Ice Cream Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2010

24

May

Heidi Montag’s Stupid Fake Tits Eat Ice Cream of the Day

Here are some pictures of Heidi Montag feeding her new tits ice cream. It’s obviously a publcity stunt because she knows that pictures of her emotionally eating two servings of ice cream while showing off her new stupid tits are enough to get the paparazzi excited, and apparently, it’s enough to get you excited, cuz it’s far more entertaining than standing outside your ice cream shop staring at the fat mom’s and white trash stuffing their gutter faces….that’s not to say Heidi isn’t trash, it’s to say tits are hotter than the tattooed up sloppy shit with their gutter kids that I am going to spend my afternoon staring at….cuz licking ice cream is a fetish, except when the licking is done by an old queeny fag on the boardwalk I saw yesterday who I am pretty sure thought he was sucking a young vibrant cock while rocking a boner in his short shorts leaving everyone around him feeling pretty fucking uncomfortable….it is hot outside and there is no reason for me to be inside…especially since I hate my wife’s heavy breathing and the smell of this but I also hate giving Heidi Montag any fucking attention…Good thing no one reads this site…

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Fake Tits|Heidi Montag|Ice Cream

2009

04

Dec

Cameron Diaz and Her Ice Cream Cone of the Day

4 Comments »

With a title like Cameron Diaz and her Ice Cream Cone, you’d expect something a little more perverted that her making some stupid fucking face like some kind of fucking clown at the fucking park trying to make little kids laugh and have a good time like some kind of fucking pervert who should be locked while actually scaring the fucking shit out of them cuz no one likes fucking clowns…..

See I expected her to be sucking the shit, or at least have it dripping off her hispanic lips and down her hispanic chin dripping into her cleavage like shit was mainlined out of Justin Timberlake’s ball sack cuz he is the last celebrity I remember hearing about her fucking, not that it mattters, if anything if these pictures were any good, you coulda pretended that you were the source for the mess on her face, but instead it is this bullshit that doesn’t make for an erotic of an experience as hanging outside the ice cream parlor on a hot summer date, but I guess disappointment is what Cameron Diaz does these days….

Pics via INF

Posted in:Cameron Diaz|Ice Cream

2009

16

Jul

Pam Anderson Eating Ice Cream in a Bikini of the Day

22 Comments »

I know a maintenance man in Boston who was at working at some conference and Pam Anderson was one of the “stars” who was there promoting some bullshit product and doing some autograph signing/meet and greet/ anything for money and dude told me she looked like a haggard piece of expired meat you find in the back of your fridge, not sure if you’ll die if you eat it, so you just throw it out and this motherfucker is known to have pretty bad fuckin’ taste in women, making me think the disgusting mess you see in these pictures, is only a fraction of the disgusting mess she actually is, as pictures tend to know show off the plastic surgery scar or scent of AIDS.

I am not sure why she’s with some chachi 14 year old soccer lookin’ dude, maybe it’s her son with Tommy Lee, who is clearly really fuckin’ rock and roll, like his dumpster parents, I mean if rock and roll was Homosexulaity on the beaches of Greece…

Here she is at some Press Conference….and by “she” I mean here are her hard nipples at a Press Conference….

Posted in:Bikini|Ice Cream|Pam Anderson

2009

23

Mar

Katy Perry Licks Ice Cream and She Liked it…A Little Too Much… of the Day

4 Comments »

Based on Katy Perry’s body type, I figure she likes licking ice cream more than she likes shoving her tongue down other girl’s throats, because she’s fat.

Despite popular belief, that’s got nothing to do with her being ugly, it just adds a little more reason to hate her and her success…

Posted in:Ice Cream|Katy Perry|Lick

2008

27

Oct

I am – Not this Ice Cream Truck Driver of the Day

6 Comments »

With a name like DrunkenStepfather and content like mine, that sometimes makes sexual references to 16 year old girls who look like the mature kind of 16 year olds who are out giving blowjobs already, I do not promote sex offenders. Sure 14 is legal in Canada, or at least in my part of Canada, so I’ve never broken any laws in regards to the shit, but I am also a firm believer that if you aren’t 18, you should not be taking pictures of you topless, in your bra, doing amateur porn or any of that shit, because it always gets out there and it makes me a criminal for watching it. I never ask girls who are under 18 for nude pictures, or to get nude, even if they are drunk in a club and starving for male attention. So this ice cream truck driver is not me, despite what a reader who emailed me thought.

For the record, if I was a sex offender, I would be way more creative to get girls to flash me than to offer them ice cream or ask them to come to my van to check out my puppies, that shit’s too cliche, I’d just promise to introduce them to Miley Cyrus, but in his defense, he seems to be from Africa and in Africa girls are married and having kids by the time they are 13, or at least that’s what I’ve been told.

