So the new Sports Illustrated his newstands today and Beyonce is rumored to be on the cover. I found this shit on a message board and don’t care either way whether it’s legit or not, I do know I’d rather see a swimsuit model instead of her dumpy ass.

I felt like I had to do something Romantic for my wife tonight and not having money makes it hard. What makes it even harder is that if I do something nice for my wife she will get horny and try to fuck me, and the thought of that scares me. She is the size of 2 grown men. I have also made myself unable to get hard so that I don’t have to bang her and it’s taken me 3 years to perfect. At first I used to think about the stains in her underwear, whenever I’d get turned on and then I’d watch porn over and over until anything sexy became ordinary so that nothing could get me off. I am so good at this impotency thing that I don’t remember my last hard on, so it’s better to not give my wife any ideas or get my parts working again because I will end up a rape victim.

I am not a full asshole though, I know she’s a romantic, or at least that she wants romance in her useless fat life and that doing something nice will get her off my back about getting a job, so I googled “Love Poems” and wrote one out and put it in her box of donuts. I don’t know what her reaction will be when she hits that box tomorrow morning, but I can only assume she’ll end up eating it and never knowing it happened. At least I tried….and the love poem was a better idea that the baked beans I was going to make her for dinner like we were brokeback mountain…..

This is a shitty post, you better feel the love, especially since you are my valentine, homo….

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

It’s Valentines Day tomorrow. I wanted to do a stepfather’s guide to Valentines Day. I was going to actually write an article about how to mistreat your woman and date rape bitches you convince to go on a date with or even how to seduce the fat chicks in the club who are only out on Valentines Day to get fucked because they hate themselves and feel so lonely. Instead, I drank a six pack in a pair of jogging pants and topless, sweating cuz I think I have a hormonal imbalance or some shit, but that’s not the point, the point is that my Valentines Day Guide would have changed your life and I really fucked up.

I know that you don’t really have a valentines day date, so I’ll be seeing you on here tomorrow….it’s okay that you’re a loser, it’s good for traffic. Cuddles.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

I was wondering why bitch was laying low the last little while. I just thought it had to do with her Paris Exposed scandal, you know dealing with all the embarrassment…but then I realized that Paris has no soul and can’t get embarrassed. Her ego fueled life doesn’t let her give a fuck about what people think of her….

I used my investigative genius to decide that Paris released the Paris Exposed shit to distract us all from her implants, using embarrassment as an excuse to hide out and heal. If that’s not what happened then maybe Paris wanted new tits, especially after the world saw that she was stacked like a 12 year old….boy, it could make even the most delusional self-absorbed slut feel a little unhappy with her tits….

These were her last tit pics with push up bra and they seem a lot smaller GO

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

I was wondering why bitch was laying low the last little while. I just thought it had to do with her Paris Exposed scandal, you know dealing with all the embarrassment…but then I realized that Paris has no soul and can’t get embarrassed. Her ego fueled life doesn’t let her give a fuck about what people think of her….

I used my investigative genius to decide that Paris released the Paris Exposed shit to distract us all from her implants, using embarrassment as an excuse to hide out and heal. If that’s not what happened then maybe Paris wanted new tits, especially after the world saw that she was stacked like a 12 year old….boy, it could make even the most delusional self-absorbed slut feel a little unhappy with her tits….

These were her last tit pics with push up bra and they seem a lot smaller GO

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

I feel like a skinny white girl in my panties chained in some black dude’s shanty, only not as sexy. I just got an email from some dude who links me telling me that he has to stop because Google told him that linking to my site specifically was a breach of their contract. He’s one of those bloggers who’s just happy to not be working 9-5 and riding the celebrity blog wave, so he has dropped linking me. Thanks Google, you fuckers. I guess they don’t realize that deleting my GMAIL in March was a hard enough hit….Either way I hate fucking pussies unless they belong to girls.

