Ya’ll know that I am a big fan of the hilariousness of the celebrity spawns. Some are far less annoying, dare I say even cool, because they’ve been raised in this bubble…while others are the fucking worst.

Maya Hawke sort of walks that FINE line of she could be garbage, but she’s got tits, which alone give her a level of entitlement in everything she does, amplified by her dad being legend Ethan Hawke and her mom being Man Hand Uma Thurman, I guess also a legend whether I thought she was worth jerking off to over the years or not is pretty irrelevant.

That said, Maya’s got that entitlement you’d expect to be an actress too, maybe she’s been trained to act by her parents who probably are irritating types that think acting is a legit talent and skill set, rather just nonsense…that I am sure is VERY easy to do when you get over the whole being shy from feeling like a total asshole trying to act.

So, the girl who’s lived a life none of us understand is acting, trying to make a name for herself, using her dad’s last name while doing it, and more importantly, she’s being put to good use, since her best physical trait is her tits, so they’ve got her out here with her tits out…

Under the circumstances, she doesn’t annoy me.

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Maya Hawke thinks her opinion matters. That usually happens when you’re an entitled white kid in your early 20s. That cunt behavior gets amplified when you’re from LA, and even more aggressive when you’re raised by legit celebs. She is raised by legit celebs, some Uma Thurman and her man hands held this one as they weened her off the breast that Tarantino wanted to titty fuck, as Ethan Hawke watched…

The point is that I realize young people, especially now are dumber than ever, despite the information they have access to. They are lazy, their news comes from memes, they can’t see past their own reflection in their selfie camera, and their political stances are some recycled concepts that have little or no value, because they are all barely high school educated.

Why learn things when you can just get acting jobs because of your parents like the dumb cunt you are…

These idiots don’t understand sarcasm, their humor is shit, their ideals and inclusion and diversity unfounded and racist in an of itself, they are elitists who don’t know they are elitists and their attempt to monetize themselves reminds us that despite their upbriging, they are all whores…

ANYWAY…in a recent interview she had because of who her parents are…that’s the only reason anyone cares about this “a little too Ethan”…looking trash from Once Upon a Time in Hollywood…I wonder how she got that…maybe it had something to do with Quentin knowing her since he tried titty fucking her mom while she was breastfeeding her.

The takeaway is a blanket statement about her generation, assuming she interacts with anyone who is outside her LA entitled scene….

And she said:

“We’re just so annoyed at our parents’ generation. They had it so easy. They were all just high and driving around in cool, gas-guzzling cars. Destroying our environment … and having no wars, and no plagues and no pandemics”…

Like kids these days have it so hard? Yeah, we didn’t have the pandemic, but we have it now…big fucking deal you have to sit at home for a month, doing what you already do…

The best is that her parents were just getting high and driving around in cool cars which destroyed the environment!!!! SO THAT IS HOW THAT HAPPENED…I think it probably started before her 50 year old parents in the 90s….

Then her idea of being 20 is also fucking dumb:

“We’re in our 20s, we’re supposed to be having fun, and doing drugs and partying. But instead … We’re going to SoulCycle and trying to outlive our planet. We have a horrible president, and it’s just really irritating. They really f–ked us.”

I mean..we don’t need to dissect that…but when you see a SoulCycle shout out when implying 20 year olds don’t party or do drugs…and that they are all objects of healthy and hot for any reason beyond vanity and narcissism…..

Guess what, 20 year olds are all partying and doing drugs during and FUCKING during the pandemic…it’s very clear to see she’s a fucking idiot and should keep her cunt mouth shut…

Plus if she wanted to SAVE the planet…she could start with killing herself..overpopulation you know….

Or you can CANCEL THIS BITCH…she’s not even hot…and for the record, I like Ethan Hawke….he just raises dog shit.

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Maya Hawke is what happens when Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman were practicing the withdrawal method and failed….or MAYBE she’s a product of an IUD miracle child, that happens sometimes to those with creampie fetishes because breeding is what they are coded to do, so sex without internal cumshot isn’t sex worth having…or maybe she was part of their family planning because they felt that together their love was so strong a child would be the logical addition to their loving home…only for them to end up in divorce like all great love stories…

Not that any of that matters, this isn’t about Maya’s origin story, but rather that she’s posting up pics of herself in what looks like the position to be cummed inside herself, you know “easter” themed hipster porn…before the porn happens…looking for a creampie of her own….the only thing getting in the way of all that is them pants…it’s like bitch is staging an easter egg hunt of her own while spreading her legs like they want to stop the spread of COVID….

My takeaway is that this is a bit too real, too “freshly woken up”…..but she’s rich and has nothing to prove so take it in.

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Maya Thurman Hawke is what happens when Ethan Hawke cums inside Uma Thurman’s ass, and due to a proliferation in her rectum that we’ll blame Weinstein and Tarantino for, one sperm landed on her prostate and found it’s way to a uterus that she didn’t know she had, but hoped she had, which is why she chose to live her life as a woman and not a man. Jamie Lee Curtis phenomenom if you will.

I know what you’re thinking…and that is that UMA can’t be a man, how would that make sense, especially considering you’ve jacked off to her, but clearly you’ve never looked at her hands…maybe because she doesn’t want you to…but google that shit, they big.

Anyway, that cum turned into Maya Hawke, and she’s got big tits, and is in Stranger Things, because life is hard when you’re a celebrity’s kid, or in her case 2 celebrity’s kid. They just get thrown into acting jobs real actors want but can’t have because they aren’t celebrity kids.

At least she’s got big tits to justify that decision of giving her work instead of someone actually deserving of that work….

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Maya Hawke is the trending reminder that 22 years ago UMA THURMAN and ETHAN HAWKE had a kid. It’s a relationship I completely forgot about because I don’t give a fuck about celebrity gossip, which is funny considering what I do everyday on this dumb fucking site, but that’s just because of a series of bad decisions that got me here, and a lack of opportunity to get me out of here….

But in all the disappointment that is running an irrelevant celebrity titty blog I’ve found my new passions, which is celebrity kids, the products that crawl out of the cunt of celebrities, who are celebrities by default, born into it…but who possess none of the talent, skill, or effort that requires becoming a celebrity. Just sort of falling into it and mattering because you were born into it…and that’s funny to me.

So why Maya Hawke is out here posing in her underwear is just funny to me, sure she’s got titties, but we got no business seeing those titties, yet here we are looking at her in her underwear…I can say that if I remembered a pregnant Uma Thurman, because even in Pulp Fiction (RIP WEINSTEIN THE VICTIM AND THE RAPIST), I wouldn’t have imagines that her kid would be trying to get clout getting naked online, I would have expected her to be a little less on the internet getting half naked for attention, but the power of getting naked for attention always wins.

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Posted in:maya hawke