Posted in:Ice Cream|Pedophile

2008

16

Oct

Miley Cyrus’ Boyfriends Gives Her a Little Ice Cream of the Day

2 Comments »

Tuesday night, Miley Cyrus went to do a staged candid photoshoot at a Milkshake joint owned by a Paparazzi and I posted the video of Billy Ray Cyrus feeding Miley her ice cream yesterday.

What I didn’t realize is that she was there with her 20 year old boyfriend, doing normal 16 year old girl things like going to the ice cream parlor getting some milkshakes, before she can bring her milkshake, that she’s been practicing on all the suits over at Disney, to the backseat and to good use on 20 year old fame fuckers. So as he feeds her like she is his little baby, and she takes it in, not realizing he’s got other plans for her to take things in later that night, but the statutory rape only starts after they sit around talking about boys, music and shopping while doing each other’s hair for a couple hours, so it’s not as predatorial as you may think. I hear next week, he’s going to teach her how to drive stick, if you know what I mean and in his defense, I am still trying to have sex with sixteen year old girls, that’s why I applied for a job at a driving school a few months ago, but I didn’t get it because having sex with sixteen year old girls is the wrong answer when they ask you why you want the job.

Update: Here’s a Video of Annoyingly Useless and Far Too Rich and Relevant Miley Cyrus Watching Her Model Boyfriend at the Ed Hardy Fashion Show, It turns out they were eating Non-Fat Frozen Yogurt, because they are both little girls…Just look how smitten Miley gets when he prances around on stage, if you listen hard enough, you can hear her ovary drop, I think she’s primed and ready….

Posted in:Boyfriend|Ice Cream|Miley Cyrus|Slut

2008

01

Aug

Kim Kardashian Eating Ice Cream of the Day

21 Comments »

Kim Kardashian is maintaining her obesity that’s made her desirable to perverts everywhere by eating ice cream. She’s broken down all the stereotypes that you need an eating disorder to get guys horny, one burger at a time. I find the whole thing a disgusting mess, but that’s only because I live with the pain and suffering caused by obesity and I’d hate her to give girls the wrong idea, that it’s okay to feed their emotional eating, but the sad truth is that not all girls will gain weight the same way as this pig. I guess none of that matters and what does matter is that getting off to these pics of a whore eating ice cream is a lot less dangerous than getting off to girls eating ice cream outside your local ice cream shop, mainly because Kim Kardashian isn’t 7.

Posted in:Ice Cream|Kim Kardashian

2008

09

Jul

Heidi Klum Licking Ice Cream of the Day

4 Comments »

I tried to convince a teenage girl to let me film her eating her Dairy Queen soft serve the other day. I told her that I wanted to put it on the internet and make her famous, at first she was excited about it, but then I accidentally tried selling her on the fact that tons of old men would totally be jerking off to it, something I probably should have kept to myself until after we made the video.

The truth is that getting off to a girl eating ice cream is pretty fucking desperate. It’s the shit pedophiles do everytime they go to the ice cream parlor to scope out hot new pussy (literally) multiple times a day and it seems pretty fucking creepy to do when you’re older and watching girls your own age do that shit. You all think it’s this whole simulated blowjob shit, but we all know if Heidi was really trying to show us how she sucks cock, she would have chosen chocolate ice cream.

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Ice Cream|Licking

2007

09

Oct

I am – Hilary Duff Eating Ice Cream of the Day

No Comments »

These pictures remind me of a time my stepdaughter was still young and vibrant, before she became a cocksucking club slut and taking her out to get ice cream was all she needed to know that her stepfather cared, what she didn’t realize was that I was too distracted to listen to her lame fucking stories about her friends and her day, by lookin at the 18 year old girls and new moms sucking their ice cream cones while imagining it was a cock, but not just any cock, my cock.

Unfortunately, my fat wife has ruined this ice cream fantasy for me by eating a tub of the shit every couple of days in one sitting. I just sit and watch her go at that motherfucker like it’s her last meal and see her slowly get fatter and fatter and realize why people who work in ice cream shops don’t eat the shit ever because of how disgusting it is.

I guess watching Hilary Duff eat ice cream is interesting for some of you perverts who are into watching girls with horse heads eat ice cream, but I am more interested in the diary she has stuck to her wrist. Could she be writing a book or a movie, or is she just writing about her useless day like keeping track of how many tampons she’s gone through, or maybe even how many dudes tried to stick their dick in her that week.

I guess none of that matters and you should just watch the creamy white drip down her chin, you sick fuck.