Anastasia Ashley may not be your conventional babe. She’s athletic not anorexic. She’s got real tits not implants, and the only eating shit that we know of is on the wave when she’s surfing professionally, and not in the bathroom of some Beverly Hills Mansion for some rich dude who is paying for her, like all these other hookers I talk about.

She is perfection, maybe even a dream girl sent from heaven to win my heart…like a trip to Disneyworld brings joy to a kid dying of cancer….she is the make a wish foundation for my cold dead heart…and I am not just saying that because she’s wearing a Drunkenstefather stepSHIRT …I am saying that because it is true.

She’s goin’ places, unfortunately none of those places are into my anal sex dungeon in may basement, where I’d feed her twice a day in the cage she’s held captive in, if you know what I mean, because you can’t spell true love or real passion without forced imprisonment…I am just a romantic like that…cages in basements are no different than actual marriage…other than less cheating on each other with the neighbors…because there are no neighbors in cages in the basement…and sometimes cages in basements are the only way to get your point across and or anal sex….

I don’t know what I’m saying, but I do know I would love to get this girl pregnant…and never leave her side…even if this is as good as it gets…her wearing one of my shirts…never to be heard from again…at least we’ve had this moment…which is okay cuz I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life…

I’ve peaked.

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