AnnaLynne McCord is perfect to start my hungover Friday with, because before being a married miserable old fuck, I used to get pussy, and often times that pussy was girls I was too drunk to really realize just how ugly they were, and often times I’d be with friends, who I’d consult with before taking them back to my single, sheetless mattress in the corner of my friend’s bedroom I used to live on, and most of the times, they’d hype her up and tell me she was good to go and that if I backed out now, I was faggot. So I’d go home, I’d do whatever it is I’d do to them, and I’d wake up only to realize that all that hype was fucking lies, and that my friends weren’t really friends at all…they just wanted me to go home with the girl with one-eye, or the girl with a patch of green fungus on her cheek and a variety of other seriously disgusting shit I would have hated myself for, if I didn’t hate myself already and think the whole thing was funny.

What I am trying to say is, this bitch is all hype, there’s nothing about her that warrants me or anyone else talking about her, sure she’s skinny and has a big Julia Roberts mouth you can shove your fist in while fucking her up the ass, but everything else about her fuckin’ sucks, especially the fact that she thinks she’s fucking famous. I hate her….

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Annalynne McCord|Ugly