So I get one TV channel, and that TV channel happens to have the Canadian rights to American Idol. I also have one shitty TV and two step-daughters, who watch American Idol. I am usually drunk on the couch by 8 pm, so I watch it. The reason I am drunk at 8 pm is cuz I start drinking around now. The point of the post is to say Kellie Pickler is jokes. She can barely sing, she looks good enough, she’s white trash and poor, has a daddy in jail and a momma dead, a sick grandaddy and bitch doesn’t know what calamars is….I am a fucking drunken, useless mexican piece of shit…and I know what calamars is….anyway these are her highschool prom pics, dressed like some kind of slut, I guess she’s lucky Idol hit, cuz the rest of the girls in her town are already knocked up and ready to drop….poor bitches don’t like to wait too long after their 16th birthday before having babies. That’s my story that’s not really a story. I am useless right now.

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I am not a porn site. I have defended myself over over again, and for some reason it’s always the same people who hate on me. These people are usually Jewish and Virgins and scared of the word FUCK or CUNT. I do however visit porn sites because I like watching girls get fucked, and by fucked I mean with penis, with toes, with mouth or by their fucking self. When I look for porn I use Booble.com, it’s a search engine that was bought by AOL, for more info click the link.

New York, April 1, 2006 – Time Warner (NYSE TW) announced today it was spinning off its AOL Online subsidiary in an all stock transaction with privately held Booble.com. Booble founder and CEO, Bob Smart will take the reins of the combined company, which will henceforth be known as AOOL.

I don’t care about business movers and shakers, but when mainstream goes to porn, it gives us more hope here at Stepfather, and by we I mean me. Cuddles.

Visit Booble Here

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A few years ago, I used to work in a Drug Store. I was the stock clerk. Meaning I was pretty much the underpaid bitch who helped old ladies bring their bags to their cars for a quarter, I also got to stock the shelves, and use the price gun, but only when they trusted me enough to…it was like some stock clerk hierarchy….and my boss took his useless job too fucking seriously. I understand, people need to feel important/proud of what they do, otherwise there is no point living. Truth is when you are a career stockclerk, there really is no point in living.

Point of my story is there was once a Turkish Muslim cab driver who came into the store and we started chatting about sex. He told me that when he was 16 he couldn’t fuck girls or jerk off cuz of his religion. So he would get together with his boys and fuck the shit out of one of their dogs. He was laughing because one of his friends got stuck in the dog when it was his turn. Fucking Kelly Osborne would probably the equivalent of this muslim tradition, only in the Kelly Osborne version they’d be fucking a pig, even though that’s against their religion. I don’t think fucking a dog or a pig is right, I am just telling you the fucking story he told me to bring the point home that Kelly is a fucking ditch-pig, and she should stand up proud, that slouching slag.

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I want to point out that I don’t judge Paris for having Herpes. I read a long time ago that it was finally out in the open and I decided that when she officially came out with her STD, I would stop rippin’ into her dried up diseased cooch. The reason being that it is funny to laugh at people who put themselves at risk of STDs, like having unprotected sex with dirtbags like the dude in her sex tape. I don’t think it’s funny to laugh at people who actually land the disease, ultimately because the jokes on them…for the rest of their life, they’ll be tending to that shit, and we can all laugh to ourselves.

That said. This bitch is all over the fucking place lately, there are pics of her in LA yesterday, these are pics of her in Miami 4 days ago, and I even saw pics of her filming for Simple Life, god fuckin’ knows where. I have enough trouble leaving my house and walking to the store to buy a coffee sometimes I have to see doctors, therapists, immigration people and it’s a fucking struggle. I guess there’s nothing funny in that. It’s just sad…but sad is the new happy, go fuck yourself.

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Her name is Dolores de Muela, she is a burlesque dancer or some shit at some wrestling ring, where chicks fight and dance…. I like burlesque dancers and circus freaks and carnivals. I saw this trend coming years ago, I knew it would be popular because I am an unofficial trendspotter, but that’s not the point, the point is this burlesque dancing mexican vixen messaged me on myspace saying:

i looooooooove your site. I was turned on to it a year and a half ago when I interned at ET. Everyone in the news room adores it 🙂

UPDATE:
when i was interning at the ET news room I was always sent to run things to the studio. Twice I had to run over some ex-lax to paula abdul. It was a great internship. I learned a lot.

I don’t know what ET she’s talking about, but if it is Entertainment Tonight, I want to call those newsroom cocksuckers out and get them to plug me on their show. I have always had a thing for Mary Hart, and I always wanted to titty fuck her legs, until recent years, when she got fat, but I’d still do it….because sometimes fantasies never die. Say something like “According to DrunkenStepfather.com Lindsay Lohan Has Aids” or something…..

Back to my Burlesque myspace girlfriend, who I love and want to book to perform at the StepPARTY then impregnate her when she’s not looking, by cumming on her costume or something cuz she’d never sleep with me….dude, I am witnessing myself crash and burn…so read her story, it’s time for me to stop.

