Olivia Cockburn Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2025

17

Jun

Olivia Cockburn’s Ass Burn of the Day

Olivia Wilde was born Olivia Cockburn, but burning cocks wasn’t necessarily as artistic sounding as Wilde. So she went with Wilde. Some would say it was a bit of a porn name, maybe a stripper stage name, but I guess one could argue that being a Hollywood fixture would require both stripping and pornographic acting off camera to get what they want done.

Cockburn, who is on vacation, wore a bikini that didn’t cover her trashy prison tattoo on her ass.

It’s one of those poor decisions when you are younger that doesn’t age very well, no matter how much fitness the granny-aged woman does. It is actually a great way to make any ass look disgusting….

More interestingly, she has some kind of rash on the ass crack, where you may discern that she was fucked right proper, or that she has a skin disorder, maybe shingles. It could be a vaccine injury, or maybe her ass just rubs together when she walks….it could be violent high acidic diarrhea burning the skin…but whatever it is, she may want to have a doctor figure it out for her, it looks like it needs a salve or some ointment….or your mouth…..like a dog licking a wound….you’re ready to handle this ass crack with tenderness and care….you are the Florence Nightengale to ass cracks…

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Posted in:Olivia Cockburn

2023

31

Aug

Olivia Wilde the Pervert of the Day

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Cockburn wants you to know that you can’t get pregnant by spit, which is technically not entirely true, because after Harry Styles holds a huge load in his mouth, before spitting it into her gaping cunt, like one of those cherub fountains you see at rich Italian people’s homes, only to have a steady stream of said spit land on the cervix excited to journey through the cavernous nightmare that is Cockburn’s womb, you know like a scary Disney ride by the vagina version….she could theoretically get pregnant….but her old age won’t let her…

So yeah, she’s not entirely accurate in her weirdly unfunny sleazy “I have sex and like my pussy eaten” shirt, because celebrities are lame…..but she finds it funny, so when whores are softly advertising they like being whores, or like sex, because everyone likes sex, even rape victims, meaning it’s not that impressive….I’ll post it…because I am not that impressive either….far less impressive than Cockburn the big time director….probably because I lack the mysterious pussy machine she uses to get where she’s got..

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Posted in:Olivia Cockburn|Olivia Wilde

2022

07

Dec

Olivia Cockburn Got Them Nipples Out of the Day

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I remember Olivia Cockburn from The O.C., which I have watched on one of the steamers in the last year and thought it was a masterpiece….I used to watch it when it came out because from my shitty memory, it came on Thursday night and despite being about 35 years old at the time (so was Cockburn), I’d spend my Thursday nights drinking at some college Lady’s night that had really cheap drinks and a bunch of college girls, which I guess would be seen as creepy if you’re boring or bitterly married at 35 and not into trying to fuck college girls, but yeah, watching the OC as my pre-game drinking was my way of fitting into the crowd unsuspected….it was my “hello fellow college kids” hustle that never got me laid…..

Anyway, Olivia Cockburn was the least interesting thing on that show and she’s consistently been boring, over hyped, short legged and missing the mark on hot….

From marrying and breeding with that terrible Sudeikis dude who you’d need to be a total psychopath to hang out with for more than 5 minutes, to homewrecking to fuck a gay dude in One Direction, only to be dumped and now forced to go out with her tits out, in a “LOOK I HAVE NIPPLES”….when not making TRASH movies since she’s a big director now….what I am saying is she sucks, she’s garbage, she’s annoying, but the more she brings out her old lady tits, I’ll keep looking, because clearly she’s an industry pro and knows tits get hits….so as long as the tits are out, she will distract people from hating her or realizing she’s garbage.

TITTIES!

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Posted in:Olivia Cockburn|Olivia Wilde

2020

08

Sep

Olivia Cockburn Wet and Wilde of the Day

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Olivia Cockburn doesn’t offend me with her acting, I actually thought she was way worse than she actually is. I do find it interesting that she is the Stepmother to January Jones’ fatherless child, because I am sure these hollywood types aren’t going to ruin the life of a kid, because they want nothing to do with the crazy bitch they knocked up….it is probably just not public information that Jason Sudeikis has a relationship with his own kid…I mean they can’t be that self involved…where cutting a check is enough…can they????

Anyway, as a fellow stepparent, I approve of her age appropriate swimsuit because she really doesn’t have a great body and not because she’s old and has a kid, but because she has midget limbs and if you’re a midget, you know what I mean..I guess if you know midgets, seen midgets, or even participated in midget tossing contests…you also know what I mean….

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Posted in:Olivia Cockburn

2019

03

Dec

Olivia Wilde Hot in a Creepy Titty Dress of the Day

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This looks like pyjamas from an 1800s ghost story, which should be porn to you….but it also looks like a night gown your granny would have word in the 70s, which shouldn’t be porn to you, but probably is, since no one’s got a cookie like granny’s cookie, a cookie she taught you how to eat when you were just a teenager, because she had been a widow who lived alone for 20 years and it just made sense when young masculine energy entered, to fully take advantage of the situation…..I guess it also looks like a wedding dress, something you’d find in a period piece…

The problem is that you can’t actually see her tits, which defeats the purpose of wearing a slutty vintage looking historical night gown in public….but Olivia Cockburn, who goes by WILDE for obvious reasons, is still hot to me…so even just a sliver of tit is enough tit…better than no tit…TIT…

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Posted in:Olivia Cockburn|SFW

2018

02

Oct

Olivia Wilde / Cockburn Hard Nipples of the Day

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Olivia Wilde ….naming herself WILDE after Oscar Wilde, because she’s pretentious like that…get a fucking grip….that’s ridiculous.

She said it was a tribute to writers in her family, which is a load of shit, it’s because her name is COCKBURN…

I can’t help but call her Olivia Cockburn, her actual birth name, which is probably the worst last name anyone can have, especially a hot chick with a dream of being famous…because it makes me laugh every time….

I definitely understand why she gave herself a stripper name, or what she calls a Nom de Plume, because anyone who’s stripper name is inspired by Oscar Wilde is obnoxious like that….

When named Cockburn, you are given no choice but to venture out there and name your damn self…plus growing up a COCKBURN must have been a traumatic experience…some Dr Ford level sexual assault every time she got introduced, or during roll call or wahtever…humilating…

But then she realized she was rich, connected, her family socialites in Washington DC, and hot enough to make it as an actor…which I guess is what she did…

So now all these years later, she can walk around, with her hard nipples for the paparazzi…with confidence that she’s managed to rebrand herself…and no one even bothers remember her as the COCK BURN she once was….

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Posted in:Olivia Cockburn|Olivia Wilde|SFW

2016

18

Apr

Olivia Cockburn’s Bikini Pregnancy Pic of the Day

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Olivia Cockburn is pregnant and wearing bikinis…because when your name is cockburn…but you call yourself wilde…you can assume she’s a whore who would get pregnant…from a guy she cold digs who is probably her husband…but I’d paternity test with her to make sure it’s not just one of the used condoms lost inside her while trying to climb the ladder unfurling….

We don’t like pregnant girls in bikinis, it is sensational, disgusting, some weird fucking fetish…pregnant women don’t have a glow, they are terrifying – except in the early months where you can’t get them pregnant because some other asshole did…but once they start showing…that glow is quickly the more subtle “biohazard sign”….

She calls herself Olivia Wilde and she’s in a see through…apparently…that’s what pregnant sluts wear…