vagina to ever penis in the fucking industry and connected at the nose to as much cocaine as she can snort and connected at the mouth to booze, but I guess that’s not really unfortunate, because I have never been into sober girls, mainly because they were never into me, and because they want families and kids and all that shit girls who like getting fucked up don’t want and that works for me. But she doesn’t spend enough time on the internet to know who I am and that makes me cry on the inside.

Either way, I have been getting so many emails telling me how much Lohan sucks and how she’s washed up and disgusting because she has herpes and looks like someone smeared shit on her. They tell me how no one’s into her anymore, and how her time in the spotlight is over and that she is just a childstar trying to hang onto the fame as hard as she can. They started throwing Hayden Pannettiere pics my way saying she’s the next big thing and I just stuck it out with Lohan because I am hooked.

So I am happy to say she’s the number 1 girl according to Maxim and Maxim knows girls more than I do because they never pose in photoshoots for me, they usually just give me dirty looks, and being number 1 in Maxim is like winning an Academy Award for a girl, so let’s hope she does it in style, by sucking as much dick as she can, doing as much blow as she can and being as drunk as she can because that’s the kind of Lohan I want to K-Fed.

Posted in:Bikini|Lindsay Lohan|Maxim|Tits|Unsorted