If you’re wondering why I am so slow moving today, it’s because there’s a huge snowstorm here and the roads are fuckin’ shit. Traffic everywhere and it put a damper on me walking my half naked fat body from my bed to the chair I sit on all day. I’m a pussy like that.

Speaking of vagina, here are some pictures of Tara Reid in a bikini, and it can only assumed that her pussy smells like whiskey and that is a huge turn on for me. Tara Reid is one of those drunks who can keep shit together, because her job isn’t really a job, since she hasn’t worked in a long time, when the rest of us with real jobs always end up getting caught wasted and then fired, not that I have a real job, but a boy’s allowed to pretend, this is the Internet. That doesn’t mean I respect her for holding it together but she’s kinda like a hero to drunk people everywhere.

I am into Tara Reid because I think she looks good compared all the drunken chicks I’ve come across. I like skinny blonde chicks who are drunk, but that’s just because a common theme in my sex life was that I could only fuck fat drunk girls with slopy tits, so she’d be a step up. Her fake tits aren’t as offensive as the ones I can afford to grab at the strip club, making her a potential candidate for my K-Fed retirement plan, because anyone who can afford to travel the world with a purse handler and spend her days in bikinis can afford to support me but that’s because I’m pretty cheap.

I have no idea why she’s wearing 2 different bikinis, but I can only assume it’s because she shit herself. It happens.

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I like Tara Reid because I feel like we have a lot in common. The only difference is that she’s got a budget to afford some dude to carry around her boots and purse after she gets a drunken pedicure, when I have to convince old ladies to let me carry their purses, so that I can run off with them and hope there’s enough cash to get me my next drink.

Reality is, nothing says I have a pussy or I have no self respect than getting paid to carry a girl’s fucking purse. I know you all probably kiss the ground that any girl who talks to you walks on, but that’s just because you’re a desperate loser and are scared of being alone. See, I’ve got no shame, but I still wouldn’t lower myself to doing that shit for anyone. I get mad enough at my wife when she asks me to take out the garbage or carry her grocery bags . I don’t feel like I have a vagina, even though every girl I ever got with felt like I had a vagina, so feel like I shouldn’t feel like a bitch.