Speaking of pussies and girls I saw this trailer in the theater and told the person I was with that I was going to be stealing this DVD when it comes out. Watching her run around in her underwear makes me happy. I know this bitch cut off her tits and that she has never really got it going on, but she was a celebrity I wanted to bang when I was younger. I don’t remember how many times I jerked off to her bathtub scene in the movie Mermaids. That was a joke, in reality, I was more into her in that Vincent Gallo movie where her fat tits and fat ass were flopping all over the motherfucking place. I liked that she didn’t give a fuck, and I remember seeing her on TV when she was 16 and I was in some halfway house and she was living on her own, advertising that she got drunk and smoked, she didn’t try to pull any of this Lohan closet drinking bullshit. Until Ally McBeal happened and she was forced to not eat because it made the main character look like she was normal weight. I don’t really know what I am talking about. But I do know that whoever made this move SHOULD PAY ME FOR PROMOTING IT. Fuckers.

Here are some pics of her in a recent Esquire Shoot….

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

I feel like a skinny white girl in my panties chained in some black dude’s shanty, only not as sexy. I just got an email from some dude who links me telling me that he has to stop because Google told him that linking to my site specifically was a breach of their contract. He’s one of those bloggers who’s just happy to not be working 9-5 and riding the celebrity blog wave, so he has dropped linking me. Thanks Google, you fuckers. I guess they don’t realize that deleting my GMAIL in March was a hard enough hit….Either way I hate fucking pussies unless they belong to girls.

Speaking of pussies and girls I saw this trailer in the theater and told the person I was with that I was going to be stealing this DVD when it comes out. Watching her run around in her underwear makes me happy. I know this bitch cut off her tits and that she has never really got it going on, but she was a celebrity I wanted to bang when I was younger. I don’t remember how many times I jerked off to her bathtub scene in the movie Mermaids. That was a joke, in reality, I was more into her in that Vincent Gallo movie where her fat tits and fat ass were flopping all over the motherfucking place. I liked that she didn’t give a fuck, and I remember seeing her on TV when she was 16 and I was in some halfway house and she was living on her own, advertising that she got drunk and smoked, she didn’t try to pull any of this Lohan closet drinking bullshit. Until Ally McBeal happened and she was forced to not eat because it made the main character look like she was normal weight. I don’t really know what I am talking about. But I do know that whoever made this move SHOULD PAY ME FOR PROMOTING IT. Fuckers.

Here are some pics of her in a recent Esquire Shoot….

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

The site went down last night at 4 am. I don’t think it had anything to do with my fucking with the server, even though I am a fucking idiot. I figured out how to revive the shit after about an hour. When the site normally goes down, I get all fucking emotional, like the world is out to get me, like nothing ever works out, like no matter how hard I try I will still only get 15 readers. Last night, I didn’t even give a shit. I was drunk and smoking a cigar any maybe I realized what the important things in life are, like getting drunk and smoking cigars. I got everything back up at 6 am and had these pictures in my inbox.

I was too exhausted to post them then, but I am posting them now. I like to call Britney in the club in a bikini my inspirational pictures of the week, because at least I am not her, even though I would do her, and would probably love my life if I was her….What it comes down to is that all girls in bikinis in clubs are hot, even the fat ones, I guess it’s because of the lighting…or in this case because of her massive breast feeding tits…or because I just read about how much of a slut she is, not that I didn’t already know, having 2 kids by 25 makes me think to myself that bitch takes loads up in her and I fucking love sluts…I also like that fact that she’s out acting like a frat girl, getting wasted and puking all over the motherfucker while her babies are sleeping at home with the nanny. It’s like she’s rich enough to have her own kids but not have to bother with them, so that they are only around when she’s available for them. I think that’s how modern parenting should be. You know, live for yourself not not for the little assholes you made, because making them doesn’t mean you signed up for a boring suburban life. Most people look down on Britney for this shit, K-Fed just wants custody to get into her wallet and the rest of you are just jealous that at 5 am, you aren’t doing body shots off people but instead are changing your little fucker’s diapers, or even getting sleep to wake up and go to your shitty job to pay for little fucker’s college education…Either way, here are the pics…