My father (god rest his soul) was the head captain of the best shrimp boat in Guadalajara. One Monday he cast his net and caught an astonishing 820 pounds of tiger shrimp. As he was empting out his net he looked down and noticed a beautiful sparkly shrimp. His eyes met her beady little eyes and his lips were magically drawn to her wet little antennas. It was shrimpy love at first sight! Days later the little shrimp became pregnant with me and my 1,999 little sisters. Unfortunately, the 1,999 others did not survive delivery. Ashamed and despaired they eloped and joined “Manuelito’s Fabuloso Circo de Pulgas” (Manuel’s Fabulous Flea Circus). For only in the circus were people kind, accepting, and willing to shell out big bucks to look at us. My family and I traveled the world as, “The man who married a shrimp and their lovechild”. I spent my mid-late-teen years performing and dancing shrimpily to audiences of all ages. Since my mother lived in a glass bowl on a shelf… I looked to strippers and trapeze artists for motherly advice. It was from them where, I learned how to shimmy, shake, and get down.

Visit her MySpace, Add her, make her famous, tell her I love her but don’t knock her up, that womb is mine….HERE

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coming….

goin’…

I don’t know how I feel about naked 50 year old bitches, even if they look good for 50, they are still 50. Do you realize how many yeast infections, pairs of underwear, cocks, mouths that pussy has seen?? I can only assume that it’s more than someone who is 30, at least that’s my theory, and my theories don’t need to make sense, because I am writing this and you aren’t.

Start your own blog asshole. Apparantly, my telling my readers to fuck off is getting boring a repetitive, I only say it cuz I mean it. I know expressing yourself can get boring fast, that’s why I don’t let people talk to me about their feelings… so if I bore you, leave because I got bigger issues to deal with with, like Sharon Stone showing up at Letterman last night, with her jacket inside out, but leaves with it done up right. I am guessing she’s protecting herself from the Fur Hater people, who are fucking annoying hippy assholes. I don’t wear fur, but I still hate them, and anyone else who’s trying to fight a useless cause. Chinchillas are happier being an expensive coat that useless rat-like animal that does nothing. Let people like Sharon Stone and her dried up pussy show up somewhere without having to wear a $5,000 jacket inside out….because this bitch could own your NYU ass…

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coming….

goin’…

I don’t know how I feel about naked 50 year old bitches, even if they look good for 50, they are still 50. Do you realize how many yeast infections, pairs of underwear, cocks, mouths that pussy has seen?? I can only assume that it’s more than someone who is 30, at least that’s my theory, and my theories don’t need to make sense, because I am writing this and you aren’t.

Start your own blog asshole. Apparantly, my telling my readers to fuck off is getting boring a repetitive, I only say it cuz I mean it. I know expressing yourself can get boring fast, that’s why I don’t let people talk to me about their feelings… so if I bore you, leave because I got bigger issues to deal with with, like Sharon Stone showing up at Letterman last night, with her jacket inside out, but leaves with it done up right. I am guessing she’s protecting herself from the Fur Hater people, who are fucking annoying hippy assholes. I don’t wear fur, but I still hate them, and anyone else who’s trying to fight a useless cause. Chinchillas are happier being an expensive coat that useless rat-like animal that does nothing. Let people like Sharon Stone and her dried up pussy show up somewhere without having to wear a $5,000 jacket inside out….because this bitch could own your NYU ass…

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I used to do a feature called Sexual Restraint of the Day, it was never very popular, and I don’t think they ever got a single comment on them, so doing one today just felt right. I can relate to the underdog. I don’t have any fetishes because I am too busy sitting on my couch to think about things that turn me on, but if I wasn’t a fat lazy impotent piece of shit, I would be down with Medical Restraints. It’s for the EMS worker in all of us, you know first to the scene of the accident kind of thing…wipe off the blood and get to work kind of thing, strap a bitch down rip off her shirt and give her CPR kind of thing, stick it inside her on the way to the hospital cuz there’s just enough time to get off kind of thing. There is nothing really wrong with doing that, you saved her life, if it wasn’t for you she’d be dead, so you kind of own her and let’s face it, she can’t really say no anyway.

My suggestion for you is to introduce this shit on your first date, the bitch won’t think you’re strange, and if she asks you to drive her home, immediately, you know what to do, (slam your car into a tree) and remember you can always get a new car…and you have the perfect opportunity to use the brace. I think you were a perfect gentleman, you gave her to the option to participate in your game voluntarily, it’s her fault for not cooperating.

Wow, this post should make everyone think I am a sexual predator, it’s funny how easy that was to do.

Cervical Collar and Spine Immobilizer

This is a medical head and spinal immobilizer system. It comes with a large 4 1/4 inch high Cervical Collar and a spine immobilizer unit that is designed to fit with the cervical collar. No cervical collar alone provides sufficient immobilization. The body immobilizer applies support for the cervical spine. Velcro wrist restraints are provided to keep hands restrained at chest area. This is a very restrictive, impressive device. Comes complete with instruction manual.

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