I'll Make You Famous…




I am – Monica Cruz in a Bikini of the Day

Monica Cruz

After work, I walked the 1.5 miles home and lost the will to live/ get laid. This is what I came across.

— a little boy fell off his skateboard skateboard while talking on his shiny Razr
— a pregnant woman with a gremlin face (condoms, please)
— a homeless man was washing his leper feat with water out of a McDonald’s cup
— an old man and his Woody Allen Voice yelling into his phone “You are my girlfriend, why are you treating me this way?” (mystery)
— a man pushing a dog in a hot pink stroller
— a 10 year old girl kicked a pigeon
— a Bentley with a license plate reading “CAVITY” (search?)

It felt like i was living in some fucked up combo of ‘Twin Peaks’ and ‘The Truman Show.’ I Got home, took some pills, drank. If I hadn’t been for my vibrator, I would have done myself in. It’s fancy. It has a clit stimulator.

So I am not hurting so much anymore, but you’ll be hurting for Monica Cruz on the beach in Ibiza wearing a bikini. Seriously, let’s talk about the charmed life. Your big sister, who is arguably less hot than you, makes it big as Tom Cruise’s beard, and you don’t have to work your way to fame, just sit their and look pretty. Nicely done, you hot, Spanish minx.

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)


UPDATE: Here’s some ones of Penny too. Who do you love?

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