Lohan Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2010

23

Mar

Miley Cyrus Does the Lohan of the Day

These pictures bring back memories of when Lohan was just 18 and at her peak before everything fell apart cuz the dude from The 70s Show broke her heart and made her spiral into drugs, lesbianism, random cock, partying, only I think Lohan showed off a little more cleavage, but I don’t really remember since it happened so long ago, long enough to make me think most of her career has been spent not working and being talked about in the media than actually acting in movies. This whole celebrity thing is a fucking joke. It annoys me. But I am excited to see fame chew up Miley and spit her out, you know as she tries to re-invent herself in “Adult Roles” just because it’s more entertaining than any movie or TV show she’s ever been in.

Here she is doin’ the Lohan, predicting what’s to come…

Pics via Bauer
Pics via Fame

Posted in:Lohan|Miley Cyrus

2010

04

Mar

Hayden Panettiere Does the Lohan of the Day

3 Comments »

I don’t really know what’s up with Lohan, but maybe she’s like me and all her utilities got cut off the last few weeks forcing you to try to step up your game to pay the fucking bills, because I’ve been noticing her popping up everywhere from photoshoots at fashion magazines, to red carpets and fashion shows, to doing interviews with different magazines and TV shows and now the craziest stunt…as Hayden Panettiere….

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Lohan

2010

25

Jan

Lohan Behind the Scenes of her Muse Photoshoot of the Day

1 Comment »

I have not seen a celebrity milk a photoshoot as much as Lohan has with this Muse hipster art fag bullshit. This shit seems to come up every week, whether it’s the published pics, the outtakes or the video, it just never seems to go away. Maybe it is because it is the only thing she has done with her career in the last few years, I mean other than making a shitty lesbian DJ famous and fake saving babies in Africa, both things totally uninteresting when all we want to see is her tits in a sheer outfit, crawling around and whoring out and here are some pictures from the behind the scenes….unless this is from an unrelated waste of time event where lohan wore a sheer leotard….

Posted in:Leotard|Lohan|Sheer

2009

20

Feb

Lohan and Ronson’s Dog Trying to Escape of the Day

15 Comments »

Someone needs to call the animal protection services because by the looks of it, this bull dog is trying to get the fuck away from these two. Truth is that if you had to see Ronson on Lohan dildo, fisting, shitting, pissing, naked, masturbating multiple times a day, then the heated insane arguments and an unstable emotional roller coaster ride that is their life…you’d be trying your hardest to get back to the puppy mill where you weren’t fed, weren’t allowed out of the cage, were forced to pump out babies, because it was substantially better than the hell it is living now.

Here’s the real bitch in the family…

Here’s some pictures of Lohan on her way to spend 53,000 dollars on 3 Rolexes because that’s how you deal with the financial crisis when being an unemployed child star with a drug addiction and personality disorder…

Here’s the video cuz you’ve got nothing better to do with yourself…

Posted in:Dog|Lohan|Ronson

2008

04

Dec

Lauren Conrad Does the Lohan of the Day

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If you know anything about young girls in Hollywood, you know that when they are wasted, they always leave the club with their head aimed to the ground and their hair in their face. I guess it’s because no matter how fucked up their insecure selves are, they always manage to remember to never let a paparazzi get a shot of their face, because when a girl is drunk, she ususally isn’t lookin her best. Which is weird because young girls in Hollywood never seem to remember to use condoms when they are drunk, which I guess is good news for the manufacturers of the Valtrex and the morning after pill,

Unfortunately, the drunk girls I know are a little more embarrassing than their Hollywood counterparts. You know, if they aren’t passed out in the fucking corner letting me finger bang them because they don’t know I am finger banging them, but technically, I’m not violating them, since they never say no and we all know that if they don’t say no then they aren’t totally against what you’re doing to them, then their causing scenes, screaming at bouncers or random people, pissing on the side of the street, or desperately trying to get their fat asses fucked by any guy willing to take them home and when their puke covered dresses get ignored, they end up crying and hating themselves more than they did before they started drinking.

Either way, it’s not news that Lauren Conrad likes to drink, I mean if you were here, you probably would be medicated too, it’s pretty much the only way you could live with yourself for being a lying joke of a celebrity and I call this drunken celebrity dance The Lohan.

