I tried to convince a teenage girl to let me film her eating her Dairy Queen soft serve the other day. I told her that I wanted to put it on the internet and make her famous, at first she was excited about it, but then I accidentally tried selling her on the fact that tons of old men would totally be jerking off to it, something I probably should have kept to myself until after we made the video.

The truth is that getting off to a girl eating ice cream is pretty fucking desperate. It’s the shit pedophiles do everytime they go to the ice cream parlor to scope out hot new pussy (literally) multiple times a day and it seems pretty fucking creepy to do when you’re older and watching girls your own age do that shit. You all think it’s this whole simulated blowjob shit, but we all know if Heidi was really trying to show us how she sucks cock, she would have chosen chocolate ice cream.

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Ice Cream|Licking