Tattoo Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2009

28

Oct

Lindsay Lohan’s Emo Tattoo of the Day

We get it Lohan, you’re a bird with a broken wing. No one gives a fuck or will feel sorry for you, so maybe you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Our lives are shittier than yours, we don’t have the money that allows us to even call ourselves stars.

So enough with the whining and complaining, you are too old to be a victim, so pick youself up, brush off your shoulders or knees or whatever it is you lesbians do and do something with your fucking life. You’re almost at the point of pathetic, definitely a disappointment, and it’s either time to sort it out or time for suicide.

The tattoo’s a real nice touch though, it really makes us cry on the inside for you, and by cry on the inside I mean, it makes you look like an easy fuck we can take advantage of because of serious fucking issues, like the stripper I met with a Playboy tattoo for wishful thinking, or another I met with some dollar sign shit on her thigh to remind us that she was nothing but a cunt ripping us off for our money….or the time a stripper had the angel wings on her back with a chinese symbol and the words “Godess” mispelled between the shit because she wanted guys to know they were dealing with quality when the fucked her from behind for money. The whole tattoo thing tends to get pretty fucking weak most of the time, especially now that there is no regulating a motherfucker from doing something stupid at low points in their life….

Emo Tattoo that reminds me of Pete Wentz lyrics or not, she’s got nice tits….and really that’s all that really matters…

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Tattoo

2009

28

Jul

Katy Perry and Her Stupid Sense of Humor of the Day

3 Comments »

I hate Katy Perry, even though she’s letting us all know she’s a fuckin’ joker and this whole career and success based on a song she wrote when she was trying to get her boyfriend off during phone sex was just another one of her jokes, that went misunderstood, and went huge, and made her big fucking money, some kind of fuckin’ the system scam I’d normally be a fan of, but there’s just something about her face that makes me want to piss on it like she was a girl in a stairwell last week, and I was my friend who had to pee.

Here she is getting a tattoo and tricking the paparazzi into thinking it was a Josh Grobin tattoo on her tit, while really it was a dolphin on her ankle in honor of the real girls who like kissing girls that made her rich exploiting their lifestyle…

Posted in:Joker|Katy Perry|Tattoo|Tit

2009

10

Jun

Gisele’s Naked Body Tattooed in a Magazine of the Day

9 Comments »

The only thing more disgusting than one of those inked up alternative models naked and pierced and tattooed for guys who have no standards because those whores have no business being naked, but only have business being whores, because whores don’t have to be hot, they just have to get naked for sites like suicide girls, is supermodels who look like dudes naked and pretending to be tattooed.

Posted in:Gisele Bundchen|Naked|Tattoo

2009

26

Mar

Rihanna Shows Off Her New Gun Tattoo of the Day

6 Comments »

Rihanna is the kind of girl I would let rape me with her six-shooter, you know shove her hip hop gat, deep inside my asshole and thrust back and forth for a couple of hours or until I start bleeding or my insides start pooring out, before deciding it’s time to play Russian Roulette and motherfucker’s fully loaded. Seriously. I think she’s that amazing and I figure I’m a little bored and have lived long enough, so Rihanna, if you’re out there, let’s take your aggression out on me….

Posted in:Gun|Rihanna|Tattoo

2009

09

Mar

Kat Von D Looks Like a Truck Stop Bathroom Stall of the Day

17 Comments »

I don’t really get the appeal of alternative models, the fact that they are alternatives to models, pretty much means they are not hot enough to be models, so they go out and made a full category of their own and to make their below average looks more appealing, they go out and tattoo the shit up and piece the shit up and do other mods that shouldn’t actually be called mods because the only thing that shit modifies is how disgusting and used up a bitch looks, but

Kat Von D isn’t one of those alternative models, she’s just famous for being a tattoo artist who may or may not jack those alternative girls up, who I assume wrote a book and some creepy fan brought out some lingerie to give her at a signing, because he feels like it’s the least he can do since he’s been jerking off to her the last few years and figures she deserve a gift, especially one that provides new fantasies for him, because he can now imagine her in the panties he used to wear while watching her show, before washing and re-packaging them and giving them to her, if you know what I mean and since the only other person at the signing was her dad because she has no fans…it may the whole thing nice and smooth.

2009

19

Feb

Lily Allen’s New Tattoo of the Day

2 Comments »

Following Lily Allen on Twitter the last 2 days has been life changing. First, I saw her call Perez out, then I fell in love, tried to reach out so that she would call me out, she never bothered, so now I’m over that love and back to my old self. I think it’s cuz I got a good nights sleep.

Anyway. This morning she posted her new tattoo, that’s the picture you see.

This is what I wrote her:

it should have been ‘crime scene’ tape and a chalk outline on your FUPA

For those of you who don’t know a FUPA is a Fat Upper Pussy Area, I heard some high school girls making fun of a fat chick about having one, I always knew it as gunt. I’ll admit the joke would have been funnier if I had said womb, but I’m trying not to get banned just yet.

Then last night she wrote that she was sick and cancelled an interview with Dr Drew so Perez tried to be clever saying something smart like “maybe she has an new STD”, good one, useless fuck.

I wrote.

i’m thinking she’s pregnant again…get out the vacuum.

Better one and that’s all that matters…

So, enough about twitter…I fucking hate when people try to relive an internet moment, I just woke up and had to update and will keep my twitter jokes on twitter, where they belong.

Here are some pictures of Lily Allen yesterday….

