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Lauren Conrad Does the Lohan of the Day

If you know anything about young girls in Hollywood, you know that when they are wasted, they always leave the club with their head aimed to the ground and their hair in their face. I guess it’s because no matter how fucked up their insecure selves are, they always manage to remember to never let a paparazzi get a shot of their face, because when a girl is drunk, she ususally isn’t lookin her best. Which is weird because young girls in Hollywood never seem to remember to use condoms when they are drunk, which I guess is good news for the manufacturers of the Valtrex and the morning after pill,

Unfortunately, the drunk girls I know are a little more embarrassing than their Hollywood counterparts. You know, if they aren’t passed out in the fucking corner letting me finger bang them because they don’t know I am finger banging them, but technically, I’m not violating them, since they never say no and we all know that if they don’t say no then they aren’t totally against what you’re doing to them, then their causing scenes, screaming at bouncers or random people, pissing on the side of the street, or desperately trying to get their fat asses fucked by any guy willing to take them home and when their puke covered dresses get ignored, they end up crying and hating themselves more than they did before they started drinking.

Either way, it’s not news that Lauren Conrad likes to drink, I mean if you were here, you probably would be medicated too, it’s pretty much the only way you could live with yourself for being a lying joke of a celebrity and I call this drunken celebrity dance The Lohan.

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Posted in:Drunk|Lauren Conrad|Lohan