Dog Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2010

16

Apr

Amanda Seyfried Gets Intimate with a Dog of the Day

I made the mistake of posting clips of the Amanda Seyfried sex scene with Julianne Moore yesterday because bitch pretty much blew up my fucking servers.

My site hardly works now and I got a bill from my host for 1000 dollars just for the fucking day, that I am not going to pay because I don’t make 1000 dollars off the site a month, let alone in a fucking day and even if I did make 1000 dollars a month, I’d rather spend that shit on booze than keeping the site alive, not that it matters….

So that means that after 6 fucking years of this bullshit, Amanda Seyfried officially brought down DrunkenStepfather.com. No one before he has had that power, not even when I was the first to post sex tapes, so I may have to close-up after all these years cuz of clips of this cunt.

I’d fucking sue the bitch if the clips weren’t stolen, which pretty much kills any case I might have had…..not to mention, I don’t have a lawyer or know how to reach her people, because if I did, I wouldn’t be typing this, I’d be trying to figure out a way to sneak into her house so that I could hide in her closet and watch her get down to business with her dog….like I need to see how hot and heavy they get together…because she’s one of those girls you see your friends throw their life away to marry, only in this case, she’s got actual sex appeal and isn’t just a mechanism for him to not feel like a lonely loser anymore….

Either way, here she is loving her dog….

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Amanda Seyfried|Dog|Intimate

2009

14

Sep

Help Jessica Simpson Find Daisy of the Day

5 Comments »

My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!

So while Kanye and Patrick were stealing the news headlines, this story went under the fuckin’ radar and it’s a real tragedy. Jessica Simpson’s dog Daisy has gone missing, it was eaten by a Coyote right in front of her and that is a kind of pain I just can’t fathom. I have a dog and it is all I love in this world and I’m actually married and not a total failure at relationships destined to be alone with my dog for life like she is, or I mean was, I mean until he was taken before his time.

If you have any information on this nature crime, email the right people, let’s solve this crime, let’s get on our knees and pray, our combined thoughts may make miracles happen….

Posted in:Dog|Jessica Simpson

2009

03

Jul

Kristin Cavallari Heavy Petting Some Dog of the Day

5 Comments »

You know what happens when nobody loves you, when no one wants to give you the time of day, when nobody wants to work or talk to you because you are a worthless nobody, when even your family doesn’t answer your calls because on your rise to fame you alienated everyone you knew like a little cunt, cuz you were thinking that it was only up from there and that your peak was actually just the beginning, and that you’d never fade into obscurity like some useless trend, like Hypercolor T-shirts or some shit, you get a dog, because as long as you feed the fuckin’ thing, it’ll act like it likes you, and sometimes it feels good to take of something that depends on you, when everyone else around you just expects you to fail, not to mention all it takes to get oral sex is a food on genitals, and I’m sure you know that trick doesn’t work with real chicks.

Either way, you can kinda see up her skirt as she shows off her legs and gets busy with some random dog like the whore that she is.

Posted in:Dog|Heavy Petting|Krisin Cavallari

2009

05

Jun

A Little Haylie Duff Walking Her Dog of the Day

1 Comment »

It must suck being in her younger sister’s shadow. Not as pretty, not ass successful, not as well put together, forcing her to spend a life trying to prove herself to her family, and in this case, the world. So she goes out and gets a shitty nose job, thinking that’ll be the remedy to why she has never had work other than being on Hilary Duff’s payroll cuz she’s family, and I almost feel sorry for her, so sorry that I’d finger bang her ugly ass on the dancefloor while her dog watched. Not that that makes sense but I’m just waking up and hurting.

What does make sense is that the dog should be walking her. Or maybe that doesn’t make sense either. At this point nothing makes sense.

Posted in:Dog|Haylie Duff|Shorts

2009

07

May

Lindsay Lohan is a Dog Sitter of the Day

2 Comments »

Lohan was at Samantha Ronson’s house until 6:30 in the morning, probably because they are in dyke love, and both enable their dyke lifestyles, while Samantha Ronson milks off Lohan’s fame for personal gain, and Lohan milks off Ronson’s tit, like she was her momma.

I just thought it was funny to see Lohan leaving with Ronson’s dog, like she’s some kind of dog sitter, like she’s responsible enough to take care of a fucking dog, when we all know she has a hard enough time taking care of herself, leading me to believe motherfucker is gonna be brought back jacked on prescription pills, 40 pounds lighter, chain smoking, while lickin’ a pussy.

But the biggest joke in all this is that Sam Ronson is walking out with a guitar, leading me to believe she’s going to be singing on stage badly again…Good times.