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

The site went down last night at 4 am. I don’t think it had anything to do with my fucking with the server, even though I am a fucking idiot. I figured out how to revive the shit after about an hour. When the site normally goes down, I get all fucking emotional, like the world is out to get me, like nothing ever works out, like no matter how hard I try I will still only get 15 readers. Last night, I didn’t even give a shit. I was drunk and smoking a cigar any maybe I realized what the important things in life are, like getting drunk and smoking cigars. I got everything back up at 6 am and had these pictures in my inbox.

I was too exhausted to post them then, but I am posting them now. I like to call Britney in the club in a bikini my inspirational pictures of the week, because at least I am not her, even though I would do her, and would probably love my life if I was her….What it comes down to is that all girls in bikinis in clubs are hot, even the fat ones, I guess it’s because of the lighting…or in this case because of her massive breast feeding tits…or because I just read about how much of a slut she is, not that I didn’t already know, having 2 kids by 25 makes me think to myself that bitch takes loads up in her and I fucking love sluts…I also like that fact that she’s out acting like a frat girl, getting wasted and puking all over the motherfucker while her babies are sleeping at home with the nanny. It’s like she’s rich enough to have her own kids but not have to bother with them, so that they are only around when she’s available for them. I think that’s how modern parenting should be. You know, live for yourself not not for the little assholes you made, because making them doesn’t mean you signed up for a boring suburban life. Most people look down on Britney for this shit, K-Fed just wants custody to get into her wallet and the rest of you are just jealous that at 5 am, you aren’t doing body shots off people but instead are changing your little fucker’s diapers, or even getting sleep to wake up and go to your shitty job to pay for little fucker’s college education…Either way, here are the pics…

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

These are pictures of Ashley Olsen on Vacation. I thought her entire life has been a vacation, but I only say that because I am bitter that she’s a billionaire and I am sitting here eating canned corn kernels at 6 am. I guess it’s all okay because she’s looking pretty hot. It could be the blurred pictures and it could be that I haven’t had sex in at least 10 months and I could be distracted by her wallet, but all I see is a tight body in compromising positions and I like it. I always found these bitches looked like weird alien sluts who weren’t sluts cuz they never openly got fucked like Paris Hilton, but I can only assume they’re cunt’s have seen their fair share of dick.

That’s not the point. The point is that I was offered a free night at the stripclub and I turned it down. Mainly because it’s Monday night and I am cold and lazy, but also because I like to keep people guessing. I guess that’s what these girls are doing too…..It looks like she’s in her panties and I am pretty fucking drunk so for all I know she could be wearing pants….

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

The beauty of addiction is that you replace one vice with another. The beauty of Lohan is that she was on a cocaine and booze diet and it helped her cope with all her self-hating issues. Going to rehab has unleashed the demons buried and forgotten, I’m talking how her mom exploited her, how her father was a cokehead drunk driving fuck and how her first love the mexican in That 70’s Show, fucked her and left her. These demons can only be controlled by emotionally eating herself into a size 18 dress. This closet eating means one thing, Lohan’s career will slowly fall deeper and deeper into the gutter and the worse things get, the more bitch will eat….so expect to see her at your local strip club catering to the BBW market that people like you eat up like the chocolate that got these bitches in this mess in the first place I guess when you’re not getting any pussy and when your self esteem is at your level, big fat chicks are the only people who hate themselves more than you do….that upperhand allows you to bed them…which makes you happy, cuz a warm damp cunt is more exciting than shoving your dick between your mattress and box spring, or into a ziploc bag filled with Chili. I am not sure where I am going with this, but it’s pretty obvious Lohan got fat and I love it….

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted