Grover has gone to a cabin in Maine for the long weekend. I am not in the States, so I don’t have a long weekend here. That means that I am writing the stepMUSIC post and I know nothing about music.

Someone sent me in this horrible Paul Oakenfold tune from Faster Pussycat, I assume a remake of the original movie, now staring Britany Murphey. Lucky for us, she is also does the vocals in this song. Why do I say lucky for us? Because you are yoo negative and I decided to lead by example. Asshole.

Listen to the track by clicking this link…. (Britany Murphey

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My long time friend Grover has got another tribute to another musical artist none of you care about, but it’s not about you, it’s about Grover trying to get his word out there….a word that none of you care about, but it’s better than having him kill himself.

For those of you who don’t like Van Morrison, you must be crazy . He is the best artist of ALL time. My ex-wife and I used to listen to Astral Weeks often, but the best Van song and possibly the best song EVER recorded was “T.B. Sheets� off his debut solo album, Blowin’ Your Mind!. It’s about Van going to a lover’s house who has tuberculosis (the lover not the house). Van has to open her windows, smells the disease on her sheets, and then denies her a glass of water because he has to be on his way. It’s almost 10 minutes of a grueling conversation that “numbs my brains.� I listen to this song quite often after work on repeat until I have finished my bottle of wine and smoked a half pack of cigarettes out on the porch, thinking of the life I could have provided my ex-wife had she stuck around. Scorsese also used this song in his movie “Bringing Out The Dead� which I saw recently. It stars Patricia Arquette, whose face now pollutes my brain. I’m sure a lot has been said about her teeth, so I won’t mention that but something else about her makes me very angry that I can’t explain. Oh well, I’m sure she’s a great woman, proven in by the way she supports that pre-op tranvestite brother of hers. I guess philanthropic efforts overshadow an ugly face.

Here is Van Morrison’s T.B. Sheets mp3 (right click, save it to keep it)

Bonus (kinda): A Link to Some Patricia Arquette Topless Pics

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I met Grover Isaacs when I was in NYC on a budget vacation 8 years ago. I ended up in NYC because I decided to start fresh. In doing that with no money, I ended up in some pretty slummy bars. One night I was at the bar getting wasted and got to talking to some fresh faced dude who had just got married. I laughed knowing even then that his marriage was doomed. It turned out that he was the musician playing that night. He impressed me enough to keep in touch with him. I have watched him try to launch a music career and fail over and over again. He now lives in North Carolina and works as a music teacher at a highschool….He reads the site and wanted to contribute. I have no standards so this is what he has to say:

Dear Jesus,

I guess I should first start off by saying thank you to Jesus for giving me this wonderful opportunity. He has been a wonderful friend over the years, and despite his misanthropic attitude on this website, he is truly a blessing from God. He has helped me deal with the tragedy that is my ex-wife leaving me. Thank you Jesus. As I have told you many times, your name fits you well.

When my wife told me that she was leaving me, for a more successful musician, I was in the middle of watching the documentary, Woodstock for the tenth time. While the tears rolled off my cheeks, I remember watching Joe Cocker and his fantastic American Flag boots running around the stage while playing air-guitar and singing what would become the theme to song to THE greatest American television shows of all time, “Wonder Years.â€? While he convulsed in an orgasmic seizure on stage, I realized that I didn’t need my wife and I didn’t need New York. So I’m typing this from my cabin in North Carolina. I’m much happier living in the middle of nowhere than in the middle of everything.

Growing up, I was a lot like Kevin Arnold. I looked at lot like him, at least that’s what my parents, friends and teachers used to tell me, but I never had a Winnie. I just had a guitar, some books. I also didn’t have a Paul (the guy who became Marilyn Manson) but I did have a dream. An unrealized dream that was washed away years ago when I left the city.

Cocker man…whether it’s a Beatles song, a Lovin Spoonful song, or even trying to cover Dylan, he brings it home every time. My two favorite Cocker albums, which happen to be his first two, are With A Little Help From My Friends and Joe Cocker!.

If anyone out there wants to be my Winnie, if you’re reading this and have some kind of magic potion to change us back into 13 year olds, please email me. I still sort of look like Kevin Arnold and would happily re-live my childhood if it were to include that little girl.

Here are a few tunes from those two albums (Right Click and Save them) and a video from his performance at Woodstoc (Watch It).

With A Little Help From My Friends– Beatles cover (mp3)
Darling Be Home Soon– Lovin Spoonful cover (mp3)
Dear Landlord-Dylan cover (mp3)
Feelin’ Alright-Traffic cover (mp3)

Joe Cocker at WoodStock YouTube

Bonus:

Wonder Years Intro YouTube

A Better Bonus: Winnie Cooper in Stuff Magazine Shoot

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