I used to hang out at the Airport hoping to find girls who were coming into town for the weekend. I figured it would be the best way to beat all the other locals to their vaginas because you know a group of girls in town for a weekend is going to end up with all of them having sex with at least one person each and being there to greet them was key to my success because I never had much game. I’d see them walking out and I’d run up to them pretending they were a long lost friend who I was there to meet and who I hadn’t seen in a long time. They were always pretty receptive until I’d ask them to get into my van.

In those days girls at airports were never this put together. They would be in workout gear or sweatpants and look tired and unshowered. You know practically in their pajamas, but not the good kind of pajamas, so it’s nice seeing Jessica Simpson lookin’ good at the airport. It’s also nice to see her carrying her dog around like he’s her best friend, because he probably is the only person she lets eat her used tampons or lick her dirty underwear. Dogs have it made and celebrity dogs really have it made, I always wanted to live the life of a dog and I pretty much do. I sit in the house all day and enjoy shitting on sidewalks.

Here are those pics,

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