Posted in:Dog|Lindsay Lohan

2009

20

Feb

Lohan and Ronson’s Dog Trying to Escape of the Day

15 Comments »

Someone needs to call the animal protection services because by the looks of it, this bull dog is trying to get the fuck away from these two. Truth is that if you had to see Ronson on Lohan dildo, fisting, shitting, pissing, naked, masturbating multiple times a day, then the heated insane arguments and an unstable emotional roller coaster ride that is their life…you’d be trying your hardest to get back to the puppy mill where you weren’t fed, weren’t allowed out of the cage, were forced to pump out babies, because it was substantially better than the hell it is living now.

Here’s the real bitch in the family…

Here’s some pictures of Lohan on her way to spend 53,000 dollars on 3 Rolexes because that’s how you deal with the financial crisis when being an unemployed child star with a drug addiction and personality disorder…

Here’s the video cuz you’ve got nothing better to do with yourself…

Posted in:Dog|Lohan|Ronson

2009

05

Feb

Jessica Biel Walks Her Dog of the Day

2 Comments »

Nothing screams bulldyke like a manly lookin’ bitch who likes to lift weights and who is jacked like she’s got a dick taking her tough lookin’ dog out for a powerwalk because they both like to push their limits, I mean other than being caught with a strap-on and leather chaps slamming the shit out of some fat chick and by fat chick I mean Justin Timberlake, because based on his light on his feet dance moves and angelic voice dude’s gonna have a pussy, at least that’s what all the guys I’ve met over the years who have claimed to have a “man crush” on him would like to believe, because that way they won’t feel guilty about the sexual fantasies they claim “man crushes” don’t include, when we all know they do.

Posted in:Ass|Dog|Jessica Biel

2008

13

Aug

Who’s Gayer, Mischa Barton’s Dog or Her Boyfriend? of the Day

12 Comments »

I haven’t quite figured out what’s gayer, Mischa Barton’s Dog or her Boyfriend. I’d write more, but why bother, no one reads the site anyway, except for assholes that threaten to sue me for illegally using their boring pictures of useless people like Micha Barton walking her fucking dog with her ladder-climbing opportunist boyfriend who thought fake dating Barton would lead to something bigger for him, before finding out the hard reality that her career is pretty much over, that’s what you get for being ambitious buttfucker.

Posted in:Boyfriend|Dog|Gay|Mischa Barton

2008

09

Apr

Iliana Fischer’s Bathing Suit Pictures of the Day

1 Comment »

Iliana Fischer is some Playboy model who is on the beach with her only friend because he never judges her for being a slut who gets naked for getting ahead and by ahead I mean make enough money to pay her rent because I’ve never heard of her so that usually means she’s pretty much just a nobody and I surprised she’s even made it into Playboy considering her body is nothing to freak out over. Sure she’s got the fake blonde hair but I’m thinking that t was because some make a wish foundation dream or something.

I like how she’s wearing some kind of University Sweatshirt, it makes her whole bullshit story while working the local strip club pole more believable. Sure you’re going to Med School sweetheart, I’m ok way grabbing your tits in exchange for 10 dollars you can put towards your “tuition” and by tuition I mean up her nose, because you’ve gotta be on drugs to be this kind of women at least that’s what I’ve learned throughout my worldly travels to the local strip club.

Posted in:Bathing Suit|Dog|Iliana Fischer

2007

16

Oct

I am – Jessica Simpson Loves Her Dog and I Love Her Tits of the Day

2 Comments »

I used to hang out at the Airport hoping to find girls who were coming into town for the weekend. I figured it would be the best way to beat all the other locals to their vaginas because you know a group of girls in town for a weekend is going to end up with all of them having sex with at least one person each and being there to greet them was key to my success because I never had much game. I’d see them walking out and I’d run up to them pretending they were a long lost friend who I was there to meet and who I hadn’t seen in a long time. They were always pretty receptive until I’d ask them to get into my van.

In those days girls at airports were never this put together. They would be in workout gear or sweatpants and look tired and unshowered. You know practically in their pajamas, but not the good kind of pajamas, so it’s nice seeing Jessica Simpson lookin’ good at the airport. It’s also nice to see her carrying her dog around like he’s her best friend, because he probably is the only person she lets eat her used tampons or lick her dirty underwear. Dogs have it made and celebrity dogs really have it made, I always wanted to live the life of a dog and I pretty much do. I sit in the house all day and enjoy shitting on sidewalks.

Here are those pics,

Related Posts:

Some Jessica Simpson’s Got some Crazy Cleavage
Jessica Simpson’s Got a Floppy Fuckin’ Tit
Lots of Jessica Simpson, Her Tits and Her Dog Pictures
Some Old Jessica Simpson Built Like a Tank Pictures

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