Now with video…

Posted in:Lily Allen|Tattoo

2008

19

Dec

Rihanna Shows Off Her Tattoo For a Fan of the Day

4 Comments »

This is on of the reasons I am a fan of Rihanna. Not only is she hot and a huge success, but she seems like she’s pretty down to have a good time. You know when she was a kid in the Islands, living in poverty, watching MTV when cleaning resort bedrooms, she knew she wanted to make it big in music, and she did. That’s not to say that she’s all that talented, or that she didn’t take off her pants for Jay-Z, seeing how easily she pulled them down for some random Fred Durst motherfucker, but it is to say that she’s here and she looks like she’s loving it and that’s a hell of a lot more refreshing than the cunt Beyonce, who you know probably doesn’t even take her pants off for her Husband because in her diva world she’s above that shit and just being in the same fucking room as her is something you should be thanking the gods for, no matter who they are. The truth is that the last time I think Beyonce even acknowledged one of her fans was back when she was doing the Mall circuit with Destiny’s Child and happened to order her bucket of chicken from a Popeye’s employee who happened to hear her perform earlier that day and recognized her, and she was only talking to him to get served….

Now to those of you who are going to call me racist and threaten my life, it’s a known fact that Beyonce loves Popeye’s, she had a VIP free chicken for life card from them and she even served the shit at her wedding , so get over hating and embrace her love for fried chicken.

Posted in:Rihanna|Tattoo

2008

31

Mar

Audrina Patridge’s Stupid Tattoo Does the Pussycat Dolls of the Day

2 Comments »

I don’t break stories and I was tipped off that this whole Audrina Patridge tattoo shit was some kind of Ashton Kutcher Punk’d the Next Generation prank on the public. So when I got this email that deciphered what looks like the shittiest Chinese character tattoo, something that looks like it was drawn on with a box of Crayola’s, that reads “Pork Fried Rice”, I knew it was a shitty joke on us and that the tattoo is faker than her tits, because the reality is that I’ve seen better fake tattoos on poor kids covered in dirt at the local fair and you know they don’t have a budget to trick us into thinkin’ that panther on their chest is real….

Sure people get ugly tattoos all the time, and sure they get Chinese symbols that don’t translate into what they think theyt translates into because the people getting Chinese character tattoos are usually clueless, yes I am talking to you, and they people giving them their shitty tattoos are usually trashy beer drinking bikers who they met at a flea market. I have seen this happen so many fuckin times, but never so big and obvious so I call lie on this shit. Not to mention Ashton’s fame died about 3 years ago and the only people he can easily recruit to do his shitty show are either friends or people starved for attention aching to be legitimately famous and who are willing to do anything to get there…someone like Audrina.

Either way, fake or not, shit’s still fuckin ugly but not as ugly as these pictures of Audrina as a Pussycat Doll because it is all her rich kid ass is good for….

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|Pussycat Doll|Tattoo

2008

28

Mar

Audrina Patridge Gets a Tattoo Cuz She’s Hardcore of the Day

7 Comments »

Audrina Patridge is hanging with the wrong crowd. Her candy coated rich kid upbringing kept her on the rich side of the tracks. You know with tennis lessons and summer camp and luxury cars and now she’s trying to give the finger to her family by hanging with some big breasted, tattooed, lesbian biker chick. In trying to keep up with her new crew, she’s decided that the only way to get respect from them is to go out and get a gang tattoo on her wrist, potentially the best club slut place to get a tattoo, the only thing worse than that shit is if bitch gets it in white ink and it’s a playboy bunny or the Chanel logo or some stupid saying in another language or some shit, like every stripper dreams of getting. I guess it’s not her fault she’s trying harder than the rich Jewish girl I met getting pierced and changed out of her Jewish Girl outfit of the day, and rocked leather and tight jeans like it was halloween and she was actually hardcore and not a spoiled brat. The only hope we have is that the needle is tainted and she gets herself some AIDS and the good news is that she’s enough of a slut to make that happen on her own, without dirty needles. Either way, she’s got good cleavage so stare at it a bit, like you were there…..

UPDATE Ashton Kutcher’s stupid show can’t lure anyone high profile to fuck with the media and this is his genius idea of tricking the media into writing about some no name d-list slut so that he can get the last lame laugh. If this is a segment on the show, dude needs some better writers because I am not posting it cuz I care she’s getting a tattoo, I am writing it cuz her tits are busting out of her shirt….

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|cleavage|Tattoo

2008

14

Mar

Mena Suvari’s Lame Lesbian Tattoo of the Day

18 Comments »

So Mena Suvari is a lesbian and this is her tattoo…it says Word, Sound and Power, in the event you don’t know how to read, which is pretty fucking possible considering the shit I attract to this site. Now for those of you who don’t know, Word, Sound and Power was some Reggae band in the 70s/80s and there was a movie about them that played at all art-house movie theaters in the 80s. I watched a documentary on the late night feature and this one was almost as popular as Rocky Horror Picture show. I guess it changed Mena Suvari’s life or some shit because she got it permanently branded on her back. Who knows, maybe they paid her to do it for the DVD release or some shit.

This is a lot like the time I convinced a whore I was fucking and who actually fell in love with me because whores turn out to be pretty vulnerable and always fall for the first guy who doesn’t ask them to insert things in their assholes, to tattoo my name on her pussy mound, knowing I was going to dump her a few weeks later, but just because I thought it was only fair to brand myself on her for life, like she branded me for live with the herpes virus. I also figured that I could become a local legend by using her pussy as a marketing tool, like some kind of billboard that all the Johns she’d later end up fucking for money would askwho this “Jesus Martinez” motherfucker on her pussy mound was leading her to tell the story of how I broke her heart and was the one who got away….

I guess Mena Suvari’s tattoo is not really like that story at all, and more like you getting your favorite band branded on you for life because their songs move you so much, only difference is that Mena Suvari’s getting pussy in all this and you’re not….

Posted in:cleavage|Mena Suvari|Tattoo

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