I always like watching middle-aged women trying to relive their youth. I was walking down the street the other day and saw some annoying mother with her two tween daughters wearing the same fucking outfit. They all had tights, UGGS, cellphones with decorative bullshit on them and were all drinking an iced coffee drink from Starbucks like they were Hayden Panettiere, who by the way, I decided to mention in every post today. They were all talking like annoying fucking teenage girls and for some reason, it made me want to take the mom’s virginity, even though it was long gone.
I was at a bar the other day and saw a group of older bitches trying to rock out to Soulja Boy. They were laughing and having a good time, which was good because based on their looks they didn’t have much else going for them and it was nice to see that despite their shortcomings and bad aging, they could still have a good time. I don’t think they had any idea what the Soulja Boy song or the dance was, but they were wasted and looking for husbands. It was funny realizing that I am the same age as they are but I am way more in tune with pop culture….I got my finger on the pulse of that shit thanks to the internet being my social life and everyone knows that doing an old lady dirty get me pregnant so I can have meaning in my useless lonely one night stand filled life old lady dance to Soulja Boy just doesn’t fly, like Superman….Crank Dat.
Either way, here is Heidi Klum back on the runway for her Project Runway show, that I like to call the retirement plan, because bitch is too old to model, but still looks better than you do when you put on your mom’s heels and pose in front of the mirror, fruitcake.