I have this fantasy of lesbian slumber parties that involves a group of teenage girls having pillow fights in their boyshort underwear because I am fucking cliche and that’s what lesbian slumber parties are all about. You know that whole experimental bullshit where you can sit around the next day and giggle about how dykey you were the night before, but halfway into the fantasy that Katy Perry song comes on and I look to find the asshole who turned it on and it’s fucking’ Samantha Ronson in her hat djing the lesbian slumber party event, forcing me to jump off of the tree branch I am perched on, where I am peeping in on the lesbian slumber party because I wasn’t invited since I have a cock and because I am an old pervert who scares teenage girls having pillow fights in their boyshort underwear.

I feel like Lohan and Samantha Ronson’s slumber parties aren’t as eventful as the lesbian slumber parties I dream about, but I wouldn’t mind seeing it.

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