Posted in:Drunk|Lauren Conrad|Lohan

2008

02

Jun

Lindsay Lohan Fighting the Wind at the MTV Movie Awards of the Day

6 Comments »

Lindsay Lohan was offered 1,000,000 dollars from OK magazine to announce she’s a lesbian. Call me a sell out, but I’d get a sex change and suck a dick a day for the rest of my life for 1,000,000 dollars. I figure I hate fucking my wife anyway and my penis is pretty much already a vagina and I can afford to buy expensive moist toilettes to wipe my face down when the dick is done having it’s way with me. I guess I am just cheaper than Lohan and realize that 1,000,000 dollars probably isn’t much to her, but I also don’t give a fuck about what having a sex change or sucking dick for the rest of my life does to my career, I think it’s pretty clear I have no self-respect and don’t care what you think about me.

Either way, here’s Lohan’s potentially lesbian vagina covered in a hot pair of clean black underwear exposed as she fights with the wind, who turned out to be the biggest pervert at event because I wasn’t invited because no one takes me seriously, but if I was invited, I would have definitely put on a wig and a short skirt and finger-banged her because I hear she’s into that and don’t need to give her 1,000,000 dollars to find out.

On a side note, I will pay Ellen Page 2 dollars to admit she’s a lesbian, even though I already know the answer to that.

Posted in:Awards|Lohan|MTV|Panties|Upskirt

2008

22

Feb

Megan Fox has Lohan on Her Arm of the Day

1 Comment »

Here are some pictures of a classy Megan Fox with her shitty tattoo and hot tits that got her out of the gutter she obviously came from because no girl from money would be impressed by Brian Austin Green enough to let him have sex with them.

I read somewhere that bitch was poverty and luckily for her family, she wasn’t ugly, because when you’re poor and have a good lookin’ kid, it only means one thing and that is a meal ticket. The reason is that poor ugly girl just have absolutely no hope where as a hot poor girl can always find a way out, whether it’s sucking dick for money, dancing on a pole for money, or hooking up with older married men, getting pregnant and blackmailing them for money. There are options…

I guess the point of all this is to say that her Marilyn Monroe tattoo is obsolete now that Lohan has taken on her personal and trying to steal her thunder. Now every time anyone looks at Megan Fox they are going to think of Lohan. It’s kinda like the time a friend of mine drank the last beer, so I fucked this girlfriend when they were on a break and gave her herpes, knowing they would get back together and every time she gets an outbreak they’ll think of me. I win motherfucker….

Related Posts:

Megan Fox and a Hot Water Bottle
Megan Fox Gets Coffee With Her Lame Boyfriend
Megan Fox Has Hard Nipples
Megan Fox Lookin Good in Red
Megan Fox and Her Boyfriend
Megan Fox in a Pink Dress

Posted in:cleavage|Lohan|Megan Fox|Tattoo|Tits

2007

03

Oct

I am – Lohan Brings in the Sunshine of the Day

1 Comment »

The cool thing about drugs is that it turns people in to grey unhealthy lookin’ crazy people. It rapes them from the inside when I can’t. I still woulda slammed Lohan during her dark addiction years that I am pretty sure she’ll be revisiting soon enough because getting fucked and fucked up is a lot more exciting than sitting around doing nothing all day, but these pictures of her lookin’ refreshed in yellow remind of the Lohan I decided to stalk 3 years ago. She still doesn’t know I exist because I am not really good at much, and stalking takes too much fucking work, but if I had followed through on it, I woulda definitely been on Entertainment Tonight.

She looks happier than you’ve ever been in these pics, I was thinking maybe it’s because she rekindled shit with her dad, then I was thinking it was cuz she kicked her addictions, but then I realized that she’s supposed to be getting out in 2 weeks and she can probably taste the cocaine and smell the cum drippin off her chin.

I just got an email from someone from my past who recognized my voice in one of the videos. He told me that he’s been lookin’ for me for 7 years and that I am dead. I think that means I just got a death threat. I’ll let you know how that works out for me….but after lookin at these Lohan the Sunshine of my Life pictures I don’t think anything can go wrong….she’s my guardian angel and by angel I mean she’s my target vagina to lick in my lifetime….we all need to have goals….otherwise what’s the point of livin’….

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