So these pictures magically landed in my inbox today. I feel like Perez Hilton only fatter. They are of Paris Hilton rocking out Drunk Sunday Night at the club LAX for some DJ AM weekly event called Banana Split. They are trying to be cool by booking all the latest hipster acts, but reality is that DJ AM can’t be cool no matter how hard he plays his shitty played out top 40 of the last 30 years bar mitzvah party mix in exclusive limited edition sneakers. Even while Paris Hilton gets drunk and rocks out in the corner of the club making all the people who worked greased the bouncer to get in feel like they are really part of something exclusive….can’t distract them from his shitty DJ set.

Either way, I thought that Paris isn’t supposed to be out drunk partying, she’s supposed to be changing the world or some shit, at least that was the plan after jail. I love seeing people make outrageous life-changing statements and within a few months throw them out the window. Like me everytime I say I am going to quit drinking when I wake up with a wicked hangover, or my wife saying how she’s going to lose weight this year because it’s the year, or my stepdaughter saying she is going to go dyke or give up sex because she doesn’t want to get knocked up again or get AIDS…

Speaking of Lesbians, Paris reminds me of this time I had to shit really badly so I ran into this strip club in the seedy part of town because I figured why not get a lap dance while I am at it, so I bust into the place run to the bathroom when I am done, walk out to find that all the girls are a little burly. I chose the hottest one I could find but she was still fucking tranny looking, but It turned out it was because it was tranny night and I only realized when in the lap dance booth about 30 seconds in and bitches beard rubbed up against my face. I cut shit down to only one song, because its tits were pretty decent implants and it woulda been awkward running out mid-song. Either way, Paris has this tranny thing about her, she’s got these big hands and feet, she craves constant attention, she got a tranny face and she dances like a tranny. It is possible that she was born with both parts, who knows what kind of prescription drugs her ex-prostitute lookin’ wallet-fucking mom was on while knocked up making for all kinds of birth defects.

I guess what it all comes down to is that she’s having a good time, the people love her and she looks like she’s put on 20 lbs and is hiding it under a colorful potato sack. I want to fuck her blond model friend who isn’t really her friend but making strategic career choices to get herself famous…..here are those exclusive pics.

Posted in:Dancing|Drunk|Paris Hilton|Partying|Unsorted